What English things are better than anyone else's?

1. Apples

2. Overcoats (tied with Italians, this one)

3. Pubs

4. Municipal gardens

5. Old-fashioned toys

1. Breakfasts 

2. Gin 

3. Jewelled autumn mornings 


country hedgerows


top flight football

1. humour

2. national broadcast service

3. hooligans / louts


breakfast( are eggs royale and benedict) english?


sunday roast


County Shows

The National Trust

Sarcasm and sense of humour


"are eggs royale and benedict"

no I think they were 'invented' in a New York hotel 

‘top flight football’

bit of a stretch that one I would have thought that given the vast majority of the teams are (as I understand it) owned, run by and staffed by people of a predominantly forrin disposition

If we're talking abstract things too, then also:

Football hooliganism



Actually, the Russians have grabbed football hooliganism and escalated it somewhat.

Village fetes 

Roast dinners




Political meltdown (lots of top contenders here tbf)


top flight football’

bit of a stretch that one I would have thought that given the vast majority of the teams are (as I understand it) owned, run by and staffed by people of a predominantly forrin disposition

So what?   top flight football is now fully multi-national in the top leagues of Europe but England is home to the best league.

15. Inventing sports

16. Sparkling wine

17. Mustard

18. Queuing

19. Motorsport


Middle order collapses

FIFA WC under-achievement

Passive aggresiveness

Also unnecessary thank-yous, Bailey. The English can probably say thank you about seven or eight times during a retail transaction....

oh silly hats. No one does silly hats like the English

Re hooligans I agree with Duxta - see that London Bridge Millwall lad for example.  Plucky.

Re middle order collapses - I think they are outshone by top order collapses these days.

Re mustard, I'm giving that to the french




electrical plugs (that everyone else in the world has not adopted the three pin design is baffling)

lower division football

1. Apples - nope, Fuji wins.

2. Overcoats (tied with Italians, this one) - Yes

3. Pubs - No, they lose for (1) fruitmachines; and (2) Wetherspoons. Irish pubs win (but not the "exported bicycles on the ceiling pubs").

4. Municipal gardens - Close tie with the French here.

5. Old-fashioned toys - yes.

Not specifically English but British, public schools.

Parents send their children from the other side of the world to be educated here and pay a small fortune for it.


Laz really mate? I think in Finland it takes 2/3 years before tou get a full unrestricted licence, and you have to learn how to do handbrake turns and power slides. Sounds like fun

Oh and pies. All sorts of pies including, eg: pork pies.


Bananaman beat me to it re passive aggressiveness 

There’s nothing else 

Irish pubs do not win. They lack the variety of English pubs, and the selection of beers that aren’t Guinness is usually rubbish. Most English pubs do not have fruit machines (and plenty of irish ones do) and most english pubs are not Wetherspoons, not that there’s anything wrong with Wetherspoons. HTAH.

They’re friendlier than English pubs, by virtue of not having as many english people in them - I’ll give you that.

is that actually true re Finnish driving tests? Meritorious if so.

Traditional Irish pubs are fucking grim. Dark and dirty, sawdust on the floor, only sell about 3 different drinks, a barman who refuses to serve you / look at you unless you're related to him and you come out stinking of peat from the fire.

Give me a lovely English village pub any day thanks.

The three pin plug is a largely redundant anachronisim - its heyday was when most eletrical devices had a significant risk of electrical fault and therefore the need for earthing was critical.  With modern circuit breakers, and CE requirements for electrical goods, the need for the earth pin and additional fused live wire on every consumer item is simply wasteful, expensive and unnecessary.   And it hurts like f++k when you stand on one. 

Municipal gardens - Close tie with the French here.

You have got to be kidding?   There is no comparison, parks in England are far better than in France - just compare London and Paris.

Will give you a point for greater variety of beers but Guinness is rarely rubbish.  Irish pubs in Ireland do not have slot machines (they're illegal in pubs).  Each country has some truly great pubs, but there is a greater percentage of shit pubs here (sadly).

