What do women think of men who find them beautiful?

I was drinking alone at a bar on the terrace (as one would on a Thursday night), and a really beautiful French lady sat down at a table across.  For a sec I wanted to go over and say hello, but quickly was overcome with 'nah, I'm too old for this now.'

Ladies: if a man (say ordinary-looking) comes up to you (say you're relaxed/in no rush/still daylight) and say: 'Hi, I think you're beautiful.'

Is that creepy?

In France if no random men spoke to me I would be seriously offended

In the UK I assume anyone who speaks to me wants to mug me for my shit phone

All I know is: Bonsoir Madame, je pense que vous êtes très belle.

Followed by: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

It's exhausting. She knows what her face looks like. Some simpering pudger wobbling over, 3 pints down, to inform her of this fact is just the most tedious thing on earth. 

umm, please don't take this, ummm the wrong way, it's not a come on...  It's just, well, ummm, I think you're absolutely beautiful!  But please, as I mentioned, it's not a come on, it's just an appreciation of beauty. Perfectly non sexual. Unless, unless, ummm, you want to???....... No, of course not! Sorry. Please. Let me buy you another glass of wine. And leave my number here. I'm a solicitor and quite well off. Just saying. 

 

 

It's exhausting.

It is for this very reason I go to great lengths to look as shit as possible at all times. 

It’s disgusting that any man would even contemplate going up to a woman in public who they don’t even know and commenting on their looks.

Ive had long term relationships where I never commented on my girlfriend’s appearance (to her at least). I would never disrespect anybody in that way.

Just leave her alone. She probably just wants a quiet drink to relax after all the bullshit of the day. If she wants conversation then she will start one.

I would always try to have eye contact first and gauge reaction. If she holds the stare and even better, smile, then approach. If not,  don't. I do personally find the line a bit cringe and would simply ask whether she wants to have a drink with you. But obvs this is all v personal and everyone will feel differently!!

 

 

I think that's spot-on, on the difference of how men and women might react to it.

If a woman comes up to me and tries to chat: 'you're cute blah blah blah', I'd be flattered.

But as some point out, these days women will likely find that disturbing/disgusting/weird.

Come to think about it, that's why dating apps exist and are popular- because you must be okay to be approached if you are on it.

There are women who know they’re beautiful and women who are beautiful because they don’t know that they are.  

Subtly and anonymously letting those who fall into the second group know they’re admired is an occasional pleasure. 

women who are beautiful because they don’t know that they are

Married one of those. Still no idea how it happened really.

Tbf there’s a big difference between saying hello to a stranger and saying “hello, I think you’re beautiful.” Big difference.

Nowdays people go to bars on their own and just swipe in their own personal bubble without engaging with the people around them.

Pizzak- I know what you mean but, if you think about the so-called 'pick up lines'- it's the same thing.

'I'll tell Spotify I've just found this week’s hottest single."

Rubbish lines like that- it's under the same premise, no?

Just chat about the bar or the area or something and see if you get a response. Obviously women like to be called beautiful. If you are a hot French ski instructor you will get away with it otherwise keep the topic light and non pick- upy 

It’s not really the same because you can always laugh off a cheesy pick up line. You can’t laugh off “I think you’re beautiful.” There’s a good chance, if you say that, she’ll be uncomfortable enough that she will want to leave the place if you’re still there.

But the options aren’t just “you’re beautiful” and *cheesy pull up line*. You can actually make normal conversation and then gauge from there with flirtation.

Brexit was the geopolitical manifestation of the Brit male’s problem with women…if you can’t join ‘em, beat ‘em.

Tbf usually women come to me. It's a burden.

But I would say if you aren't handsome don't bother. 

Make eye contact a few times. Smile and then gesture. If she's off then at least you are a plausible distance not to have sexually harassed here.

The problem with a stranger coming up to you and saying  'Hi, I think you're beautiful" is that it is really difficult not to think what they are saying is that if you happened not to be beautiful, the person in front of you literally would not give you the time of day.  That is the creepy bit.  

Its like they are saying "the most important bit about you is your face/body/aesthetic beauty" etc which feels off putting.

And also the awks of how to respond. Anything from "awww thanks" to bolting out of the room to some kind of burn/put down.

All of the choices of possible response don't exactly engender a continuation of the conversation.

I think saying something like this only works when you are properly in a relationship with someone and saying something appreciative about their physical body is appropriate because you know them and you believe they are saying it because they really think it and it is not just a line to get you into bed.

There is a reason why many beautiful women feel they are not taken seriously in various areas of life,some try to leverage their "beauty" with mixed success,some just try to cringe/escape.

Meh

The above points are all legitimate but will become null and void when it's Mr Smooth Operator Chad saying it

Sade maxx 

What anon said. 
 

what’s your point here? To what end do you think it’s appropriate to reduce her to just how visually appealing she is? 
 

