Weekend loneliness

Is this soemthing single roffers relate to?

“There is a kind of currency to being a couple... a currency that makes couples worth more in social situations.”

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jan/16/the-agony-of-weekend-loneliness-i-wont-speak-to-another-human-until-monday

 

Oh christ, "Peter" sounds like me about 20 years ago. Didn't help that I'd moved somewhere where I didn't know anyone. I hated Friday night. 

God no.  I pencil in weekends where I won't have to speak to another human being and keep them free.  Even resent my mother calling on the Sunday afternoon and disturbing the peace with tales of country living.

I used to have this real bad when I first moved to London, but that was 20yrs ago next montj

A group of friends moved to London together. Cheating a bit, but as a group they got to know lots of people very quickly. 

I was lucky when I relocated - went back to London every weekend as wife and kids didn't join me for the first 6 months. Weekday evenings were a bit weird.

Never really felt this; I just got up, went out and did something.  Even if it was just a walk in the park, enjoying the sights and sounds and appreciating everything around me.

I used to get this sometimes when I was living far away from my boyfriend at the time and flat sharing with someone who was rarely there at weekends (and we didn't like each other much anyway). Most of the people I knew locally were work colleagues who were all coupled up and I didn't necessarily want to approach them and suggest doing something at the weekend, so on weekends when my boyfriend and I weren't visiting each other I often had that weird feeling of having no one to see or talk to. My medium term solution was to change my living arrangements (to something that drove me insane most of the time but there were always other people around) and in the longer term I moved in with my boyfriend. 

I would hate going back to that now. I'm a mildly introverted person who often needs space from others but too much alone time makes me feel sad and lonely. Living with one other person who doesn't annoy me is perfect.

I have a housemate partly so that I don’t get this.

hes actually away this weekend though as his sister lives abroad and is coming back for a bit so going to see her. I’m looking forward to the time alone tbh. 

May still go to the pub and talk to the barman about the name for his next shit band.

The article makes an interesting point but I think conflates "aloneness" with "loneliness".

I work at home now and the dynamic is different, but when I was in pp the "tunnel" sensation Monday to Friday is very familiar.  When it came to weekends, although I have a wife and kids the tendency was to switch to mundane house tasks, taking kids to their various activities, not a lot of socializing.  Generally I'd feel tired from work but with little chance to rest or do anything truly selfish to redress the balance.  I could end up feeling pretty isolated and, bizarrely, craving some of the adrenaline of work and socializing that I couldn't wait to get away from during the week.

I'm sure loneliness is more prevalent and pronounced in those without partners but I think many experience it.

I think the "couples" higher social currency thing is largely bollocks - at least at child rearing ages the reality is that most couples are busy looking after kids/family stuff and not doing much socialising at all

Think it holds some water in relation to the dinner party comment in the article - can't remember inviting anyone single round for one in recent years (although I think we have only had two such parties so it's not indicative of much). 

It's quite possible to feel lonely while doing all the kids/family stuff too.

Yeah I had this many moons ago when I moved to a place where I knew no-one. The only comfort was knowing I was on a fixed 12 month contract.

I am surprised Tangent, why wouldn't you invite single people to dinner parties?  Seems odd not to just because they are single.

I completely get the issue. At weekends we are generally out with other couples or do stuff with other families but weeknights are much more for individual mates. 

Human beings are social animals and loneliness is not good for them, although most people do need some time alone to rest and relax.  
 

That said, why on earth don’t these people get out there and do something with a bunch of others?  Running, knitting circles, choir, fitness class, charity work, vokunteering, going to church, St John’s Ambulance ...... anything.   It’s not as if it is difficult. Britain is bursting with groups, clubs, societies and circles for this and that.  

That's a fair point but it's much easier when you're middle aged/elderly. For some reason, it's harder for young people (say late 20s) to make friends through the medium of a formal organised activity.

I've been to plenty of dinner parties as a single man.  I even know people who organise dinners purely for single people.

TBF we often go to dinner parties where we're the only, or maybe one of two, couples.

There is a definite and unfair bias in social life ages 25 to 55 against single females.  
 

Bottom line is very Jane Austen but it seems even today females control who gets invited and don’t want other single females around their husbands.  