The three pin plug is a largely redundant anachronisim


three pin plugs are great because they stay stuck in the fucking wall

cf the absolute atrocities you see in America; richest country in the world and their plugs dangle loose out of the wall exposing an inch and a half of live copper. This and all the artex they’ve still got on their ceilings makes it very difficult to take them seriously as a nation, notwithstanding their economic and military power.

What Wellers said, there is an 'irish" pub where I live called O'Neills. And it is exactly as you describe it. It is mostly empty, dirty, stinks, and the food is inedible . How it stays open is beyond me.

British plugs are fucking amazing.  Type G isn't it?


Some other plugs are good, but it is a thing of beauty.  Little known fact, Americans are called Yanks because it's so easy to yank a plug from their feeble sockets.

Nah, English pubs miles better. Better and more varied beers (which alone is enough to win the category), better diversity of styles, better food. Come to think of it mate, much like Wetherspoons there’s nothing actually wrong with fruit machines, not that they are especially prevalent in english pubs any more. Are you just trying to style how rarefied your tastes are? before proceeding further, please be reminded that wetherspoons-hate is the usual mark of the bell end.

However we are on the same page re plugs, so you get a pass m88

Re France, the most overrated thing about France is the hypermarche. They’re bollocks compared to a big english supermarket.

The hungarians are the best at stag dos m888 take it from me.

I expressly excluded Irish pubs exported to the rest of the world - of which O'Neill's is the worst.  That's like judging whether a roast beef is a culinary masterpiece (it is) based solely on the microwaved version you buy at 10pm in a British pub and lapdancing club in Benidorm.


Small country pubs on the west of Ireland coast are amazing. Peat fire and pint of Guinness after a day walking in the rain.

There is no doubt that in comparison to the US thats right, but in the US they are only 110v, thats like being tickled - so you dont need such a wasteful overengineered solution in the first place.

I was going to say a rigid class system but i reckon the Indians do it even better than us.

English self loathing / hand wringing is pretty world class though

that I don’t actually like Guinness doesn’t really help the Irish pub’s case in my eyes, though they are often very pleasant and welcoming I agreeZ I just prefer English ones.

I would also have said political moderation (ie we don't really tolerate extremists in any direction) but sadly brexit has put paid to that

All chain pubs are devoid of true character.  And the Spoons is the worst of them (barring O'Neill's), and the spanner who owns it is enough to dislike it.  Local pubs where you can find a spot at the bar and staff that have time for a chat are where it's at.  Once you've got that, all else matters not one-fifth of a fuck.

lap dancing and yorkshire pudding is an interesting product idea

the Hungarians should try it

Beer and cheese are best in the uk? Only if you never saw anything else

Our understanding of class is superior to other cultures. All cultures have class, even (perhaps especially) those like France and Australia that like to pretend to be classless. The English are meritorious for their innate understanding of the nature and importance of class; every Englishman can intuitively tell you what class he is, and the class of the person sitting opposite him on the train.

did someone say American breakfast?!?!?! 

They cant do bacon. It mostly made up of cakes in some form and they feel the need to add potatoes to it. fuck off. 

claiming we lead at cheese is laughing gas stuff

beer - I would say we’re the best old world country at beer, because the continentalists are so addicted to their samey pilsner types. Again, variety is key. However, I’d put the yanks on a par with us, painful as it is to say. Pretty much all of the innovation in world beer in the last 40yrs is out of America.

Nearly all continentals who lived in the uk think that the uk class thing is ridiculous 

Agree with wibble. Two things that do not, under any circumstances, belong at the breakfast table:

- steak

- waffles, whatever the fuck they even are

- potatoes in any form other than hash brown; the has brown is America’s one great contribution to breakfast, but they seem to love the potato in other forms too, especially that weird cubed fried form with herbs on it - yuk

- ketchup 

British cheese is the best Laz as is the beer. 

You are wrong as ever. 


Small country pubs on the west of Ireland coast are amazing.

Unless you ask for the wine list.


All things British are the best, British sparkling wine for example and of course the womenfolk (?)

There are some good british cheeses but there is nothing like the range of great cheeses you get in France. We might be second best after France actually. The danes have some good cheese.

France also wins on sausages - sorry Germany

Classic men’s tailoring generally is a tie with the italians isn’t it - not just overcoats

British had the edge of hard cheeses, French on soft.