How is she supposed to respond to that? 
 

women are well aware of what they look like, they’ve spent every second of their teenage and adult life absorbing societies judgements about it.

why do you think some random in a bar walking up to pass judgment on her (favourable or otherwise) is what she wants or needs? 

 

 

By all means ask her if she would like a drink, say hello, ask what her name is.. make conversation .. 

you know act like she is an actual person rather than an object. 

Never ever ask to buy a woman a drink 

That's the worst advice ever 

You'll be in prison before you know it. Unless she is a hooker.

Smile, nod, gesture, then go. Let her buy her own drinks it's 2022 fgs!

The pick up artist schtick is obviously gross and disgusting, but they aren't 100% wrong about this.  

People only want to talk to strangers when they find them 1) interesting in some immediate way, and 2) non threatening. If you are a 10/10 smokeshow then that is interesting in itself; otherwise you are going to have to offer something beyond the Mike Skinner approach. Unless you are Mike Skinner. That guy has to wear waders.

If youre doing this and find youre getting mostly negative responses, there is a quick and easy fix.

Be more attractive.

often French men will just get their knob out and start going for it in public.

apparently French women find it sexy

You should give it a go.

I once had a lady 20 years older than me try to pick me up in a bookshop in Aix-en-Provence. I was in my late 20s then. That the only in my life I can recall that a sober woman came on to me. The French do things differently.

I mean, it is a lot more normal for men to tell women they look beautiful in France.

But yeah, just a friendly smile and a "bonjour" will do to start with.

If you have enough social skills to read the room when a woman doesn't want to talk to you and back off after exchanging a few pleasantries, there's nothing to be feared from striking up a conversation.

Just see it as French practice.

You don’t actually need to go up to them and tell them you think they are beautiful 

just follow them around for a bit, maybe hide in a hedge. If the weather is bad wear a mac

If you are practising french, ‘Metal Hurlant’ (sci fi comic) is really good.

Start reading that and when the ladies see you are awesome they will be lining up with their fannies a-gape

In my book there are two responses to someone telling you you're beautiful which are:

1. Say thank you and go back to scrolling through your phone or reading your book.

2. Say thank you and invite them to pull up a seat.

Generally, men who go up to women and make such comments are absolute creepers. There is a strong chance they are dubious characters. Even if you are not, you have to be very good looking to get away with it; even then you may be rejected.

I've been lucky enough to have quite a few women tell me I'm attractive but I think they have almost always been northern, American or Aussie.

"2. Say thank you and invite them to pull up a seat."

I suppose it might happen.  I would assume that the type of woman who would say this in response to a total stranger approaching out of the blue and saying "I think you are beautiful" would either be 

- very young (i.e. a teenager and very naieve / inexperienced

- very "shallow" i.e. the importance of physical looks in both themselves and the men they talk to is higher than any other qualities or characteristics.  And therefore it is likely that the man himself is also conventionally very good looking (i.e. its a kind of ken meets barbie situation)

- potentially the only pre requisite she has of the men in her life is that they put her on a pedestal (in that moment and going forward) for no other reason than what he thinks of her face and body.  It might be that he is good with that but it seems a fairly insubstantial basis for getting to know someone.

I suppose it might be possible to tell a stranger they are beautiful and mean it as a sincere and genuine compliment with no expectations.  But in that case you would more likely expect "1. Say thank you and go back to scrolling through your phone or reading your book"

Trouble is, women do like being complimented on their looks, but by someone who knows them as a person first I reckon.

I have had French men do things that I would be surprised if an English man did. Eg on a water flume came behind me ( I must have been slow!) so I was shoved between his legs and came down the flume with him. He laughed and swam off as did I! 

Not at all creepy to approach and start a conversation, judging the reaction and either continuing or leaving alone as appropriate is just how meeting people works.

Safer not to open with commenting on how attractive you find her. Beautiful evening, view, dress, wine, anything really but going straight to your opinion on someone's face seems a bit creepy to me. Am not French though, maybe it's more normal there.

Maybe something like

'What amazing ears you have, you sweet little poppet'

 - Preferably in a Leslie Phillips voice.

Honestly I cant see what the fuss is about.

No woman has ever objected to a compliment given in a polite and respectful way.

And a woman knows instinctively if the compliment is genuine or not.

OF course women like to be appreciated for their looks which includes their clothes and visual appearance. Not just the body. Nothing wrong with that.

What is more I have come to learn that women really appreciate good manners so absent these days. That is why women are often fond of older men who  are courteous.

Oh look. Another man telling women how they think, feel and react and why they act the way they do.
 

 
 

 

Usually I wear good clothes and style my hair to look good- so if someone compliments it, I wouldn't think that person is 'reducing me to looks' but 'appreciating the effort I've made'.

