28 May 2009
I hear men complain that they never meet women and they just want to find someone and settle down.  Yes, it's true, some men really do want this although they'd never admit it to their male friends unless drunk. Really, really drunk. But when they get going they whine like teenage girls; 'no-one wants me. I just want to meet someone and get married and have children. I'm so unhappy but I reckon everything will be fine if I can just find a girlfriend'.

It appears to me that they are the masters of their own destruction.

I'm not just talking about the fact that desparation is a turn off or that whining like a little bitch is likely to earn you a slap or even that over-keenness will result in dumping.  I'm talking about football.

Most women don't like football.  FACT.   The majority of women who pretend to like football (and they are pretending) only do so in order to meet a bloke.  Men know this but choose to ignore it because football is the be all and end all.  And on the whole, women would rather not go out with a bloke who likes football unless he has other redeeming qualities.  Really big redeeming qualities.

But last night was the champions league final or some such thing.  I went out.  En route I saw a green  glow from nearly every living room I passed.  Football.  Across the country millions of men were sat at home, in pubs, in social clubs, wherever they could find a TV, transfixed by a bunch of men in baggy shorts with long hair running about after a ball and throwing tantrums.  They've missed a trick.  On arrival at the restaurant I was struggling to find a vacant table. The place was packed.  Not bad for a Wednesday night.  It was full of women.  Up and down the land women were out and about, in groups, on the prowl or just enjoying a quiet drink.

So, men.  The next time you start whining to your female friend about how you can't find anyone look at the footballing fixtures list.  Find a 'big game' and arrange to go out with your fellow single men that night.  You'll have the pick of the venue since you'll be the only men there in a veritable hornets nest of oestrogen.