A thread for achingly middle class curses

I hope you end up with a really shit off road pram to ponce about with in central london 

May Ocado always substitute your Clarence Court eggs with battery hen

May your Smythson notebook give you a paper cut every time you open it 

I hope the baby sensory class is over subscribed but the email goes into your junk folder so you find and pay for parking right outside and then have to go home with your clearly disappointed 13 month old. 

(OBs is brilliant tho because it anticipates a scenario try hard Wellington is very likely to end up in)

i pray to demeter that she makes al ur avocadoes have those bitter dark brown stringy bits throughout them, so that no matter how u chop it u cannot easily save the nice bits

May your toddler learn swear words from your cleaner.

May another parent from the school obviously note that you have non-naice ham in your trolley. 

Which one is this please? (has OB been banned?!_)

"(OBs is brilliant tho because it anticipates a scenario try hard Wellington is very likely to end up in)"

It was on another thread. Jelly quoted it in the OP

May your cupboard be full of vinegars, except the one that your Jamie Oliver recipe calls for.

*curse you aspalls*

Macawbre03 Dec 20 08:56

May your Executive Club tier be forever stuck at Bronze

_______________

 

Now see here! There's no need for that sort of language!

 

May someone always park outside your house so you can't plug your hybrid Volvo into the expensive fast charger on your front wall.

May one of the green wellies on your outdoor shoe rack always fall off and fill with rain

May your spouse open and serve a bottle of tesco branded wine to guests, which you were saving for cooking.

May your children adopt your Eastern bloc au pair's accent and go through life sounding like budget Borats.

I hope the baby sensory class is over subscribed but the email goes into your junk folder so you find and pay for parking right outside and then have to go home with your clearly disappointed 13 month old. 

Heh @ this. Too inspired to have been made up, clearly.

May your children not get into your first choice school and may your old pals act with the governors fail to win the appeal 

May you get caught on the back roads home

rex - I started off typing that was fictional, but realise there are some parallels with a baby ostepathy clinic.

Jelly, round my way it's all baby yoga. Thankfully we discovered Cosmic Kids early on and the mrs wasn't tempted.

I hope it was cranial osteopathy Jelly.  With added Reiki crystals.

It was absolutely cranial osteo!  I think the crystals are a madness too far, reiki is for absolute morons.

Trying to keep a straight face and a tight lip whilst a yummy mummy explains the benefits of cranial osteopathy should be an Olympic sport. 

Cranial osteopathy?  Paying someone to squash your child's skull?

😂😂😂😂 I just saw this - there are some great ones on here !! Excellent work rof.

 

I hope you lose the Banham spare the week the builders are due to start the boot room. 

*Offshore edition*

I hope the canal you park your shitty only-sleeps-six boat on silts up and a coconut falls on your new Tesla and dents it. 

🧞‍♂️ SHAZAAMMMM

May your daughter outgrow her Isla bike in less than a year 

POOF 🧞‍♂️ 

I hope your waiter puts too much pepper in your Hendricks & Fevertree

May the secondhand value of Isla and frog collapse when you decided to clear out the Beinn 24, 26 Frog 52, 58 and 62 that you've decided to sell to pay for the NYE champagne.