Besides- when you first see a person, all you can make out is looks.  It's probably weird to say: 'you look like a kind person.'

No Scylla. I am reflecting what women have told me over the years

Did they not tell you? .

OR did you not get close enough to find out.

Do tell us

I am a woman and I’ve had plenty of men approach me with similar lines. 
 

And every single time it’s made me want to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible. 
 

same goes for my friends. 
 

It’s really not the compliment you think  it is.. as many women on this thread have told you. 

 

 

How about if it were done in a way that made it clear that you (the man) were not looking for anything in return for the compliment?

Maybe “You look beautiful” written on a folded napkin handed over before slipping away.

What would be the recipient’s objection to that?

I did not claim any such thing.

Only what I have observed and what other women have told me over the years.

Download Metal Hurlant and read it in a bar then find one of the panels where there is a hot bird with her tits out and show it to your lady friend:

’have you seen this? I think she’s got nice tits’

Then leer lustily at her

I’d honestly find an ‘anonymous’ note even creepier.. are they a stalker? Who is it? How long have they been watching me? What do they want? 
 

I don’t even now who I need to run away from … 

I once had someone ‘anonymously’ send me my favourite flowers to the office with an invitation to meet them in a hotel bar at a certain time. 
 

it CREEPED me the fook out because clearly it was someone who knew me since they knew my favourite flowers. And I had no idea who it was.. I even rang to florists but they’d paid in cash and no name was available. 
 

I was looking over my shoulder for weeks after that. 

Ross. 
 

please refer back to your original post and explain how the fook this is you not purporting to speak on behalf of all women..

 

*******

’No woman has ever objected to a compliment given in a polite and respectful way.

And a woman knows instinctively if the compliment is genuine or not.

OF course women like to be appreciated for their looks which includes their clothes and visual appearance.’ 

SCylla there is no need to be rude. Obviously I was commenting on women I have encountered.. Nobody can speak on behalf of ALL women as you suggest

Except for you… apparently. As per your first post. 
 

and I’m not being rude. I’m just pointing out your assumptions and mansplaining to women how we apparently feel about things. 
 

if I was going to be rude I’d tell you to go fook yourself,  you pompous arrogant prick. 

 

 

 

Peter Principle01 Jul 22 13:41

If a man came up to me and handed me a folded napkin with "you look beautiful" written on it I would be seriously creeped out and would have to fight hard not to be paranoid that i was about to be stalked / followed home etc.

Let me ask you. If you are in a bar after work and a woman walks up to you and hands you a folded napkin with the words "You look so rich you gorgeous bastard" written on it would you not think it was a little weird??

And if we are going to argue about whose being rude I’d suggest that your attempted stab at me about ‘not getting close enough’ to find out was fairly impolite.

 

It's bizarre that men cannot just set it aside or suspend their preoccupation about physical appearance enough just to say to a woman something like "great day today isn't it, makes a change from the rain" or "this queue is ridiculous" or even just "which direction is it to x y z do you know?" 

Its not rocket science.  If she wants to shut the conversation down you will soon know it. Sheesh.

Scylla, I'm intrigued, why is anonymity creepy?

On Valentine's day it would be a compliment, presumably well received.

Does it matter when you pay someone a compliment?

I'm married, have absolutely no interest in playing away, but every once in a while a circumstance arises when saying something tasteful to someone you've met without wanting it be considered a chat up line, and hence the anonymity, seems not inappropriate.

The only time I've said something directly akin to 'you're beautiful' was in a completely safe environment, amongst several people to a moderately attractive young lady, palpably short on confidence, with a complexion most supermodels would die for. She needed a confidence boost, and hearing something said by a confident man plainly not trying to hit on her hopefully had the desired effect.

Well there was no impolite implication at all. Not everybody has had the opportunity to have intimate conversations about such subjects. That is not good or bad. Just the way it is.

Are you not able to express yourself without using expletives?.

Never too late to learn

There was no 'assumption' as you claim. Only reflecting my wide experience.

Once again most women (yes most women, not necessarily ALL) appreciate good manners . Including from other women

It’s because they all assume that somehow their opinion actually matters. 
 

That every woman should be flattered by their attention. 
 

The sheer act of commenting (good or bad) is an act of asserting a form of control and judgement. It defines woman as objects for male gaze in the public space. 
 

it’s the exact same reason they will comment on what a woman is wearing, her hair colour, telling her she should smile more, calling her ugly. 
 

it’s because fundamentally at the heart of it.. they think a woman should care about their opinion. 
 

 

And there we have Ross .. demonstrating yet again .. but commenting on my ‘language’ how he expects to exert control over a woman in a public space. 
 

again. Ross. All the expletives in the world cannot convey just how much I do not give a fook about your opinion. 
 