If you had to choose the cheese from one country only, however, it would be French.

Belgium for the beers - tho.


Waffles are ace - but they're for a desserty/snack.  Not fucking breakfast.  But mebbe brunch.

Yeah perhaps I was harsh on les Belges. It’s their own fault though, for Marc Dutroux

Only british cheese I really, properly like is stilton.

Wellers is mistaking a pub for a fucking wine bar.  Fucking metro twat. 


Popular music (no other country has anything close to the Beatles or Rolling Stones so we win by default. Only thing near the same universe is motown). 



Taxis (black cabs are vastly superior to any other kind of taxi)

Football fans. Latin American fans have some belting songs, but not the same sort of unbridled silliness and hilarious songs that our (club not country) fans come up with. 

Sports (other countries waste time playing a load of stupid shite like handball. We stick to the classics - football, rugby, cricket, golf and tennis).

Sitcoms (No, American ones are not funny. No Seinfeld is not remotely funny).

Stop motion films (Shaun the sheep, Wallace and Gromit. Game set and match England.) 

Nature documentaries.


Literature (I will actually accept Russia as an acceptable alternative here. At a push France too.)

Not a bad list of things to lead the world in. 

a weird mixture of spot on and diametrically wrong from cheesetoastie

well done for calling Seinfeld as shite 

Laz, you can't be contrarian about sausages.  I was at a food fair on Sunday and the French offerings were dessicated husks of unspeakable filth like duck and hazelnut or venison and cepes.  The day before there was a village day thing and our local butcher's selection of English bangers was unbeatable (classic pork, Cumberland, pork and apple).  Only butcher in the country to be 3x Britain's best sausage winner.*


*according to him.

"Seinfeld is not remotely funny"

"well done for calling Seinfeld as shite"

These are literally the wrongest things ever posted in the history of the internet.


Bratwurst is sausage #1.  Numbers 2 to 25 are all British.

Wellers I'm not sure our class system is "rigid".

Our third in line to the throne is 50% aristocracy, 50% commoner.

That seems pretty class fluid to me.

I've spent most of the last decade living out of the country so it is essentially the things I think I miss, but will caveat by saying UK rather than just English.

Cask ale and beer generally (Belgians come close but not as much variety)

Good supermarkets (nowhere in the EU or North America is as good)


Afternoon tea



Cheese and the biscuits that go with them (really missed oatcakes when I was in the US)

Puddings in the traditional sense

Sunday Roasts

Pubs and pub food

Bratwurst is not sausage #1. I've lived in Germany for 4 years and view them as nice but not particularly full of flavor.


Replacing someones pint/drink when you accidentally knock it over. My cousin from NY thinks this is weird, when he did it visiting here a year ago, I had to tell him.

bratwurst fgs

get the fuck off the thread

Never got the fuss over Seinfeld. Even Frasier is better.



Seinfeld is about to be streamed on Netflix. It was groundbreaking at the time but better versions of the same concept have been and gone since.

Don't you mean British things not English things?


@Jelly, bratwurst? What the fuck is wrong with you? I echo what @ a perfectly normal human being said: get out of here.

@ perfectly normal, Which bits of my (entirely correct list) do you disagree with by the way?

South Africa is much better at stabbings than we are. Well, depends if hacking people to death is classified as stabbing or whether hacking is its own stomach-turning category.

Also not funny: Curb Your Enthusiasm. Old American guy gets into awkward situations hwah hwah hwah. It’s last of the summer wine with sex jokes and slightly higher production values

Castles, we do bloody great castles. Even the Welsh ones were built by us.

The French do some decent ones i suppose, but they're french so would presumably crumble into dust at the sight of a German army

Having just had an apple from a tree in my garden I can concur with the OP on the apples point.  

They were built by the Normans, so really they were built by the French

I'd say - as an outsider - Blindtom's list is closest (but a bit shorter). I agree with:


Afternoon tea



The biscuits that go with cheese



and I'll add the National Trust

we may be the best at afternoon tea, but the problem is afternoon tea is shit

oh, some tea

oh, a scone


lovely weather we’ve been having this week, eh?