From Facebook……
“I know I’ve ranted about this before, and I know some of you miserable bastards actually wait for these rants now 
, but honestly what the fook is going on with these vapes? Everywhere I look there’s another aunt sucking on a glowing plastic dick like their survival depends on inhaling dragon fruit hamster steam every nine seconds.
It’s become genuinely fooking weird.
You walk down the street now and it’s like society has been turned into one massive adult nursery. Every fooker walking around with their emotional support vape clenched in their hand. Builders. Gym lads. Mums pushing prams. Teenagers. Blokes in suits. Old women. Everyone just constantly puffing out clouds of radioactive blueberry goblin mist into the atmosphere like confused cattle.
And it’s EVERYWHERE. You go into a petrol station and there’s some twitchy bloke standing outside violently sucking on a mango ice thundercock 4000 before he’s even paid for his fuel. You sit at traffic lights and glance over and there’s a woman ripping on a glowing pink unicorn dick stick while staring dead-eyed into the void. People can’t even walk from one shop to another now without taking fourteen drags of kiwi penguin coolant halfway there.
Honestly, some of these aunts look like if you took the vape away they’d start buffering like a weak WiFi signal.
And the thing that kills me is they don’t even realise how ridiculous they look anymore because everyone’s doing it. It’s completely normal now to see some fully grown adult wandering around Tesco blowing out thick clouds of strawberry fog like a broken fooking smoke machine at a shit nightclub.
Then you’ve got the vape saddos. Jesus Christ. The proper weird little vape goblins who make it their entire personality. Talking about coils and tanks and airflow and resistance like they’ve cracked some secret ancient technology. Mate, you are not an underground genius. You’re inhaling peach-flavoured battery acid through a metal tube while stood outside B&Q scratching your bollocks.
“Bro this coil hits different.”
Shut your fooking mouth.
Some of these people genuinely sit there discussing flavours like wine tasters. “This one’s got a smooth icy finish.” No mate, you smell like a melted slush puppy machine mixed with a fooking Yankee Candle.
And why do they all smell so aggressively artificial? One bloke walks past and suddenly the entire pavement smells like radioactive raspberry yoghurt. Another one smells like somebody’s poured liquid sweets into a burning printer. It’s honestly grim. Half the time I don’t even know if I’m walking behind a person or an air freshener malfunctioning.
And don’t even get me started on how addicted people are to them. Not casual addiction either. Full panic attack levels. I’ve watched people lose their vape and genuinely look like their marriage has collapsed. Patting every pocket. Emptying bags. Looking under car seats. “BABE HAVE YOU SEEN MY VAPE?” Yeah probably buried underneath the other forty disposable lithium cock flutes scattered round your fooking house.
Some of these aunts are vaping from the second they wake up to the second they go to sleep. I swear to God they probably wake up in the middle of the night half-conscious reaching for the glowing blueberry dick whistle on the bedside table before they’ve even opened both eyes.
And the maddest part is nobody seems remotely bothered about what’s actually inside these things. Propylene glycol. Vegetable glycerine. Artificial flavourings. Nicotine salts. Burnt metal particles from cheap coils. Heated chemical soup blasted directly into your lungs all day long. But because it smells vaguely like a sweet shop everyone acts like it’s completely harmless.
“It’s only vapour.”
Yeah alright mate and Chernobyl was only a warm radiator.
That’s the trick though, isn’t it? Dress addiction up in neon colours, make it taste like fizzy sweets, stick a flashy light on the end and suddenly an entire population starts deep-throating battery-powered fog machines without asking a single fooking question.
And the kids are the darkest part of all this. Loads of these teenagers would never have touched cigarettes in a million years, but make nicotine taste like bubblegum penguin piss and suddenly they’re hammering the things behind bus stops before they’ve even finished puberty. Whole generation walking around with anxiety sticks glued to their hands because some corporate marketing parasite realised addiction sells better when it looks cute and smells like blueberries.
Honestly, sometimes I just stand there watching people vape and think this world has completely lost the fooking plot. Nobody can just exist anymore. Waiting for a taxi? Vape. Walking the dog? Vape. Mid conversation? Vape. Driving? Vape. Sat outside a shop for thirty seconds? Better suck violently on the robot cock flute before the nicotine demons start scratching at the walls.
And they all do the same little mannerisms as well. That vacant stare. The dramatic exhale. The little hand wave to move the cloud away. The twitchy pocket pat every four minutes checking it’s still there. You can literally see the addiction controlling them in real time.
The whole thing feels dystopian as fook. Millions of stressed-out zombies wandering around clutching glowing chemical dildos, sucking in synthetic dragon spit from morning till night while acting like it’s completely normal human behaviour.
And the worst bit?
They genuinely think they look cool doing it.
You don’t.
You look like a nervous aunt emotionally dependent on a USB-powered kazoo filled with blueberry dick fog.”
Vaping has mostly replaced smoking, about most of the above could also have applied.
HTH
Yes, but Vaping is New and therefore Bad.
(And yes they do look like tw@twaffles, and it's on my list of things to care about somewhere after poeple who litter, my failure to grasp esperanto and whether the Rainhill trials were fixed).
