Writing a CV is painful

eurgh, I have been faffing around with this since Sunday. I am running out of verbs to start the sentences with

 

I still have to write the cover letter after this, this is why I don't change jobs more regularly 

How many verbs do you need?

"Managing", "leading", "delivering" or if you do hands-on legally stuff "negotiating", "drafting", "conducting".

Do you actually have to write a cover letter? I think it's more of an American thing or if you're sending out unsolicited applications, I've never written one or read one. 

Just make your CV coherent and concise. Whoever is reading it is going to skim it in 20 seconds, it won't make a difference if it's a masterpiece as long as it makes grammatical sense. 

what sort of communicator are you?  Effective, I'll wager!

What edge do you work at?  The leading or cutting, I'd say!

etc

Need a cover letter, in my area it is basically a two page essay on how you fit all the essential criteria 

 

Why cant we just be Eastern Europe so I can attach a photo of me looking intelligent, sucking on a pencil

Lolz at lawyers thinking they are 'leaders'.

95% of what we do is the management of process, usually on instruction from the client.

Feebs - they are a motherfvcking pain in the wotsit, aren't they... a mate of mine got someone to do hers for her.  I reckon that is the way forward.

Phoebe is an experienced leader of people and services. Phoebe is proudly enthusiastic about working with people and helping them achieve their potential.

Phoebe enjoys managing relationships and partnerships, and is as comfortable improvising as she is planning ahead. 

phoebe shouldnt refer to herself in the third person unless she is trying to suggest a chinny has hacked at her cv.  if that is the plan, just ping it to beermo or rombo and have them add some typos, grammatical errors and things that are not correct...*

*that's a joke**

**dont trust either of those.two with your personal particulars

Why are chinnys called chinnys? Where did that come from? 

The whole “skim in 20 seconds” is perhaps true if you’re applying for a job in McDonald’s or a training contract 

for a proper job, I have always read the CVs pretty thoroughly 

You could do a video cv. Very much in keeping with the times we are living in 

In keeping with the times you say? Is there a precedent for these times?

"Managing", "leading", "delivering" or if you do hands-on legally stuff "negotiating", "drafting", "conducting"

Yuk. Bin that CV.

"Managed", "lead", "delivered" please. What did you do, not what what was your job description.

I negotiated a £3bn settlement Vs I was involved in negotiating my way out of a paper bag.

I lead a team of 12 senior associates Vs I was responsible for leading a team of mouth breathers.

"Managing" great horn, having been cockblocked for weeks...

Why are chinnys called chinnys? Where did that come from? 

Chinny reckon
 

I once had a colleague who would as a matter of principle just bin any cv that contained any amount of American-style 'ads-speak' or any of the kind of words/phrases that would appear on a typical 'bullshit bingo' card.

Dunno if this was a good idea, but he always seemed to end up choosing thoughtful, intelligent assistants who were usually a pleasure to work with.

Phoebe your first para at 11.58, rewrite it using the verb mentoring and then drone on about how much you enjoy that aspect of your role

that would make it sound less like it is about me fucking people

I am still in application form hell, closing date in two weeks.

 

struggling with answering the essential criteria of

"knowledge and understanding of the private sector" 

I'd like to take this moment to shout out to my friend Dave* who once spent an entire evening tweaking my CV to perfection about 7 years ago. It helped me get my last two jobs and that template has since been used to great success by half my family and friends and their family and friends since then.

 

 

*may or may not be his real name

Feebs - you are highly conversant with the demands and expectations of the private sector from your experience working at X and in your subsequent roles at Y and Z frequently dealt with companies when doing ABC.

You then just need to add in something about managing budgets and working to tight deadlines to counter the perception that nobody outside the private sector ever has to deal with those and the job is yours.

If you're not using a chinny you can add in your own spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and factual inaccuracies otherwise they'll do that for you.

I recall when I patook of another forum, some chap posted their covering letter for a fairly junior role on there and asked for some advice on how to better structure it. The other forummers offered him constructive advice and off he went. What he had forgotten however was that the forum had a word filter that, for reasons that we have now all forgotten, changed all instances of the word “me” to “beef burger” which itself was a code word for “cunt.”

He apparently copied and pasted the letter back from the forum into his draft and sent it on. They invited him for interview and at the end queried the typo. He was, as you might expect, mortified. I think he got the job though. 

Disappointing from you Coracle. Wang made the same joke yesterday

As to why called Chinnies… 

 

surely it is obvious..

 

Chinny Rec(ruitment) Con(sultant)