You knew she was The One as soon as you saw her.
It was at a careers fair. She was standing at the Johnson & Johnson stall, pretending to be interested as the rep told her that students were "a vital part of J&J's DNA". It was a good line. You'd seen it work before. But after she pocketed eight packets of Kleenex and a tub of cotton buds, she made her excuses.
You watched her toy with all of them. The Netflix crew, who she left tuned to heartbreak and lighter by four Orange is the New Black soap dishes. The Shell stall, which would discover hours later that, dazzled, it had promised her in writing to convert wholly to algae power. Deloitte, which would gladly make one plus one equal five if it meant she would call the number on the stack of mousemats she swept into her bag.
If only she would walk over to you. One minute, that's all you would need. One minute to show her you were different from those other higher learning centres, that you weren't like those shallow employers. What you felt was deeper. It was real. All you needed was a chance to explain how you had unrivalled levels of face-to-face teaching, tutor support and a range of flexible study options. Once she realised that you had a network of contacts, a dedicated employability service and a reputation in the legal profession which meant that you also had an outstanding track-record of finding students legal employment, she would be yours. You had so much to give. If she would only walk over, if she would just wa - and suddenly she was there. Standing right in front of you. Smiling. She opened her mouth to speak -
- and the next thing you remember is being completely, utterly in love, blinking at her departing back as much as a legal education provider can blink. You wanted to cry out after her, but you had no throat and your human representatives' throats were dry. They stared after her instead, thrumming with adrenaline and utterly bereft. She was gone. Worse than that, she was chatting to the Google guys. Google? What did it know? Who the HELL was Google? Google was better than you, that's who Google was. Bloody Google. It would get her, you knew it. You felt so stupid you wanted to cry, but being a business you could not cry.
Then one of your staff looked down at the clipboard in her hand. There, on the last row, were contact details. Her contact details, freshly printed with a ULaw biro. 'Sarah'. You rolled her name around your mouth, as much as a corporate teaching entity can be said to have a mouth, or the ability to roll things around it. 'Sarah'. It was a beautiful name. But why had she left her details? There was only one explanation. She cared. She cared about you and she wanted to be with you. Oh, Sarah! You thanked the stars. This time it was for real!
Don't give up now, ULaw! She just wants you to prove your love.