Your wife going on holiday with her straight male friend

Would you be ok with this?

I have been said 'wife' in such jaunts. Mr Fox is quite happy, we've gone places he's not interested and he's gone somewhere else at a different time. Only for mini breaks, would be very odd if main holiday I think.

I’d ask you to show me a clean std test result LA and sign a document saying you will keep her if you break her.

I do not bang friends, home or abroad, for clarity.

If I want a trip based around, say a gallery or gig that he's not interested in seeing, the answer is typically, can't you take someone else. Equally, if he's going to watch golf or something equally dire, don't invite me.

nothing wrong with this

people have friends

either you trust your wife or you don’t - she can fvck her straight male friend without going on holiday with him i assure you

They are almost certainly already having an affair and want to see if you will turn a blind eye to it long term.

my wife does this, with one SMF (married with kids) and another of their big n88s

they have been a close triumvir8 since Uni

Ah but sir woke 3 is not 2.

2 is basically unrequited love by one of them or ‘not leaving the hotel room’

”how was the Parthenon luv?”

”er, great. Yeah, really great. Smashing.”

 

Is SMF sexy or not?

dont think my missus would care if i holibobed with a Friend zoned munter but if it was a total fitty might be an issue 

same vice versa really - if it was sexual porridge Steve with the charisma of a plant pot then less issue - if it’s sexy Sergio the tennis instructor then yeah maybe an issue

Also we are generally compatible enough not to want to holiday separately but that’s a separate issue 

Lots of women are a PITA on a city break, and yes I know how that sounds. A male friend doesn't have 6 more bags than necessary and need help with them, nor do they spend all the time either whining their feet ache or in the bath. I want to go see stuff then find a bar. Men are better for this.

Maybe LA is just more convenient and available

I love holidays with Mr Fox, and this is only ever extra trips here and there. His time off is not as generous as mine and he's often got to use some to travel for family stuff, which I don't always join him for.

tbf my mrs has been ok with me spending months at a time living away from home with much younger women for work; but going on holiday as a twosome with a female friend would be strange

"Lots of women are a PITA on a city break, and yes I know how that sounds. A male friend doesn't have 6 more bags than necessary and need help with them, nor do they spend all the time either whining their feet ache or in the bath. I want to go see stuff then find a bar. Men are better for this."

You sound a lot like Mrs Eeyore. Which is a compliment FAOD.

I want to go see stuff then find a bar.
 

This part is unproblematic 

it’s the bangin’ on the bathroom floor that’s the problem 

 

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt-naked
Banging on the bathroom floor
I had tried to keep her
From what she was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her it wasn't me

 

 

I would consider it - but first I would need to know whether the SWF had hard alcohol or guns in the house, whether or not he used drugs, his COVID vaccine status, whether or not the would allow teh use of screens while on the trip, his approach to personal hygiene and whether or not he would insist that my wife ate her broccoli before she be allowed dessert. 

If Mr M’s knees finally gave way I would consider this for skiing if no other option. But probs cry all week 😟

Sounds seriously weird.

If Mrs Hall suggested this, I’d be seriously worried about our relationship.

But she often goes off on girlie breaks, which seems to be quite appropriate.

 

I saw Mrs Marshall Hall earlier in an advert for a Butlins "Adult Only" weekend.  She looked witty.

But she often goes off on girlie breaks, which seems to be quite appropriate.

Reader, she was getting railed by every member of the Cirque du Soleil and loving it. 

i find it bizarre that so many people think a woman going away on holiday means she’s having an affair 

sometimes women have friends and like to see places overseas

if any wife wanted to have an affair she could have it on a “girlie break” or just a saturday afternoon ffs - they don’t have to go to florence and look at david’s willy to get horny

and a particular heh for “oh but when i, a man, go on a Work Trip with a woman for months it’s completely different and i wouldn’t expect any problem with that”

oh sorry hotnow do real chads kick off if their wives want to go on holiday with their friends?