P.s. didn't know ai had a "cut price Martin Amis" setting
Friend of mine finally did the maths and because he can happily vape inside he's consuming way more nicotine than he ever did when he had to go outside to smoke. If you go for a few beers he turns up with at least one spare battery and another cartridge in case he's unable to vape continuously between mouthfuls.
So what. Vape is 95% less harmful than cigarettes. Nic pouches are even lower risk because no interaction with lungs. Most cigarette smokers in the UK have either quit or migrated to vapes or nic pouches. It is a massive public health success story.
Except nobody yet knows the long term effects of sucking hot steam and flavourings into your lungs and there are already suggestions that it increases the frequency of respiratory infections.
Vapes were introduced in the UK in 2007.
If cigarettes were invented in 2007, the wealth of short/medium term health data we would have generated on them would show how dangerous they are. No such similar clear-cut evidence exists for vapes.
The short/medium term data on vapes indicates they have a vastly reduced risk profile compared to cigarettes. It is unserious to dismiss the public health benefits by pointing to hypothetical long-term risks.
The nordics and UK are leading the way on migrating away from cigarettes compared to the rest of Europe, and that is because of the acceptance of vapes and pouches. Go somewhere like Turkey and see 30% of people still smoking.
Majestic the problem is that vapes were intended as a less harmful alternative for nicotine addicts, but the most prolific users of vapes as Gen Z who never smoked, so we have just created a new, albeit probaly smaller, problem with the full health risks not yet known,
The measure of the public health policy success should be assessed by looking at the on ramp v off ramp. ASH does studies on this and their data shows that vaping rates have plateaued and that most vapers are either smokers or ex smokers.
The reality is that teens loitering around vaping are probably the most visible users to the average person, despite making up a small percentage.
I agree with all of the OP and don't give a f*ck about some supposed health benefits.
How about using neither cigarettes or vapes. Simple.
fair enough. Whatever I would include them in the upcoming rolling smoking ban for the next generation.
I'll stick to an occasional old school gasper as I know what I'm dealing with and it doesn't taste like plasticine.
what chuffy said. Vaping is gross.
I would rather snog a smoker than a vaper
I think it’s quite a snappy piece of writing actually
Vaping is horrible and shyt
I could have written that article
Enjoy the popcorn lung, vapers and the nicotine pouch gang can look forward to mouth cancer. It's not as bad as heroin or crack though.
A large pc of heroin and crack users are most likely smokers /vapers too anyway so
"So what. Vape is 95% less harmful than cigarettes. Nic pouches are even lower risk because no interaction with lungs. Most cigarette smokers in the UK have either quit or migrated to vapes or nic pouches. It is a massive public health success story."
Everything you assert above is pitifully incorrect. I will address your second-hand propaganda after work. Stay tuned
smoking a fag looks cool. Smoking a vape looks dreadful. That article is spot on
Actually, here it is now. In 2018, I had started (and never finished) a de-bunking blog in response to Big Vaping / Tobacco’s exhumed propaganda playbook tactics, and how expertly they were playing the usual idiots in the media (complacent, lazy, under-resourced) and in the medical establishment (over-earnest, unworldly, gullible).
Note especially how massively successful the “95% safer” lie has been. Even today, many otherwise intelligent people amazingly do not realise that the research which started the “95% safer” slogan was corrupt research, paid for and carried out by a vaping company, and, at the time, eviscerated by The Lancet:
https://vapingsucks.blogspot.com/2019/11/new-lies.html
Blog main page here: https://vapingsucks.blogspot.com/
Vaping is a genius play by these cnuts – it’s their menthol cigs play all over again.
I neither smoke nor vape, but give me a smoker any day. First, they look cooler than the plastic cock-suckers. And have you noticed how, in blokes, vaping is so often associated with general sartorial bell-endry (hipster attire) and those poxy e-scooters? Second, the lack of sanctimonious moralising – vapers never shut up about how they’ve “stopped smoking” lol; and how “good vaping is for you”, lolx2. Third, smokers have manners – they take it outside – but vapers, being selfish entitled twots, stink up buses and trains and cafes and offices, since, unlike smoking, stealth vaping is do-able.
Yeah right, smokers only have manners as things have been changed.
Plenty of inconsiderate smokers including my favourite, Kings cross underground station escalators.
Smoking stinks and lingers.
You don't come home from a night out with clothes that smell of vape.
Fair enough the health effects of vaping aren't properly known, pretty unlikely that sucking anything which isn't clean air into your lungs won't have some adverse affect in the long term. What is a bit odd is the fixation here on what people look like when they are vaping. The only response to a suggestion that you don't do something because someone doesn't like how you look when you do it is of course to tell them to go fvck themselves.
"The only response to a suggestion that you don't do something because someone doesn't like how you look when you do it is of course to tell them to go fvck themselves. "
Well said Buzz, otherwise I would never have had sex and nor would most others on here!
Thanks for posting your 2018 mumsnet blog
https://x.com/procurementfile/status/2060091840859128316?s=46&t=UXS_04ZGrrlCO4pbPQWraQ
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