It's been a while since RollOnFriday baited a scam artist, but a recent offer of Iraqi gold, from a US General no less, could not be passed up.

Alas, my alter ego (Winston Churchill, who for no obvious reason is a) alive and b) a Madonna stan) became overexcited and went too far too quickly, losing millions of dollars as a result. Idiot!

From: General Lori Robinson <egrinshpun@transworld.md> 
Sent: 11 October 2018 15:46
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: Letter From General Lori Robinson

Hello,

I am  General Lori Robinson, commander of the U.S. Northern Command (USNORTHCOM) and commander of the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD), Currently Stationed in Iraq on war against Terrorism. I need your help in assisting me with the safe keeping of a trunk box that i got during  a raid here in Iraq.  This is no hoax and there is no danger involved.The content of the trunk is($8.2 Million Dollars)The above figure was concealed  with the help of a Dutch contact working here and his office enjoy some immunity.I will explain further as you respond. Get back to me with your full information and I will proceed with the trunk registration in your name as the beneficiary. 

Your Full Name ..........................

Your Full Address ....................... 

Your Direct Mobile Number ................

Scanned Copy Of Your ID...................

Sincerely,

General Lori Robinson
kindly reply on this email.:generallorir2@gmail.com

 

Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2018 at 3:06 PM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: egrinshpun@transworld.md
Subject: Re: FW: Letter From General Lori Robinson

Dear General Lori

I have just been forwarded a copy of your email. I would like to have this money. I need it for good causes.

Winston Churchill
-Officially World greatest Madonna Fan-
E.G. The Virgin Tour (1985)
Blond Ambition Tour (three times)
Drowned World Tour (EIGHT times)
Sticky & Sweet Tour (ELEVEN TIMES!!!)

 

Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2018 at 3:08 PM
From: "General Lori Robinson" <egrinshpun@transworld.md>
To: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
Subject: Re: FW: Letter From General Lori Robinson

General Lori Robinson
kindly reply on this email.:generallorir2@gmail.com

 

Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2018 at 3:45 PM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: generallorir2@gmail.com
Subject: Re: FW: Letter From General Lori Robinson

Dear General Lori

Hello I am replying to this address. I don't know if you need the reasons but i need the money to obtain the queen of pop, Madonna. She is very wealthy (and deserves to be she has given so much music and love to the world) but even she will not ignore the offer of a binbag with $8.2 million in it!!! It will be a lure.

Therefore please tell me what I must do. Do I need to travel? I am hard of hearing and obese but I can roll to safety in a emergency.

Best

Winston Churchill
-Officially World greatest Madonna Fan-
E.G. The Virgin Tour (1985)
Blond Ambition Tour (three times)
Drowned World Tour (EIGHT times)
Sticky & Sweet Tour (ELEVEN TIMES!!!)

 

Sent: Friday, October 12, 2018 at 7:51 AM
From: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
To: winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com
Subject: Re: FW: Letter From General Lori Robinson

Your mail received, Kindly send your Full Name :   Full Contact Address:   Direct Mobile Number.  Upon the receipt of your information I will proceed with the consignment trunk registration in your name as the beneficiary.

Please note that the watch word for this transaction is honesty and trust.

The trunk will be delivered to your doorstep through the immunity of the UN Envoy agent. Honestly this transaction will involve money for us to be successful and what is paramount is secrecy considering the nature of this transaction.

This is no hoax and will be handled legitimately risk free and I will also handle the security side perfectly making sure the trunk arrive your country safely without any hitch.

Please be informed that the trunk will be registered as military Medical Equipment for Non Inspection delivery. Your duty is to provide some funds for the agent immediately he arrive  your country to enable him secure the UN Protocol Van for Non Inspection delivery. I am using this means for your safety and also the fund to arrive your destination without any interference by the Authorities.

Waiting for your urgent response

General Lori Robinson

 

Sent: Friday, October 12, 2018 at 11:23 AM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
Subject: OPERATION CONE BRA

Dear General Lori

It is full steam ahead! This is very exciting. 'You're the one I'm dreaming of, your heart fits me like a glove.' (not my words, the words of Madonna).

We should change the watchword of the operation from truth and honesty to CONE BRA. Please confirm. this is OPERATION CONE BRA. We also need code names because you must be taking a big risk doing this and you must not be caught, General. Your codename is SEAN PENN and mine is MADONNA and the courier's is DENNIS RODMAN. 

The money should also have a codename, it can be AFRICAN CHILDREN. The trunk can stay as the trunk.

I do not want the trunk of AFRICAN CHILDREN left on the doorstep. Your soldier (DENNIS RODMAN) should ring the doorbell, please. If I am not in please tell Dennis Rodman to leave the trunk of African children behind the wheelie bin like amazon do with my stogies.

Here are my details :--
My name is WINSTON LENNY CHURCHILL
My address is St Martin's Church, Church St, Bladon, Woodstock OX20 1RS
I don't have a phone because I am hard of hearing.

How much do i need to pay Dennis Rodman? I will need to roll to the post office to get out some money. 