”not without me there watching you - who knows what you’d get up to?”

i will be more careful in future

Chill are you straight? I always thought you might be gay.

if you’re straight and would happily see your wife go on holiday with another hetero man then I will recant and say ‘fair enough’

if you’re not straight then stop gaysplaining straight relationships 

It's a bit weird for people in a monogamous relationship to go on a one-on-one holiday with single members of the opposite sex. It would also be a bit weird if they were to, say, go skinny-dipping in a hot tub with single members of the opposite sex. Don't believe thinking that makes you controlling or whatever. Yes they can theoretically have an affair whenever they want, but some situations are obviously more intimate and romantic than others.

I'm reminded of my m7 who went on holiday with his "good friend" with the full knowledge of his girlfriend. All fine. Ofc he shagged her.

Thing is if this dude finds out in 5 yrs time that he’s been raising LA’s child (with coke baby foetal alcohol syndrome and all) and he says “woah woah I didn’t know you’d cheated on me!” , the woman and all her mates would say “come on dude it was blindingly obvious what was going on and you accepted it fully”.

and he’d look like a right cucked plum

i have been on many holidays with many people and on some there was hardly any skinny dipping at all 

see hotnow i was going to respond to you seriously and then you pull out the “cucked plum” rhetoric and it’s clear you’re just trolling

Honestly I just wouldn’t want to go away with another bloke I’d find it a bit icky. I’d want to go away with Nev or my girl mates for some proper qt without the kids in tow. 
 

however platonic the relationship was from my side I don’t think I’d want to put that test or doubt in anyone’s mind - nothing is worth that - my marriage is the most important thing bar my kids in my life and fk willfully taking needless risks on its sacredness.

i got invited to a girlie (wink drug and sex fest) trip to Ibiza this year where loads of the attendees cheated on their spouses and it’s just not my thing.

This person is not an ex of mine. We've never slept together.  I've only snogged her once before and that was a good while ago now. Honestly don't think there is anything to worry about. I wouldn't 'make a move'.

 I've only snogged her once before and that was a good while ago now. 

"A good while ago" could mean earlier this evening in certain contexts!

Legal Alien, I strongly suspect your lady friend's husband is acquiescing for a reason. His wife's absence suits him and she must know this too, even if it's all unspoken.

It's probably a "not ok" from the Quips household too but wouldn't judge what others are happy to do.  Whilst I think Mrs Quips would say she was alright with it on the surface, I know she'd spend her time worrying - and I wouldn't like that.

I'd probably be ok with her going on holiday with a bloke, but she's so family focused, I don't see that happening either.

Genuinely comes down to the individuals and the understanding within the relationship.

Add me to whichever team doesn't find this weird. At least two of the ex-Mr Sizzes went on holidays with a single female mate. I didn't have an issue with it at all. One was an ultra distance runner, and his SFF ran marathons so they'd often go away on weekends in the lead up to a race to acclimatise to the heat/humidity/altitude.  

I also want to be able to go away with a mate (even single straight male ones) if there's occasion for it. I don't see why it's weird. If a boyfriend or partner would use it as an opportunity to cheat on me, there's sth fundamentally wrong with the relationship, not the scenario of holidaying with a single straight friend of the opposite sex.

(Maybe it's because I've been single for long stretches throughout my life, so it's normal to go away with a SMF. I don't see why that shouldn't continue just because you're in a LTR. Like you chuck your old travel buddies away because you're with someone, or that you were only using them to avoid traveling solo?  For me, that's far more odd. Your close friendships should transcend your relationship status.)

LA you won't make a move but what if she comes out of the bathroom and her towel accidentally falls to the floor and rather than picking it up she just stands and smiles at you?

the main problem with it being la is that i would b srsly questioning her judgement if she considered him a “friend”

I woke up the next day, all alone but for a headache
I stumbled out to find the bathroom
But all I found was her, wrapped around another lover
No longer then, is he our mutual frieeeeeeend

 

@sieteocho 9:10

I said, "Please, please understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me, oh-oh
Was the one little thing that you can"

CenterParcs?

I told Mrs Fun about the Mumsnet link between CP and bum fun before our CP trip, and ended up having bum fun.  Trufax!

Sizzler this is absolutely weird in the context of a happily married couple.

I'd go as far as to say that Harold Shipman dating Rosemary West would have been less strange.

