What English things are better than anyone else's?

1. Apples

2. Overcoats (tied with Italians, this one)

3. Pubs

4. Municipal gardens

5. Old-fashioned toys

‘top flight football’

bit of a stretch that one I would have thought that given the vast majority of the teams are (as I understand it) owned, run by and staffed by people of a predominantly forrin disposition

top flight football’

bit of a stretch that one I would have thought that given the vast majority of the teams are (as I understand it) owned, run by and staffed by people of a predominantly forrin disposition

So what?   top flight football is now fully multi-national in the top leagues of Europe but England is home to the best league.

Re hooligans I agree with Duxta - see that London Bridge Millwall lad for example.  Plucky.

Re middle order collapses - I think they are outshone by top order collapses these days.

Re mustard, I'm giving that to the french

pubs

Newsagents

supermarkets

electrical plugs (that everyone else in the world has not adopted the three pin design is baffling)

lower division football

1. Apples - nope, Fuji wins.

2. Overcoats (tied with Italians, this one) - Yes

3. Pubs - No, they lose for (1) fruitmachines; and (2) Wetherspoons. Irish pubs win (but not the "exported bicycles on the ceiling pubs").

4. Municipal gardens - Close tie with the French here.

5. Old-fashioned toys - yes.

Not specifically English but British, public schools.

Parents send their children from the other side of the world to be educated here and pay a small fortune for it.

 

Laz really mate? I think in Finland it takes 2/3 years before tou get a full unrestricted licence, and you have to learn how to do handbrake turns and power slides. Sounds like fun

Irish pubs do not win. They lack the variety of English pubs, and the selection of beers that aren’t Guinness is usually rubbish. Most English pubs do not have fruit machines (and plenty of irish ones do) and most english pubs are not Wetherspoons, not that there’s anything wrong with Wetherspoons. HTAH.

They’re friendlier than English pubs, by virtue of not having as many english people in them - I’ll give you that.

Traditional Irish pubs are fooking grim. Dark and dirty, sawdust on the floor, only sell about 3 different drinks, a barman who refuses to serve you / look at you unless you're related to him and you come out stinking of peat from the fire.

Give me a lovely English village pub any day thanks.

The three pin plug is a largely redundant anachronisim - its heyday was when most eletrical devices had a significant risk of electrical fault and therefore the need for earthing was critical.  With modern circuit breakers, and CE requirements for electrical goods, the need for the earth pin and additional fused live wire on every consumer item is simply wasteful, expensive and unnecessary.   And it hurts like f++k when you stand on one. 

Municipal gardens - Close tie with the French here.

You have got to be kidding?   There is no comparison, parks in England are far better than in France - just compare London and Paris.

Will give you a point for greater variety of beers but Guinness is rarely rubbish.  Irish pubs in Ireland do not have slot machines (they're illegal in pubs).  Each country has some truly great pubs, but there is a greater percentage of shit pubs here (sadly).

three pin plugs are great because they stay stuck in the fooking wall

cf the absolute atrocities you see in America; richest country in the world and their plugs dangle loose out of the wall exposing an inch and a half of live copper. This and all the artex they’ve still got on their ceilings makes it very difficult to take them seriously as a nation, notwithstanding their economic and military power.

What Wellers said, there is an 'irish" pub where I live called O'Neills. And it is exactly as you describe it. It is mostly empty, dirty, stinks, and the food is inedible . How it stays open is beyond me.

British plugs are fooking amazing.  Type G isn't it?

 

Some other plugs are good, but it is a thing of beauty.  Little known fact, Americans are called Yanks because it's so easy to yank a plug from their feeble sockets.

Nah, English pubs miles better. Better and more varied beers (which alone is enough to win the category), better diversity of styles, better food. Come to think of it mate, much like Wetherspoons there’s nothing actually wrong with fruit machines, not that they are especially prevalent in english pubs any more. Are you just trying to style how rarefied your tastes are? before proceeding further, please be reminded that wetherspoons-hate is the usual mark of the bell end.

I expressly excluded Irish pubs exported to the rest of the world - of which O'Neill's is the worst.  That's like judging whether a roast beef is a culinary masterpiece (it is) based solely on the microwaved version you buy at 10pm in a British pub and lapdancing club in Benidorm.

 

Small country pubs on the west of Ireland coast are amazing. Peat fire and pint of Guinness after a day walking in the rain.

There is no doubt that in comparison to the US thats right, but in the US they are only 110v, thats like being tickled - so you dont need such a wasteful overengineered solution in the first place.

I was going to say a rigid class system but i reckon the Indians do it even better than us.

