What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

The Beatles never covered a jam song?

Your mum can't take 4 cocks marmaladed up her?

haha you flatter me judy I cant even get a prize in the local fete!

all the winners these days do all sorts of exotic recipes, the most exotic I do is adding a spoon of treacle to the final boil.

are you going to the London Lunch with the Headmistress?

no Judy, more Mum stuff to do!

Judes how is your school still relevant to your life +20 years on?

Ah that old chestnut. Jam.

I don't think Paul Weller would appreciate being called on old chestnut.

Says the man who routinely refers to people as "old fruit".

The answer of course is you can’t marmalade your c*** up a girl’s a***

A subtle but crucial difference to your version old bean. 

Yes, I know that.  But my version managed to get yet another boot into Buzz, which has totally rebalanced my chi again.