Where shall I meet him? I do not want to meet at home it is very stuffy. I can go to London and meet in any museum. I am free most days next week, and every week.

Thank you for picking me to help rape the sovereign wealth of Iraq while it is on its knees. To truth and honesty! 

Madonna (Winston Churchill)
-Officially World greatest Madonna Fan-
E.G. The Virgin Tour (1985)
Blond Ambition Tour (three times)
Drowned World Tour (EIGHT times)
Sticky & Sweet Tour (ELEVEN TIMES!!!)

 

Sent: Saturday, October 13, 2018 at 6:38 AM
From: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
To: winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com
Subject: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA

Provide a mobile number to reach you or you forget the transaction

 

Sent: Monday, October 15, 2018 at 10:56 AM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA

Dear Sean Penn (general lori)

I will go and buy a phone then you rude man.

Madonna (Winston Churchill)

 

Sent: Monday, October 15, 2018 at 9:30 PM
From: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
To: winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com
Subject: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA

I know your the phony type. Waiting for your update

 

Sent: Tuesday, October 16, 2018 at 11:17 AM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA

Dear 'Sean Penn' (General Lori)

I am certainly NOT the 'phony' type. In fact I can't hear on them, thanks to very serious aural injuries sustained during the battle of Jutland and, later, high volume playbacks of La Isla Bonita. 

I have given you my personal information. I am NOT buying a phone just FOR YOU.

If you are not happy to conduct business with me by email just because I have blown-open earholes and are disabled, then go jump off a log you horrid man. Tomorrow I will be the world's greatest madonna fan, but you will always be ugly. 

If you change your mind, tell me here how much I need to withdraw from my disability benefit saving to pay Dennis Rodman and where I pay him.

Angry 'Madonna' (upset Winston Churchill)
-Officially World greatest Madonna Fan-
E.G. The Virgin Tour (1985)
Blond Ambition Tour (three times)
Drowned World Tour (EIGHT times)
Sticky & Sweet Tour (ELEVEN TIMES!!!)

 

Sent: Wednesday, October 17, 2018 at 9:56 PM
From: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
To: winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com
Subject: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA


Such lucrative deal will not be successful without phone communication. How will the Agent contact you on arrival?

 

Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2018 at 10:28 AM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA

Sean (use the code names lori, using your real name is stupidly risky - you are a general after all)

I will wait for him at a place we decide now. When is he coming?

Good places for me are the picnic tables in front of Euston train station at 4.30pm or the Princess Diana foot pond at midnight.

I will give you my picture so he can recognise me, and you can give me a picture of Agent Rodman so I can recognise him. I attach a picture of me.

winston

I do not dress like this all the time, only when I am going on trips. How much money do I have to bring?

When we meet, so we know we are not fakers or the wrong people, he needs to say a code message to me:

"Greta Garbo, and Monroe, Dietrich and DiMaggio"

And I must say back so he knows it is me:

"Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, On the cover of a magazine"

And then he says back so I know it is definitely him:

"Grace Kelly; Harlow, Jean, Picture of a beauty queen"

And then I say back so he knows it is really me:

"Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, dance on air"

And then he says, so I can be sure:

"They had style, they had grace, Rita Hayworth gave good face"

And then I reply, so he knows I am really Winston Churchill:

"Lauren, Katherine, Lana too, Bette Davis, we love you"

And then he raps back so I know it is without question him:

"Ladies with an attitude, Fellows that were in the mood
Don't just stand there, let's get to it"

Following which I cry out, so we know without doubt we have each met the correct person at Euston station or Diana's foot pond:

"Strike a pose, there's nothing to it!"

And then so I knows it is definitely, definitely him, he sings to me:

"Vogue, vogue
Vogue, vogue
Oooh, you've got to
Let your body move to the music"

And then so he knows it is for sure me and not a weirdo I sing back:

"Oooh, you've got to just
Let your body go with the flow
Oooh, you've got to-"

And then together we scream:

"Vogue!"

Is this too short? If so please suggest a better code message, I do not know a lot about being secretive.

Yours

'Madonna' (Winston Churchill)
-Officially World greatest Madonna Fan-
E.G. The Virgin Tour (1985)
Blond Ambition Tour (three times)
Drowned World Tour (EIGHT times)
Sticky & Sweet Tour (ELEVEN TIMES!!!)

 

Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2018 at 11:00 AM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
Subject: Fw: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA

Sean

What is going on? I need to make arrangements to cart my swollen body to Euston station or the Diana foot bath.

Madonna

 

Sent: Friday, November 09, 2018 at 12:47 PM
From: "Winston Churchill" <winstonchurchill@madonnafan.com>
To: "General Lori Robinson" <generallorir2@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: OPERATION CONE BRA

General?

 

This isn't the first time childishness has lost ROF a fortune, although I have occasionally got a bit further with them. Bored? Immature? Dive in:

Sadiq Ahmed and Mr Wibble

Michelle Davis and Gordon Fathands

John Boating and Ian Canoeing

Benjamin Smith and Uncle Badtouch

Eric Miller and Randy Testes

The Lawyer Sex Doll emails

20 million stab-proof vests

Category

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