Would you ban your kids from going to a sleepover?

My kids are strictly not allowed to attend sleepovers- they are welcome to invite friends over to ours for one though. It stems from a bad experience I had once as a kid at a sleepover. Never again.

"Yeah, your kids will grow up fearful + odd"

Wow. Giving this kind of parenting advice - given your online persona - is deeply offensive.

woman in the article sounds like a fvcking moron

my wife seems to think sleepovers (in which my five and a half year old is already keenly interested, conceptually) are a big rap. I’m like givvafukk. ARE SLEEPOVERS BAD FOR KIDS????? Well first off, just how many sleepovers are your kids planning to have? Seems unlikely that one now and then is going to kill them

I guess who needs friends anyway when they can play call of duty instead

In your attic room

When they're 32

small man syndrome

you seem to have typed “deeply offensive” when you meant “clearly and exhaustively correct”

Yes you're right I've never been a kid myself and have no children in my family and have no idea of how normal human behaviour works.

Christ I would be mortified to have a sleepover banner parent what fcking weirdos.

And they aren't sleeping at an "acquaintance's house", they're sleeping at a friend's house. What a cold and distant life you must lead to think this way.

"... she only really sleeps over at a home where I know exactly who is going to be there and I know the adults in question pretty well"

Surely this is just common sense.

But some of the parents in the article seemed far more dramatic and mental.

This list of shit to worry about if you’re a millennial bed wetting c.unt and your child asks to do a sleepover is hilarious:

How well do we know the other parents? Are there guns in the house? What about alcohol or drugs? What is the risk of covid exposure? Are there older siblings around? Will the kids be watching YouTube or TikTok all night? Is it a girls-only or boys-only gathering? (And what about kids who don’t adhere to binary concepts of gender and sexuality?) What might happen if they stay the night, and what might they miss if they don’t?

“Are there guns in the house” FFS, Try not being American.

“Its like saying "is 12 bottles of WKD bad for my 15 year old (but 6 would be just fine)?".... errr”

I’m not surprised you are err-ing yourself because it is clearly not, in any sense, like saying that.

I think your view would be entirely different Rhamnousia if “something bad” had happened to you as a child during a sleepover.

It’s a choice parents make depending on their own set of considerations- there is no right or wrong answer.

Turning down an invitation is basically calling your kid's friend's parents paedophiles so that is not going to have a neutral effect on their day friendship either.

Maybe it would but guess what something bad doesn't generally happen and it's a bit shit to undermine your kid's development/happiness because of your experience. 

I let my son go on sleepovers but when I mentioned it to a friend she was in the other camp but I understand that, especially with experiences like Honeybun above.  Also like the article said (which I hadn't realised), different cultures do things differently.  If I lived in America I would also perhaps have a different view as not only are you considering how much alcohol the parents might imbibe (and hopefully no drugs) but also the gun issue, that would be a major factor and in those circs unless my child was staying with a very close friend I'd probably be saying no to sleepovers.  In actual fact my son has had v few sleepovers but I cannot count how many he's had a home or friends that have come away with us on holidays (which is an even bigger factor of risk).

Will the kids be watching YouTube or TikTok all night?”

answer to this is a guaranteed yes

heh @ everyone saying “well you need to consider how well you know the host parents” as if this is some incredibly clever point that no parent of any generation before the millennials ever considered

parents have been considering how well they know the host parents before letting their children do sleepovers for literal ever


"The repeated refs to "are they vaccinated and boosted" is 👌"

And boosted! LOL

Tell me, how often does your family sterilise its mail?

Was discussing with a friend recently how many of our peers who spent their teens and twenties off their tits and are now bank managers or whatever will go apeshit if someone gives their kid a non organic carrot stick or excess "screen time". Hope those kids grow up to wreak a bloody revenge.

Also Clergs tbftbf I recall you were slagging off parents who leave their kids with resort kids’ clubs a few months ago. What explains your volte-face?

It's like every mother is now that weird mother who wouldn't let her child eat sweets.

"Oh why are kids so depressed now!"

I think the resort club is weird but the sleepover is a noble right of passage. The former has no element of choice for the child while the second is selected by them.

Cicely Thrasher grew up staying at her friends' houses every weekend but she thinks modern parenting is different. Wtf. They are all helicopter parents raising useless snowflake children? It's child abuse.

Depriving your kids of these experiences just because you had a bad experience as a kid is statistically illiterate and incredibly self-absorbed and selfish.

It's even worse if you didn't though - classic pulling the ladder up behind you of the current parenting generation.

children love resort clubs

I also had to heh @


yes of course it is sweetie, you are unique and special and your generation invented everything

"I think your view would be entirely different Rhamnousia if “something bad” had happened to you as a child during a sleepover.

It’s a choice parents make depending on their own set of considerations- there is no right or wrong answer."


The actual level of risk to your child is unrelated to your own previous experience. Allowing it to cloud your decision about what they are allowed to do is understandable but irrational. 

I would be pretty hacked off if my parents had not allowed me to go on sleepovers, or more generally to be away from home overnight on school trips, staying with friends, even going on holiday with friends' families.


