Ugly middle class truths

No one wants to be seen driving a sh*t car.

i think attitudes to cars are often handed down from parents. I have the attitude - does it get from a to b

Centrist dads are absolutely fine with driving a nice old Volvo estate day to day. Built like tanks. 

Not being entirely sure where Co-Op humous fits into the hierarchy which is topped by M&S and tailled by Asda.

Yes, that is exactly what I think when I am driving to work, filling up with petrol or heading for the Channel Tunnel: "What do these total strangers think of my car?"

I would love to be seen driving a crap car, I almost alway prefer people that drive crap cars because they priorities spending elsewhere, but I dont actually want to drive a crap car

I would rather have a crap car and a nice house than the other way round (which is usually the case). 
 

I never understand it when I see a £90k Range Rover parked outside an ordinary semi in a slightly down-at-heel area.

Agree with RR. Centrist dads are built like tanks.

I'm coming round to an estate. Might get rid of the 4*4 and get one.

Heh.  My m9 (very establishment, UMC++) confessed to me the other day that he'd just bought a - gasp - second hand car.  A 10yo Volvo XC-something.

He explained that after finally accepting the need for a second car to shuttle various kids around on a Saturday, he realised it didn't make sense to buy brand new.  And that he'd save an absolute fortune buying second hand, even if it needed repairs from time to time.

He had it booked into the dealer, in an appropriately fashionable suburb, for a full service and doubtless sterilisation/decontamination (at an extraordinary cost).

He seemed quite relieved when I told him that as the proud owner of a 20+ yo jalopy, not only was I not one to judge, but I could recommend an excellent independent mechanic.

there's one car on our road (an ancient vauxhall) and someone has just stuck a flyer under the windscreen offering to buy it as scrap for cash.  Imagine the shame. 

I rather pity people who are so insecure about their social status that they feel the need to bolster it through acquiring a rapidly depreciating asset.

No one wants to be seen shopping at Aldi or Lidl. They bust out the normal Nespresso for visitors and use Lidl coffee capsules for themselves.

Conversely, strutts - I'm slightly envious of those who can rationally justify a cool car.  If you're going to spend a lot of time behind the wheel, you might as well do it in something that gives you enjoyment.

My bro does a lot of driving and has something very cool (which tbh he bought 5yo and already significantly depreciated, but still...).  I'm very jealous.

By contrast, the furthest my car has moved in the last 2 weeks was a few metres out of the garage so I could get to the firewood pile stacked up in front of it.  

For most of the last 7 years I have done more miles on my bike than in my car, so I really dgaf. That said, my car is cool even though it's a bit rough. 

Tricky I am not sure that is true anymore - it has become rather fashionable in middle class circles to shop at Lidl and Aldi and they play to middle class tastes with European specialities as well as offering cheap basics.  It is Iceland and Asda that are truly beyond the  middle class pale.

I'm pretty UMC I suppose, and I tell people at every opportunity that the stuff they're eating/drinking is from Lidl. Lidl is like Skoda, it has become a respectable middle class badge.

Sort of what Guy said. The real truth is that nobody middle class WANTS to shop at Lidl. It's a bit smelly (not in a good organic farming way) and a fvcking PITA because you can't get all the stuff you want there at the best of times and their stocking system is really random so it means a second supermarket shop. Plus there will probably be a tramp or two buying cider and definitely a slightly scary single mum from the estate with 4 snot nosed kids . But they go there, because you know, Waitrose is a fvcking rip off and their gas bill has gone up 3 million per cent.  So they justify it with tales of how much they the love pickled chestnuts or whatever. It is the genius of Aldi as a brand actually that they have made that work. 

diceman01 Aug 22 09:57

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i think attitudes to cars are often handed down from parents. I have the attitude - does it get from a to b
 

I don’t subscribe to this theory.

my Dad was entirely incompetent in the whole business and scared of driving generally. My mum loved driving but neither ever had the ability to choose cars well.  
 

both form and function matter. A beautiful car with excellent mechanical design delivering super performance with maximum ergonomic compatibility- that is the goal. Compromise on any one or more of those and you are in the shithouse.
 

cars I have had that meet these goals in different ways

- volvo p1800

-  Saab 900 turbo coupe

-  Triumph GT6 mk4

- Land Rover Defender 90 td5 

- e-class Mercedes

- e type Jaguar series 2 

 

 

 

"maximum ergonomic compatibility"

"- e-class Mercedes"

Do not get me started on the complete dumpster fire that is Mercedes' COMAND ! 