"TBF we often go to dinner parties where we're the only, or maybe one of two, couples."​

 

 

Are these dinner parties in secluded car parks, late at night? 

What Dal Segno said.

While I obviously feel sorry for these people, at least in big towns and cities, there are tons of clubs, charities, classes etc. that one could choose to join.

"Peter" in the article lived in Brighton. Surely he could take up competitive composting or naked cycling or vegan bell-ringing if he feels lonely?

I regularly go to dinner parties singularly but that is because my peers hold me in great reverence for being an expert jokesmith

"I regularly go to dinner parties singularly but that is because my peers hold me in great reverence for being an expert jokesmith"

Are your friends retarded?

The problem with contrived activities is that the other people are also sad sacks.

I seem to be peculiar in not experience loneliness at all, I like to spend time with people I like sometimes sure, but am perfectly happy on my own for days on end, indeed I am please when I get the opportunity to be.   Weekends without social or family obligations are great.  For me unhappiness purely comes from other people not their absence.

Yes.

the last few years have been a bit of an eye opener on tragedies of life. And how a choice to seek peace and quiet also carries the consequence of being lonely. 

Some choice are worth it and some consequences are not. 

I was alone
I was all by myself
No one was looking
I was thinking of you

Oh yeah, did I mention
I was all by myself
All by myself, all by myself
All by myself 

I went to your house
But no one was there
I went in your room
I was all by myself

You and me had
Such wonderful times
When I'm all by myself
All by myself

As somebody who has been referred to a social isolation programme I can very much relate to this.

Guy Crouchback16 Jan 20 11:46

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I am surprised Tangent, why wouldn't you invite single people to dinner parties?  Seems odd not to just because they are single.

 

It's not a conscious thing Guy. We only seem to have dinner parties with people we know through our children's schools who happen to be couples. Tend to meet local single people down the pub.

Aware that last sentence could be misread.

I would hit Tinder / Bumble and get some d8s lined up. Why do people find it so hard to do this?

Because about 1 in 30 people that interest me on either of those apps actually think the same about me...

The article is really sad.

I get lonely sometimes but not too often because I do like time to myself. A weekend of just me pottering and doing whatever I fancy is a real treat.

Lol @ HD.

Yes, Wang, that is a mightily correct usage of the term ‘singularly’.

The OED defines the term as ‘very unusually’.

Now go away. I need to get back to my anvil.

These funnny stories don’t make themselves up, you know

Christ what I wouldn't do to be left alone for a whole weekend.

Whenever I lived alone for a stretch I found myself going a bit odd and talking to myself and suchlike.  

“Christ what I wouldn't do to be left alone for a whole weekend.”

i would someone suggest everything except:

- sleep

- pub

- eat curry in your pants whilst watching the entire die hard series in order

- thwap yourself 

*the timing of 3 and 4 should be considered carefully

Working for myself and from home, it's the afternoons that can be a bit lonely sometimes when just waiting for people to finish work. 

- eat curry in your pants whilst watching the entire die hard series in order

- thwap yourself 

*the timing of 3 and 4 should be considered carefully

"considered carefully"?  We all know you'd be thwaping yourself red raw the instant John stripped down to his wifebeater.

That was more of a chilli cock carne warning as well u know.

but heh anyway

"Whenever I lived alone for a stretch I found myself going a bit odd and talking to myself and suchlike."

At least it is conversation with someone you like.

I don’t see anything wrong with talking to yourself.  Nor does R2.

Whenever I find myself alone in the house with a clear stretch of time ahead without interruption (kids, other half etc) I waste the first 20 minutes not knowing what to do first. Wang's list is a good one, plus loads of other stuff that may or may not irritate my genitals.

It is such a weird phenomenon.

I just end up wasting huge amounts of time channel hopping in search of something that my wife would never agree to watch. And eating.

The couple socialising thing is so depressing. You can hardly ever socialise properly as a couple - everyone needs one on one time with pals. 

That is almost EXACTLY what I intend to do with my free weekend Wang. In fact you have reminded me of one of my favourite poems I can’t remember but it’s something like

What is this life of full of care

we have no time for underwear

No time to sit in comfy chairs

and watch the blooming signal flairs

of of John Mx Lane, Rambo, and Dutch

No time for doing all that much

but eating some East Asian grub

quick few pints later down the pub

no time spent wandering how

when and where to wander now

a poor life this if full of care

we have no time for underwear’

Am loving the word "thwap".