People with drugs in the house only ever take drugs when they have kids sleeping over.

There is no risk of them taking drugs if they know the kid is going home at 8.00pm after dinner.

If they know the kid is staying over they get irresistible cravings to start cooking up and offering the kids a fix too.

living in a big house and your kids doing well at school are probably 90% of the proof you need that a sleepover is safe, TBF

nobody I know takes drugs fgs I live in the weald of Kent and have a four bedroomed house 

"So ROF, should you ban your kids from attending a sleepover at a persons house because of their life circumstances (they are a widow/widdower)?  "


OK Laz, but what about paedos? They only paed on sleepovers and don't have any urges during daytime play dates?

more to the point

declining to let your kids do a particular sleepover because you don’t know or trust the host parents is not “banning your children from sleepovers”, it’s using your normal judgement as a human being

By the way Laz, the people I know with the most out of control cocaine hobbies are actually some housewives from Kent. They get bored at home and so drink gallons of Oyster Bay whilst tooting Charlie all afternoon.

As a general rule I’m ok with sleepovers unless there’s a specific (and serious) concern, in which case just decline it and cite whatever reason - sod the awkwardness.

There was one instance where I’d heard a rumour about the dad being “inappropriate” with his own kids.  I’d seen no evidence of it myself, quite the opposite actually, and I liked him, but I didn’t know him that well and decided not to take the risk.  

But I’d never refuse just because I thought they’d be eating junk food or not going outside enough.

Like all these things, it is fact sensitive. 

Does the family in question have a large dog, are the parents alcoholics, what are the siblings of the host family like etc etc. 

Certainly until they were in about year 6, ours didn't have sleepovers at anyone else but members of our family and our best family friends who we knew and trusted 100%.

I don't really see why a sleepover is conceptually different to an (unaccompanied) daytime play date. I am not sure child abusers are like werewolves or something and turn bad when the moon comes out.

The time my (then 9 year old) son came back with a cut on his backside because his friend's big sister and her mates had all got p1ssed and broken a wine glass in the hot tub (and he then sat on a piece of glass) did give me slight pause. But the parents had stuck some anti septic on it and put a plaster on and he seemed to think it was great larks so ya know.

Oh and for the record 6 bottles of WKD (now and again) IS absolutely fine for a 15 year old ffs.  

am I reading it wrong'y? is the jist of the post "haha he's just so DESPERATE to give his daughter a normal life without her mum"

That whole post has a very odd tone, but no I think the jist of it is she felt sorry for the guy so agreed to something she might not have done otherwise.  

Apart from Rhamnousia, it would be interesting to know whether posters on this thread are mums or dads…seems like dads mainly but I could be wrong.

OK, I concede WKD is an exceptionally poor choice of booze and I would make fun of them, but you know, kids eh. 

I am flabbergasted that you were in a quandary about letting your kid go for a sleepover with a recently bereaved widower. Utterly gobsmacking. 

Sleepovers are fine unless the parents are clearly oddballs and more importantly as long as my kids actually want to go. Kids who aren’t allowed them turn out weird. 

he's probably fcking raging that he has all these kids and a dead wife and has to do balance all the mad rules of the modern mummyverse while doing his damn job why can't they just GO TO EACH OTHER'S HOUSES LIKE IN THE PAST why is this a THING TO ORGANISE???????

I couldn’t get a grip on what anon123’s problem with the male parent was tbh, his/hee post seemed to be written in some lane psychobabble pidgin. I assumed it was just misandry tbh. OH HIS EMAILS SEEMED TO BE TRYING TO SOUND LIKE A SCHOOL GATE MUM BUT HE’S A MAN!!!! A MAN I TELL YOU!!!

genuinely about 30% of the reason I didn't have kids is the godawful fckery of other parents

I know you CAN ignore and avoid them but then everyone says you're a sleepover weirdo if your partner dies

I think everyone is being unfair to anon here...

I think the point is she didn't know the guy and he made no effort to get to know her before asking to have her kid over to stay for the night but she took a view because he was going through a lot and it was understandable he was acting slightly weirdly. 

he is prbably profoundly depressed and was trying to conjure an upbeat and bubbly tone while inside wishing he could join the love of his life in the grave

"it's just so WEIRD"

why would he get to know her??????? my parents didn't hang out with my friends' parents, that would be fcking odd!

I went on lots of amazing trips & adventure camps with scouts/church etc as a kid, and sadly was sexually abused at one when I was 10.  I'm still glad I got to go to lots of amazing trips & adventure camps as a kid. 

It's like someone lamped you at a pub once, and now you're sorry you ever went to a pub ever and would never let your children go to a pub.

My kids go on overnight trip and camps too Warren. Just not at other people's houses, not least because I am an anti-social mum and barely know any other other parents at the school gates.

They can be whatever they want to be Rham. Sadly they are very social which means I often find my house full of teenage boys. 

It is fact sensitive but it’s about how low you set your boundary.