English self loathing / hand wringing is pretty world class though

that I don’t actually like Guinness doesn’t really help the Irish pub’s case in my eyes, though they are often very pleasant and welcoming I agreeZ I just prefer English ones.

All chain pubs are devoid of true character.  And the Spoons is the worst of them (barring O'Neill's), and the spanner who owns it is enough to dislike it.  Local pubs where you can find a spot at the bar and staff that have time for a chat are where it's at.  Once you've got that, all else matters not one-fifth of a fook.

Our understanding of class is superior to other cultures. All cultures have class, even (perhaps especially) those like France and Australia that like to pretend to be classless. The English are meritorious for their innate understanding of the nature and importance of class; every Englishman can intuitively tell you what class he is, and the class of the person sitting opposite him on the train.

claiming we lead at cheese is laughing gas stuff

beer - I would say we’re the best old world country at beer, because the continentalists are so addicted to their samey pilsner types. Again, variety is key. However, I’d put the yanks on a par with us, painful as it is to say. Pretty much all of the innovation in world beer in the last 40yrs is out of America.

Agree with wibble. Two things that do not, under any circumstances, belong at the breakfast table:

- steak

- waffles, whatever the fook they even are

- potatoes in any form other than hash brown; the has brown is America’s one great contribution to breakfast, but they seem to love the potato in other forms too, especially that weird cubed fried form with herbs on it - yuk

- ketchup 

There are some good british cheeses but there is nothing like the range of great cheeses you get in France. We might be second best after France actually. The danes have some good cheese.

France also wins on sausages - sorry Germany

British had the edge of hard cheeses, French on soft.

If you had to choose the cheese from one country only, however, it would be French.

Belgium for the beers - tho.

 

Waffles are ace - but they're for a desserty/snack.  Not fooking breakfast.  But mebbe brunch.

Laz, you can't be contrarian about sausages.  I was at a food fair on Sunday and the French offerings were dessicated husks of unspeakable filth like duck and hazelnut or venison and cepes.  The day before there was a village day thing and our local butcher's selection of English bangers was unbeatable (classic pork, Cumberland, pork and apple).  Only butcher in the country to be 3x Britain's best sausage winner.*

 

*according to him.

"Seinfeld is not remotely funny"

"well done for calling Seinfeld as shite"

These are literally the wrongest things ever posted in the history of the internet.

 

I've spent most of the last decade living out of the country so it is essentially the things I think I miss, but will caveat by saying UK rather than just English.

Cask ale and beer generally (Belgians come close but not as much variety)

Good supermarkets (nowhere in the EU or North America is as good)

Whisky

Afternoon tea

Biscuits

Breakfast

Cheese and the biscuits that go with them (really missed oatcakes when I was in the US)

Puddings in the traditional sense

Sunday Roasts

Pubs and pub food

Bratwurst is not sausage #1. I've lived in Germany for 4 years and view them as nice but not particularly full of flavor.

 

Replacing someones pint/drink when you accidentally knock it over. My cousin from NY thinks this is weird, when he did it visiting here a year ago, I had to tell him.

Also not funny: Curb Your Enthusiasm. Old American guy gets into awkward situations hwah hwah hwah. It’s last of the summer wine with sex jokes and slightly higher production values

Castles, we do bloody great castles. Even the Welsh ones were built by us.

The French do some decent ones i suppose, but they're french so would presumably crumble into dust at the sight of a German army

I'd say - as an outsider - Blindtom's list is closest (but a bit shorter). I agree with:

Whisky

Afternoon tea

Biscuits

Breakfast

The biscuits that go with cheese

Trifle

Pubs 

and I'll add the National Trust

we may be the best at afternoon tea, but the problem is afternoon tea is shit

oh, some tea

oh, a scone

wow

lovely weather we’ve been having this week, eh?

everyone seems to be forgetting how good we are at NOSTALGIA -

almost complete fantasy nostalgia for an England that never existed - where no one locked their doors and where this plucky little nation single handedly defeated the Nazi war machine. digging deeper various myths about the English "race" and its genius as reflected in King Alfred, Henry 8th etc...

certainly also beer, apples, tea (making of the drink although now grown in Cornwall?), beef (of ye olde englande).

Smug superiority.

 

In defence of our seppo cousins, I would propose one of their valuable contribution to breakfast:

Pancakes with crispy bacon (properly cooked to cremated carcinogenic crispy goodness) and loads of maple syrup

They can keep the rest of their buffet, thanks.

 

Would agree with whoever it was who said the Americans also do good beer, although they do seem a bit fixated on IPA / APA.  I'd say it's only in the last few years that English/British beer has caught back up with them.