The test and trace system


Er no fucking way am I doing this 


Me neither

Also, "asked to quarantine"

Thanks but non

I would just say I had been in contact with Dominic Cummings 

Yeah that's the best bit

Guys don't worry it's confidential!

Oh right then I have been with the chief executive of Sainsbury's 

This really is just to try to enforce two metres

People will start thinking about who might grass them up

Yup. It certainly sounds like a ballache but needs must 

Martian is the sort of person who would trot trot into an abbatoir if the rules said he should so

It's not necessary

And no one will follow it

Except you

Why would I go into an abbatoir? I am capable of making my own mind up

Needs to be combined with increased testing for those flagged as at risk by the app and also if possible a reliable antibodies test.

Asking or requiring people to self-isolate for 14 days without thinking to test if they have it or whether they are potentially immune completely is excessive and simply won’t be tolerated after this lengthy lockdown.

As it sounds like it’s been designed, the most desperate to use it will be hypochondriacs and/or those who won’t mind self-isolating. 

I'm willing to bet a large amount of money with you that I won't be the only person to comply if it gets rolled out

"As it sounds like it’s been designed, the most desperate to use it will be hypochondriacs and/or those who won’t mind self-isolating"

Yes but then they drag everyone else around them into it. 

Complete bollocks, won’t work, waste of breath whingeing about it. 

I'm not self isolating for 14 days because a hypochondriac stood near me for 15 minutes. And nor will anyone else 

Is that because I don't agree with your views, Clergs 

I suspect they want to do what the Swiss seem to have done but British people are too shit

You won't be the only one but it will be a minority

Eagerly filling in your little online form

"Yes, sir, I am still at home!"

I'm unclear how this is meant to work on any practical level. 

What Pinkus said.  If they had a reliable working app and decent rapid testing ability, I would be a lot more likely to do as I'm asked.  This?  No.

I’ll see where and when I was in contact and make a decision on self-isolation using common sense.  However,  as a single person sitting at home working from home for two weeks is hardly a hardship.

It involves going home immediately and staying there for 14 days  you can’t shop you can’t prepare - it IS a hardship  

Also, no provisions for financial support

So you potentially go unpaid for two weeks

“It involves going home immediately and staying there for 14 days  you can’t shop you can’t prepare - it IS a hardship “

What if you actually do just nip to waitrose on the way back?

What if you just work from home ordering Deliveroo?

Don’t live in a delivering  area and living on that for 2 weeks cost a fortune

“It involves going home immediately and staying there for 14 days  you can’t shop you can’t prepare - it IS a hardship “

What if you actually do just nip to waitrose on the way back?

Or put your Dom mask on from the Star. Got that on and you can do anything even drive a car while blind to a beauty spot on your wife's birthday and then get home and doctor a blog post to make you look more intelligent than you actually are.

Its utter shite. The person who “experiences symptoms” gets tested but everyone they have been less than 2m to doesnt but has to hole up for 14 days?  Heh. Good luck with getting people to comply with that.  

It won’t work because nothing this shower of gobshites does does work.

except the bit they asked us to do. That worked, then they shat all over us. Good luck getting the public’s cooperation now.

You'll do what you're told like everyone else linda

I was just wondering about how easy it would be to force someone into isolation simply by claiming you were within 2 meters of them. On the other hand imagine merrily showing your boss the magic text from the government and telling them youll be back in two weeks

Oh I think Im just hearing on BBC breakfast that the system is dependent on people being honest

It's a stupid way of trying to get us out of a massive overkill lockdown to deal with a piddly virus that kills at its very worst, about 16% of over 80s that get it. Which is roughly their chance of dying in the next 12 months anyway. We need our lives back, and we need no one to ever listen to Neil Ferguson again. 

I'm going to mess up your next holiday linda, by claiming I was in contact with you the day before youre due to leave

And I want you to return the favour the next time I need a good excuse to get out of something

out of interest, given we've now got so much testing capacity why is the next action following the text to go home for 2 weeks, rather than go immediately to a testing centre?

I haven’t read about it but how are they going to contact you? I never answer my phone if I don’t recognise the number anyway ...

and surely if they ask who you’ve been in contact with you just say “no one, absolutely no one. oh no, wait, I did have a secret meeting with Dominic Cummings”

Fab idea from Mercz. Let’s have some fun with this thing

All this requires is people who just have sniffle not to go running off for a test 

"out of interest, given we've now got so much testing capacity why is the next action following the text to go home for 2 weeks, rather than go immediately to a testing centre?"

Because of the incubation period where you may not test positive I guess.

lol @ the idea of actually implementing this in London

I reckon you'd manage at most 3 consecutive mornings of going to work before you needed to self-isolate for 2 weeks. 

But Pancakes it’s nigh on impossible to now catch it in London and will only be a problem if you’re in or need to keep travelling to Liverpool.  Wonder if it will keep telling me to quarantine because I’ve been a couple of miles out to sea.

