Scene: Feb 1st at a greasy spoon trailer in a layby off the a13 near purfleet. The chalkboard menu outside the trailer has 3 items.
1. Ful Inglish wiv Bilders T
2. Bacn n egg paneenee
3. Pastrees
Items 2 and 3 are in font strikethrough and someone has written 'brexit now' next to item 3 in faeces.
Inside at a plastic table sits an overweight man wearing a high vis jacket and copious amounts of body hair and odour. He has a lanyard on his waistband bearing his name. Dollar Pat. He is talking loudly into his iPhone 4 while shovelling baked beans at his face.
Dollar (to his phone): geezer, I am on my fookin way innit. <pause> wos that? I don't give a fook if I'm late, I'm fookin starvin mate.
Loud inaudible shouting on the other end of the phone can be heard while dollar spoons some egg into his maw.
Dollar: don't fookin start you mug. We've done Brexit now so you can piss off back to Poland. <Pause> what fackin transition period, you mug? Speak English.
More shouting can be heard. Dollar starts to look nervous
Dollar (attempting a posh accent): alright boss. If I leave now I can get these mattresses to Canvey by 4. Yes sorry boss.
Dollar ends the call, checks his phone to make sure the call is over and shouts "do one you aunt, I am resolutely heterosexual" at his phone. He lays an absolutely enormous hangover fart into his plastic chair and stomps back to his truck.
RoF Royalty; that's the Ingerland Brexiters to a tee. Soon they - like Dollar Pat - will be forced to work in the fields, sowing and harvesting. Back to their natural station in life, rather than being arrogant and rude to 'forriners' whose English is better than theirs.
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Scene: Feb 1st at a greasy spoon trailer in a layby off the a13 near purfleet. The chalkboard menu outside the trailer has 3 items.
1. Ful Inglish wiv Bilders T
2. Bacn n egg paneenee
3. Pastrees
Items 2 and 3 are in font strikethrough and someone has written 'brexit now' next to item 3 in faeces.
Inside at a plastic table sits an overweight man wearing a high vis jacket and copious amounts of body hair and odour. He has a lanyard on his waistband bearing his name. Dollar Pat. He is talking loudly into his iPhone 4 while shovelling baked beans at his face.
Dollar (to his phone): geezer, I am on my fookin way innit. <pause> wos that? I don't give a fook if I'm late, I'm fookin starvin mate.
Loud inaudible shouting on the other end of the phone can be heard while dollar spoons some egg into his maw.
Dollar: don't fookin start you mug. We've done Brexit now so you can piss off back to Poland. <Pause> what fackin transition period, you mug? Speak English.
More shouting can be heard. Dollar starts to look nervous
Dollar (attempting a posh accent): alright boss. If I leave now I can get these mattresses to Canvey by 4. Yes sorry boss.
Dollar ends the call, checks his phone to make sure the call is over and shouts "do one you aunt, I am resolutely heterosexual" at his phone. He lays an absolutely enormous hangover fart into his plastic chair and stomps back to his truck.
Scene
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That r8s a heh.
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Cheers would help if I posted it on the right thread. Self mugged.
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RoF Royalty; that's the Ingerland Brexiters to a tee. Soon they - like Dollar Pat - will be forced to work in the fields, sowing and harvesting. Back to their natural station in life, rather than being arrogant and rude to 'forriners' whose English is better than theirs.
They will soon learn a harsh lesson.
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