29 May 2009
The avocado.  

Seemingly humble but so delicious served with tomato and mozarella as a salad or in a bagel, chopped and scattered in pasta, squashed and served as guacamole or simply sliced and served with vinigrette.  But I have a major gripe with the avocado and it could spell the end of our relationship.

Whenever I buy an avocado; which is admittedly less often these days because of my gripe, it is never ripe.  Never.  Does it ripen?  Is the Pope an Anglican?  Instead it sits on the windowsill, basking in the sunlight, and mocking me.  And why does it jeer at me?  Because it knows it will never ripen.  Never.  It will go from under-ripe to off in a matter of minutes.; usually when I am asleep and unawares.  Short of staying awake and testing the fruit every few minutes the purchase of an avocado seems to be a form of self-flagellation.

I've tried the 'eat me keep me' packs.  I eat one; it's sort of ripe.  But not quite.  It's a bit hard.  That or it's over-ripe, a bit brown and impossible to remove from it's shell without ending up with guacamole.  As for the keep me it abides by the usual non-ripen rule.

It's not really the fault of the avocado; it's the supermarkets and our global food industry.  I realise this.  But something about the avocado riles me.  If a strawberry has been picked too soon it is still edible if a little bland.  But this is not the case with the avocado.  It cannot be eaten.

All of which leads me to wonder why I bought a special avocado peeler and slicer.  The purchase of this frivolous item of kitchenware and the subsequent mockery of the avocado was too much for me.  I've now determined to grow my own avocado tree.  It's the only way to ensure that it is picked when ripe.

The only problem with this is that in order to grow my own tree I'll need an avocado stone and to acquire an avocado stone will involve the purchase of an avocado which brings me right back to the start of this little rant.