I moved to London 27 years ago and it was hard leaving my family and friends behind. Took a while to adjust.

I used to suffer terrible loneliness in my 20s when I lived alone in a bedsit and worked at a very tiny firm.

Hated weekends. Used to try and keep myself busy but got quite depressed in the end.

Now I live with a friend, work for a big firm and am much better. I talk to myself all the time, and to my pets, even my pet snake and my pet hamster. Luckily, I find myself very amusing so it's all good.

When I find myself in times of trouble, I search linkedin for amusing named people and send them to Mutters.

Is talking to your pet snake a euphemism for thwapping?

That sounds like an excellent hobby Wang.

Any tips on industries to target for people with the most ridiculous names?

I think a hilariously named undertaker would be too good to be true

I passed a pet shop window a few years ago and there was the unhappiest looking kitten in a cage above a cage of rats.   I lived in a flat where pets weren't allowed.

That I didn't rescue the poor thing haunts me to this day.   

Muge - I take a zen buddhist approach to these things.  Just tyoe in the most unlikely name and Linked in will provide.  Not necessarily what you seek, but what you need to see.

By way of example, search linkedin for the name "pubert"

YvaYvonne

apologies if you're an old timer here but if not would you mind ever so much delineating, illustrating and setting forth the form of your norkage?

Whenever I feel a little lonely somehow Jasper seems to know and shuffles over to me for a cuddle.

Dogs are the best things ever.

 

I found London very lonely when I first moved there to do my articles. My flat mate didn't introduce me to anyone she knew and was hardly ever around, though she liked getting to know the friends I eventually made. I had a fair few lonely weekends until I got married at 28. I'm an only child and I just don't like my own company.

 

I used to like taking time out from people in London when I was single. Acting and working in pubs was quite enough so I used to hide in my bedsit for a couple of days when it got a bit much.

Acting in pubs?  Not something I have ever come across.  Do you do the horse with the long face and the termite asking is the bar tender here?

I did once go to a pub where unbeknownst to me it was their open mic poetry night.  Fck me poetry is boring.

Usually the bear with the long paws. Confuses the locals.

After leaving drama school I was in some shows and worked in pubs in between and during rehearsal periods. And acted in the odd fringe theatre which would usually be in/over a pub. Quite a few of these in London.

Do not confuse being alone with loneliness. Those of us who prefer our own company call it solitude.

 

I go whole months without socializing at all.. and can spend entire weeks at home with nothing but the cats for company.

I quite enjoy it.  Other people are exhausting.

I am starting to think of my house building exercise as the construction of my fortress of solitude.

 

I like spending time with people, and time on my own.  My choice.  Tough on folks like people in the article who don't have it tho

Working in my job often entails time off during the week when everyone else is at work. Think I exhausted all the entertainment possibilities listed above (except maybe thwapping myself)

I left work at 5pm on Sunday, and was back in at 8:30 this morning.

 

The only people I communicated with during that time were on Whatsapp

Only people I spoke to this weekend were people there to serve me.

I came to London quite late. Commuted in from age 34 and moved in from 36 and it's pretty hard to make friends of substance at mid thirties and up. 41 now. 

People are usually in couples/have a network of friends already and so aren't really open. And of the people I have met, whilst some of them have stuck around, a lot are sort of transitory - because we had something in common at one point but now don't. If you're gay, and you meet another gay guy, sex is nearly always on the table which makes things more complicated than they need to be.

I am accustomed to doing most things alone for various reasons; pretty crappy upbringing, third culture kid and gay in a muslim community. 

It might sound a bit weird but I don't know if I feel lonely because it maybe that I'm so accustomed to doing things alone that I've adjusted to this life and shut out feelings that might otherwise tell me I am. I do have friends but I don't feel compelled to see them and getting places in London can be a chore.

I think I would want a partner but also feel a bit apprehensive at the prospect of having to lose a lot of alone time. Maybe I don't know what I'm missing and it'll all feel different when I'm in one.