 

There is so much sadness here.  I love receiving compliments (it is not entirely unknown) and I graciously accept them.

I accept that as a bloke I am not carrying the weight of generations of being objectified (not in the same way, at least).

It's just a shame that there appears not to be a way of giving someone a little positivity boost to their day if they are a woman.

It's tough being a man ;-)

But, genuinely, it doesn't need to be said.  By walking over to them and introducing yourself, you're basing that on how they look/present.  It's important not to dwell on the superficiality of that act and have something interesting to say/ask.  

My single days are long behind me, but I reckon wit still has a place in romance.

 

Thing is, the man who hands you the folded napkin 99% of the time is not the puppy dog you see in this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pePpZkVknk

And I thought the world had moved on. 

It is perfectly possible to give someone a little positivity, just don't go for the jugular the moment you meet her and comment on her appearance, talk about other things first!

PS the circumstances of your compliment are hugely different to those being discussed here and I am sure you know the difference because as per your post you’ve only done one and not the other. 

As for what you send anonymously.  
 

if it’s not appropriate to say it to her face..  then why do you feel the need to say it at all? 
 

and that’s a serious question ..  

 

I mean why do you think it’s appropriate, ok, or necessary to judge a woman solely on her looks (which is the kind of compliments we are talking about here)  and then TELL HER ABOUT IT?

 

 

‘It's just a shame that there appears not to be a way of giving someone a little positivity boost to their day if they are a woman.’ 
 

there are plenty of ways to do this. 
 

you could tell her you love her shoes, or her shirt, or that her smile cheers up your day… 

 

but straight out just judging someone on what they look like when you don’t even know their name.. is creepy as fook. 

You can also do the following: walk up to her, put one hand on your waist, and pronounce solemnly, “Girlfriend, you look FIERCE!” whilst snapping your fingers in the air making a Z pattern. Even better if you thrust your hips a little to the left and right as you make the Z.

Oh.. and again. 
 

‘It's just a shame that there appears not to be a way of giving someone a little positivity boost to their day if they are a woman.’ 

*****

I’m curious as to why you think that being the lucky recipient of your opinion on WHAT WE LOOK LIKE would be a positive boost to a woman’s day? 

It just comes back to an underlying assumption that women should care what you think about us.. 

 

 

This thread reminds me of being in a bar in America with a lady writing her phone number on my leg and inviting me to join in a pub crawl later if I fancied it.  Unfortunately I'd been thrown in a dock and my shorts were still wet so when I went to check the phone number later I found it was an illegible smeared mess.  Such a shame.

Similarly I once finished a night in a pub in Southampton writing my number on the arm of a lady who'd been dancing on a table behind and had reached down and tapped me on the shoulder and when I looked up she just kissed me.  Subsequently went on a date with her and ended up back at her shared house and she disappeared so I let myself out and it transpired she'd passed out in the bathroom. She was so embarrassed it took months to persuade her to go on another date.

If you found a conversation with a lady enthralling you could say so Scylla, without it being any sort of 'come on'.

I know when mutual chemistry is at play. 

I can think of several occasions when I've met someone socially or through business, and in a 'sliding doors way' .............the doors would have been wide open but I wouldnt even go so far as to say to someone - 'if I were single................'. 

A note that might have come from me, and might even be assumed to have in the above situation, paying an anonymous compliment, to my mind is not objectifying someone.

I once went for a drink with a French guy who took me to the Ritz in the middle of the afternoon and then asked me what my star sign was and wanted to talk about astrology.

That was a memorable date.

Dude.

 

Under no circumstances would such a note be ‘anonymous’ and how would your wife feel if she found out? 
 

Additionally, a note sent AFTER said enthralling conversation is not the same as walking up to someone you don’t know in a bad and pronouncing judgement on their looks. 
 

 

I have had some spectacularly random moments with the opposite sex. I also once travelled home from a dance at a girls' boarding school with the name and address of a girl written on my jumper in chalk.

If you don’t care, you don’t care, Scylla.  Good for you.

I, like many people (of all the genders), like being told that I am looking good.

(it hasn’t got to the “you look great for your age” stage yet thank fu.ck)

I, like many people (of all the genders), like being told that I am looking good.
…. 

 

except there are a number of women on here telling you that we don’t like it as the very first thing someone says to us.  
 

Of course people of all genders like to hear compliments. But CONTEXT is everything. 
 

And being approached by a random stranger in a bar … is not a context in which that should be the first thing out of your mouth. 
 

 

Everything Scylla says on this thread.

it’s just another way of asserting power - namely physical over women.

i don’t care if you think I’m attractive or not, I’m not going to go up to a random and tell them they’re good looking or not. There’s no chemistry in that only a demeaning pissing contest.