Cars I have had that are either shite or meh, in order as I grew up

Fiat 127

Mk1 Ford Fiesta

Austin Metro mk1

Fiat Uno

Fiat Tipo

Saab 93 

Saab 95 estate

when it became a GM derivative shitbus it became a non Saab in all but badge. Effectively a Vauxhall Cavalier with a Scandi porn fantasy heritage.

rogermellie01 Aug 22 14:50

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my father has driven range rovers since the 80s.

 

well then he's driven some great and some utterly shit cars.  Questionable taste.  Some sort of middle class reflex. If I have a Range Rover it will make me able to ride people who ride horses. that sort of thing. 

 

rogermellie01 Aug 22 14:50

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I have 3 watches worth more than 2 of my cars!

 

Price and value are very bad relations.

On the Range Rover point, engine was everything.  The TDV8 was a beast of an engine but everything attached to it was made of cheese.

Mate at School who passed the test v soon after turning 17 in lower 6th used to drive us all around in his mum’s Fiat 127.

I loved being driven in it, it was so nippy and had decent acceleration, as opposed to the boring and slow British cars my Dad generally had.

it was prompt, but it was also very bad at stopping.  Drum brakes.  Gearbox from hell.  Mine was not the five speed "sport".  It was hot orange in colour and something like 850cc. Piece of absolute cock. Boiling hot interior. 

Notwithstanding my ability to afford a car with all the erganomic bollox mentioned above, I'm delighted to drive a crap one - car chat, car envy and car boasting is the realm of the ultimate tede. 

Like any made object, there are ones that designers and engineers have put heart and soul into and ones that are knocked out for the sake of production like condoms. 

roywegerle01 Aug 22 16:10

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Notwithstanding my ability to afford a car with all the erganomic bollox mentioned above
 

this sort of caveat is the greater tedeclaim

"car chat, car envy and car boasting is the realm of the ultimate tede."

FFS. I had a great anecdote ready to go, about the time I smoked a Porsche in my remapped 330D...

A car is simply there to get you from A to B in the warm and the dry.

The more expensive your car, the more a target it is for theft, vandalism or robbery.

Big-engined petrol or diesel cars are just plain bad for the environment.

Only shallow people care what random strangers think about the car that they drive. 

Driving a big engined car because you are concerned about what random strangers think is selfish and shallow. 

Fvck it. Driving a big-engined petrol or diesel car because you enjoy it is also selfish and shallow.

 

We have a fairly fancy sports car because Mrs Donny wanted one and I thought it might be a bit of fun and it was probably the last change to do it before we all have to drive suped up milk floats to save the planet. I have to say I find the whole thing a bit meh. It's impossible to drive it (safely/legally) at even 25% of its capability on the road and realistically I won't take it on a track more than once in a blue moon (I have done so once in 12 months of ownership). It also costs a frigging fortune to service etc. 

It's pretty to look at but yeah, meh. 

 

We’ve owned a TR7, then a Spitfire and finally a MGB GT back in the day, before we went Capt Sensible. 

All had their good points, but all were very unreliable and cost a small fortune in repair and servicing bills.

Cars to me are a bit like household appliances. I will take a little bit of interest in the selection and spend a short amount of time researching to make sure I am getting something OK but couldn't care less in the grand scheme of things.  Obsessing over cars is like obsessing over toasters or vacuum cleaners. 

Depends what it is really.  It is a boring toaster until it is a historical design icon or industrial heritage item.  some things are for saving and cherishing.   If, for example, I had a Ferrari 250 GTO then I would seriously obsess over that and make no apologies to anyone for doing so. 