There are people who avoid putting themselves in situations where they might be tempted to cheat on their spouse, and there are… people who cheat on their spouse.

When that lady asks you if you want a nightcap at the hotel bar, you find out which type of person you are.

Lol that so many people believe the key factor in whether or not their wife shags around is opportunity. 

Thing is opportunity really IS a key factor in whether people shag around. That and booze, and the chances of getting caught. 

You can lol all you like but that's the way it is... 

 

Yeah of course opportunity is a factor. “The key factor” maybe not but it’s just naive to think that putting people in tempting situations won’t lead to them being tempted. Applies to everyone.

Tom, I'm DELIGHTED by your 1313.

 

I've been thinking about the OP and actually I'd basically be ok with this if Mrs Person wanted to.  She has a few male friends and she's not the cheating type.  If she did cheat, well, there'd be something else wrong with our relationship.

It's a bit context- and person-dependent, I suppose.  

 

I'm just imagining telling my wife and kids over dinner that I’ll be off on hols without them, but with a strange woman.

They'd think it was a joke.

Anyone who even wants to do that has checked out of the marriage already, and anyone who thinks it's OK never had a relationship of any depth to begin with, or is in denial about human nature.  

"She has a few male friends and she's not the cheating type.  If she did cheat, well, there'd be something else wrong with our relationship."

-----------------

Very naive.  You think that people only cheat when there's a major problem in their current relationship.

Not so.

Lots of people who are very happy with their current relationship also cheat.

They just fancy having 2 desserts.  

You need to smarten up mate.

Your spouse on a mini break with a “friend” of the opposite sex?  Come on, suspect people who say they are fine with this are not being entirely truthful to themselves or do not care very much about their spouse.

suspect people who say they are fine with this are not being entirely truthful to themselves or do not care very much about their spouse.

i'm honestly surprised so many assume their spouse would cheat on them given the opportunity (particularly when the opportunity isn't naked hot-tubbing but simply 'alone with a male friend')

Its not just about cheating in actually doing the dirty its the idea of them spending a weekend away doing all the intimate things like having breakfast together, having dinner, going for a walk, maybe wishing they could do more if they werent such decent people - no, not on.

Papercuts - you might be right, of course.  But I don't think so.  

Many people on here sound a bit paranoid and insecure about their relationships.

Guy's comment actually makes sense, if that would upset you then fair enough.

Everyone else sounds mad to me. You can't all think that, unsupervised for the weekend your wife would definitely shag someone else.

I've never considered breakfast to be intimate especially in a hotel restaurant with a couple of hundred other people.

Papercuts has bossed this tbf. Quite a few exposing their ignorance about human nature.  Hope you don’t have to learn the hard way. 

LItmanen - the whole point of trust is that, sure, you might be wrong. 

But what kind of life, what kind of relationship do you have without trust?

You can't all think that, unsupervised for the weekend your wife would definitely shag someone else.
 

I think you might be misrepresenting some posts here.

LawP - we’re talking about a specific scenario here so not right to superimpose the wider issue of trust. Common sense is more relevant here rather than trust imo. Life will teach you about the limits of trust if you’ve really lived. 

its the idea of them spending a weekend away doing all the intimate things like having breakfast together, having dinner, going for a walk

i mean this just sounds like a normal holiday with (eg) an old friend from uni - it doesn’t sound particularly “intimate”

maybe wishing they could do more if they werent such decent people

well this just sounds like projection

despite what when harry met sally taught us, it’s possible for a straight man and woman to be friends without wanting to fvck or leave their partners for each other

maybe they’re just friends and aren’t interested in each other at all

(and fwiw chimp that’s why the “ex” thing would be different imo - if they’ve seen each other naked it’s another story)

That seems a bit arbitrary to me.
 

Yes of course “it’s possible” for men and women to just be friends, nobody denies that.

sure it is a bit arbitrary - it’s a hypothetical situation

and yet loads of people are saying “not in any circumstances, and even if she cheats on you later it’s your own fault for allowing her to spend time with a friend”

if the friend is a bit sketchy (and particularly if the friend is la i guess) it would be understandable to get uncomfortable but that’s not about the situation itself, it’s about the guy she’s going with

X

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