Over the weekend, after a very good dinner and the best part of a bottle of red, I was dozing off to a programme detailing the amount of elephant tranquilizers Michael Jackson had to take in order to get some kip during his final days. My viewing pleasure was interrupted by an advert from Coca Cola, which invited me to go online and order half a dozen bottles with my own name on them.

There was a database of several hundred thousand names from which to choose. Being irritated and pissed, I ordered the following.


My colleague Jamie has just managed to dig up these beauties:


None of this is meant to diss anyone's culture. For all I know there's some ancient Norse hero called Farta. But Coke is held out as one of the global leaders in marketing. Did it seriously never occur to them that their brand is possibly not all about some sniggering idiot sucking back a nice, cold Tossa on the tube?

Or maybe they knew exactly what they were doing and I'm an unwiting pawn in their viral marketing campaign.

In any event, the website is www.mycoca-cola.com/uk/. Have fun.