If it’s just “oh they won’t go outside enough” then you’re being a bit of a fanoise.

You might say don’t let your kids ride bikes as they might get knocked over by a car. Or don’t let them play down the park with their mates as they might get kidnapped. But that would be mental. 

As long as you aren’t sending them to a sleepover with a catholic priest or a Frenchman odds are they will be fine. 

As long as you aren’t sending them to a sleepover with a catholic priest or a Frenchman odds are they will be fine. 


three years of French exchanges and a Catholic boarding school never did me any harm. 

Eight years of my childhood was basically one giant sleepover including the early days of secondary school which meant a three month sleepover with a bunch of people you'd never met before overseen by a bloke you'd met when he interviewed a couple of years early who didn't provide much supervision after lights out. Some bad things happened and some good things happened but overall it was a positive experience.  In the holidays I was also regularly parked at the houses of friends because our parents were all going to the same party and it was easier to pool kids together and get one babysitter.  Also generally all good fun.

Im massively pro sleepovers. Either hosting or sending. And the list of things the Karens in that article were worried about was a bit ridic. “Vaccine status” “hard liquor” - oh FFS.

Tbf I think the main problem is Americans. I would be genuinely concerned about guns. I mean who the fook wouldnt be?

Equally tbh I would be worried about MAGA lunatics and Dems who might forcibly vaccinate the kids and sell them into slavery as some sort of dumb-ass reparations.

Laz is right about big detached houses being enough DD. Sleepovers in leafy Tonbridge are obvs gonna be fine. Over here in East Kent 9/10 are equally gonna be fine. Tho Worfette #2 (12) has a lovely friend who lived in a council house so appalling it made even me wince. Single mum and 15yr older brother. I came up with some gentle reason for her not to sleepover if she didnt want to and she grabbed it with both hands. Feel really sorry for her friend. Keep offering sleepover at ours out of guilt.

Tbh the mums are on the mums whats app group.

Any dad on the whats app group would automatically be a bit sus imho.

Sleepovers in leafy Tonbridge are obvs gonna be fine. Over here in East Kent 9/10 are equally gonna be fine. Tho Worfette #2 (12) has a lovely friend who lived in a council house so appalling it made even me wince. Single mum and 15yr older brother. I came up with some gentle reason for her not to sleepover if she didnt want to and she grabbed it with both hands. Feel really sorry for her friend. Keep offering sleepover at ours out of guilt.


The state of this.

"getting to know the family" is fruitless

a high profile case up here about ten years ago involved the best friend of a family (and head of a young person's charity) being the leader of a paedophile ring that was raping children, including the toddler godson of said ringleader and "sharing" him with an HIV positive "friend". The parents of that child trusted him utterly, knew him (they thought) completely, had no doubts whatsoever about leaving the kid in his care.

You can't know if someone is "the right sort". You need to trust your kids to make their own decisions.

By all means be available on the phone if they want to come home. But teaching them they can't do anything unless everything is "fulled checked" is just pointless and harmful.

I had one school friend whose parents kept goats and were massively into goats milk being good for everything.  Actually he was acquaintance than friend as he was rather odd and I used to go to great lengths to avoid sleepovers at his place.

"You can't know if someone is "the right sort". You need to trust your kids to make their own decisions."

You mean by allowing an 8 year old to make their own assessments and follow their instincts?

Ironically, this sort of thinking is a big part of a lot of peoples reasoning for not letting their kid have black/gay/different friends.  "but how can I be sure when those other people are not exactly like me".

We generally call that sort of thing bigotry. 

yes, 8 year olds can make their own decisions about who they enjoy spending time with. I don't understand when this shift to view everyone under 15 as incapable blobs happened.

Whats wrong with it HB?

Am I supposed to march in with an open mind but politely ask the mum if she doesnt mind filling out a DD questionnaire so I can do a formal risk assessment?

I still don't understand anon's point either

it SEEMS like she doesn't trust a household with no female caregiver, right?

C Worf- a detached house is enough DD but a council house gives you the shivers? So your entire DD is based on how big their house is? Excellent.

Tbf HB - Ive read the thread again and I think I understand better where you are coming from and whatever happened Im very sorry.

I also get that a big detached house is not really meaningful DD. I guess I just have a different risk sensitivity to you, no doubt due to different life experiences.   


- I know;

- everyone knows;

- the qualifier "guilty" demonstrates that I know and everyone knows;

- you obviously think all men are d**kheads anyway, so your post is pointless.

Is that the fastest tun. Sub 2 hrs. 

back when RoF had more than a few users sub-hour tuns were pretty common 

That said - I dont really think its unreasonable to make judgements based upon things like the state of the house. I think most parents would. 

I also think the risk profile is generally higher where there is an older teenage boy. I remember what it was like to be a teenage boy and what other teenage boys were like and, frankly, I suspect that modern teenage boys have now been exposed to a lot of porn and may simply not have been as well socialised I was. 

Anon wanting to ensure her kid is safe at another person's house and roffers replying with "bad things happen, let them sleep at a stranger's house you bigot" is something else.