I see it differently. I rejoice in the new, whether it’s tech, cars or anything else, since it’s always so much better than we used to have. 

Actually they probably are EP or at least they are vastly less likely to get prosecuted for the ITS bit and have the book thrown at them (unless they really are breaking bad)

 

 

 

The amount of times I saw a middle class white parent turn up at Custody as an 'appropriate' adult, expecting to sort things out by having a 'quick word' with the Custody Skipper...

I have a Golf. It is the bog standard 130 hp automatic. It is absolutely brilliant at everything. Fabulous car. 

It's been so clearly described as a track weapon I'm thinking Lotus.

Unless of course that's all crap and it's just a 911

I have a secret stash of classic sports cars, acquired before marriage, and which I'm rather ashamed of, these days.  I only drive them very occasionally, late at night or before 6am.  And I occasionally wear a theatre face mask while doing so, which makes me look very odd:

https://evolutionmasks.com/shop/realistic-masks/the-vampire-silicone-ma…

Few ever see me, but if they do, perhaps they think, “oh look, Drac’s back”.  

For everyday hooning, I have a 1997 Nissan Micra.  It has a rally engine, but looks entirely standard.  It elicits a mix of pity and contempt, and occasional road-rage.  Travelling at 60 or 70 in my wife’s big Audi A8, nobody tries to overtake.  But doing the exact same speed on the same roads in the little elderly Microbe, every noob in a cock-mobile nearly has a coronary trying to overtake, just to put me in my place lol.  Of course, the litle Micra is deceptive - it's quite nippy, certainly quicker than anybody expects, so I have the occasional giggle with the status-obsessed.  When, on a twisty back road, they cannot overtake (angry blokes in shiny big cars rarely know how to drive), they sometimes resort to flashing lights and making rude signs at me.  I guess it’s not a good vibe for them - you’ve spent a shedload on a big shiny new chariot, and here you are failing to keep up with a pile of pensioner junk in front of you.  Some very angry people out there though, I really ought to stop baiting them, and just watch my old Billy Connolly videos instead. 

I have a cool classic convertible because it is genuinely fun to drive and great whizzing around with the roof down on a sunny day, not because I care what people think of me.

My car is 21 years old. It's full of mud and fur, but gets me from A to B without the wheels falling off, and that's all I really care about.

It is quite liberating know that can scuff it, scratch it etc and it makes no difference to its value.

"For everyday hooning, I have a 1997 Nissan Micra.  It has a rally engine, but looks entirely standard.  It elicits a mix of pity and contempt, and occasional road-rage.  Travelling at 60 or 70 in my wife’s big Audi A8, nobody tries to overtake.  But doing the exact same speed on the same roads in the little elderly Microbe, every noob in a cock-mobile nearly has a coronary trying to overtake, just to put me in my place lol.  Of course, the litle Micra is deceptive - it's quite nippy, certainly quicker than anybody expects, so I have the occasional giggle with the status-obsessed.  When, on a twisty back road, they cannot overtake (angry blokes in shiny big cars rarely know how to drive), they sometimes resort to flashing lights and making rude signs at me. "

So, angry men are constantly trying to overtake you while you are doing between 60 and 70 on twisty back roads ?

Not making a lot of sense to me. Are these Yorkshire men trying to overtake you ?

Had shit cars for best part of 2 decades. Now have an OK one. Don't care about them and I like Asda- think that makes me the one working class roffer!

I'm going to keep my 6 yo Peugeot and watch it get shitter and shitter til I either write it off or it gets beyond economic repair .

Had to top up the oil between services this week for the first time after getting a warning light... 

Used to like getting a new car but now they're like fridges or washing machines to me in terms of excitement 

We have lived through a golden age of reliable cars. The Ford Duratorq 2.0 TDI is perhaps the pinnacle of automotive engineering. 

My company van has just notched up 301,000 miles. 
Reminds me of Jess aka fag ash lil,  who bar tended at Middle Temple in the 90s. 
Boyacatcha. 

Your kid is sh1t at football

private school is a waste of money, save it for the deposit he won’t manage because he’s a stoned loser