... who feels like they want to spontaneously vomit or perhaps claw out their own eyes with a teaspoon every time they hear a Queen song?

I realise now, after many years of hearing the same incredulous bleats of disbelief from friends who I would otherwise credit with a fair degree of music appreciation credibility whenever the full extent of my loathing of the purveyors of operatic "rock" [email protected] becomes apparent, that I may very well be alone in this viewpoint.

Lord knows I've tried to like them, or at least tolerate their existence, but all sadly to no avail.  My reaction to them is one of almost visceral disgust.  Logically and objectively I can hear that they were talented musicians that played well together and that their songs are well-constructed blah, blah, blah... .  There is not, and will never be, anything logical or objective in my reaction to Queen.  Mere ambivalence is but a distant dream.  In short, they invade and pollute my ear space.

I have no quarrel with their technical proficiency as musicians and songwriters, but in a way that's just it.  That's not what I want from my music.  I want something with a bit of grunt, something a bit dirty or raw or... something... anything with feeling.  Oh, and most of all Brian May's guitar sound makes my teeth itch.  Hairless, ball-less, soul-less, fiddley, widdley, theatrical, pseudo rock crap.  In short, he sounds like what he is - a physicist with an electric guitar and stupid bloody hair.  He has not been, is not, and never will be, cool.  And anyone who thinks "A Night at the Opera" is an album by a proper rock band can bite me.

This is of course the much shortened and edited version of this particular rant.  For the unexpurgated version, buy me a drink or three then put "Fat Bottomed Girls" on the juke box.  I dare you!