You know what would complete the set? An ice cream maker.
A Texas-based paralegal is set to become a legal legend after her former employer alleged that she refused to take part in team-building exercices, came in late, gave colleagues the silent treatment, 'spent hours' using a George Foreman grill, and hoarded groceries in a secret compartment in the office.
Linda Schreckenbach sued US law firm Callender Bowlin LLP for allegedly refusing to pay her overtime while requiring her to work more than 40 hours a week.
In its counterclaim the firm denied that she had to work that long and accussed the litigation paralegal of “strange behaviours”.
According to the counterclaim, Schreckenbach “refused to hold traditional working hours”, and “notoriously did not arrive to the office until 10 or 11am even though all other employees arrived by 9:00am”.
Her ex-firm has claimed that when she did show up, “she spent hours each day” in the office breakroom “cooking everything from flank steak on a George Foreman grill to smoothies in a full-sized blender”*.
Schreckenbach also had her Costco groceries delivered to the office and frequently brought her dogs in without permission, “which caused a disruption for several of the other employees”, claimed the firm.
It said that when Houston suffered a power cut in 2024 during a heat wave, Schreckenbach used the firm’s ice machine “to transport ice to her home for her dogs”, which sounds sensible but was apparently naughty.
The paralegal also allegedly “posted on TikTok that she was working hard preparing for trial when there were no cases going to trial”, “was not on speaking terms with the other paralegals” and “refused to participate in firm-wide, team building activities”.
In the ultimate diva move, Schreckenbach also allegedly “promoted herself to Senior Litigation Paralegal and began including that title on her email signature block”.
The firm said that when it fired Schreckenbach she posted on TikTok that “2 men [were] ganging up on me” and commented, “I wish I could have throat punched them but realized I didn't have bail money…’
Callender Bowlin said that when it cleared out her office space it discovered that Schreckenbach “was hoarding groceries and other personal items in a hidden area behind her desk”.
The firm “is still uncovering the depths of plaintiff’s bizarre and nefarious behavior during her employment with Defendant”, it stated, alleging that Schreckenbach “unilaterally, and completely unbeknownst" to Callender Bowlin "forged signatures" on documents that were given to counsel in the course of her work.
Her lawyer did not respond to a request for comment.
*the counterclaim actually refers to "flank stank" but RollOnFriday assumes that's a typo not a revolting Texan snack.
Comments
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When I was a trainee, my supervising partner left a brace of pheasants over the back of my chair (he had been shooting over the weekend).
I did the only sensible thing I could think of which was to spread some newspaper out on my desk, retrieve a kitchen knife from the office kitchen and skin the pheasants on my desk in full view of the partner.
One mustn't show weakness in the face of such behaviour.
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setting a nice high bar for paralegals everywhere
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she posted on TikTok that “2 men [were] ganging up on me”
It's good to know that she has another job lined up at least.
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Another work-shy [...] paralegal
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@Anonymous 13 March 26 09:23
Presumably you worked at Bird & Bird?
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She is now Trump's Acting Attorney General in Florida
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Man, I'm hungry now...gotta get me some prime rump. Yee-haw!
Welcome to Mexborough country.
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They probably hated her and made her life a misery because she is hot and has a life outside the office
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I would let her [redacted].
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"Schreckenbach “unilaterally, and completely unbeknownst" to Callender Bowlin "forged signatures" on documents that were given to counsel in the course of her work."
Yikes. Imagine having to work with such a cretin in your team. The stuff of nightmares.
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@10:54 - it's a novel use for a George Foreman grill, that's for sure, but I'm not here to kink shame anyone.
If you can convince her to do that with your John Thomas then who are we to judge?
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Cooking a steak in texas on a George Foreman grill is the real crime here.
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To be fair I always hated team building activities and would have boycotted them myself if I'd had the stones.
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I’m quite disappointed that a Texan, of all people, would use a dinky little George Foreman grill rather than dragging the full propane-filled bbq panoply in there.
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She could grill [redacted] any day
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"flank stank" hahahah