I shall ask my Isle of Wight spies how they’re finding it.

The BbC saying just now it might not be a phone call you get, it might be a text or email.

So theres your get out of jail card - yes i got an email but deleted as considered spam. Because lets be honest there is going to be masses of fraud associated with this, an avalanche.

You don't need to catch it yourself to be told to self isolate is the point sails 

I know Linda but the point is it’s so rare in London now you won’t get a text or possibly one a year.

Are they going to tell you who has claimed that you were in contact with them? What if you say ‘nope, it wasn’t me, soz’ or that it was actually only 10 minutes and your friend is a bit of a fanny anyway so no thanks? 

I think they are going to have to move to legal enforcement of this with police being given names of those contacted - well people are not going to sit around the house for 14 days, particularly not if they are not being paid.

Merkz - I heard yesterday that no, you wont be told who claimed they were near you.  Data protection, innit.  

1. Take tube and spend more than 15 mins in same carriage as Covey case

2. Reach work. 

3. Receive "go home for 14 days" text.

4. Wait it out at home for 14 days.

5. Return to step 1.

One obvious thing they should be doing is giving everyone who is ordered to stay at home a code which entitles them to priority home shopping delivery by bypassing the online queues with slots reserved for them

Lots of people hate asking for help and will do their own shopping regardless if they cant get a delivery.

Except that the system starting today is not going to be identifying strangers on the train, is it, it isnt the app.

you have to supply contacts yourself.

Wont this mean admitting to not maintaining social distancing?

So its open to massive failure because people will forget, misremember, say they were in contact with people they weren’t, etc etc. 

Why does everything this govt does have to be so fking useless? 

Whens the app coming then? Really do not get why we didn't take one off the shelf.

See I don't get this, you may be forced to be in contact with strangers on a tube or whatever uncomfortably close but you wont know who they are.  Who exactly is it people are going to admit to being in close contact with for 15 minutes plus ? Are they really going to admit to breaching social distancing with a mate or family member thereby condemning them to 14 days house arrest?   It is not as if there is any medicine that can be given to prevent the disease so you are effectively shopping your m8 for the "good of the community".  I don't see it happening, normal humans don't work that way.

I would say I hadnt been in contact with anyone (I wfh) and then just tell anyone I had seen that I had symptoms and had had a test.   

exactly kimmy you would leave it up to them if they wanted to self isolate you wouldn't put some official on their tail.

If there is an app and I download it and then switch my SIM into another phone will the Stasi know? Asking for a friend...

*who is a bit clueless about how phones work, just imagine 

Guy, I completely agree that people will not do it just “for the good of the community”.

And this is what the problem is with social distancing. You meet a friend, you think I am fine, but you dont know really whether your friend is fine, so you dont hug. You dont want to catch it, fine. Thats about risk assessing your behaviour to protect you.

But if you’re being asked to go from I will risk- assess my behaviour to protect myself to I will put myself in isolation to protect third parties....well, that isnt human nature is it, we cant keep that up. We’re not that altruistic.

Dear Lurkers, more peak rof right here? The same people who complained that lockdown was a human rights violation are now complaining that a system that prevents future lockdowns is also a breach of human rights.

It's a fascinating insight into herd mentality. 


What a horribly circular argument: accept this violation of your liberty to prevent a worse violation of your liberty. 


Well Minkie, I do think there is some altruism in that I think most people who are ill will be prepared to self isolate (at least there were pre-Cummings) for the good of the community.   I don't however think those that are not ill will agree to do so voluntarily , particularly if they are not even getting sick pay.  I also don't think people will  be prepared to condemn their mates to house arrest.

CV, I was in favour of the initial lockdown, and this is not about human rights it is about whether this system will work.

Lots of people will use this as a continuing excuse to not go out at all and shout murderer at anyone who leaves their front door.  Some will emerge from their homes in 5 years asking if covid is over and people will look at them and ask “what’s covid?”.

“Oh dear, I left my phone at home.“

”I don’t have a smartphone. I use an old school handset.”

”I couldn’t work out how to download the app.”

”I deleted the app by mistake”.

This is not workable. The genie is out of the bottle and the government hasn’t got a prayer of enforcing this.

As if they even have a clue how many people out there have Covid anyway.

Useless, bungling, khunts.

To start with it isn't even going to be by app - there isn't an app. Just anyone having a positive test will be asked to identify and provide contact details for people they've been in close contact with.  It's a typical British farce tbh 

1939 pacifist shout from R A

If that's the case, then you're suggesting our government are playing the part of the Nazis, they being the ones threatening lockdown?

The app was critical and now it is not particularly important - another example of government re-writing history to justify its continuing epic fuck ups.

There are already systems in use across the world that are working - why in the name of fuck are we trying and failing to re-invent the wheel?

i am wondering what happens if the 70 year old shopkeeper at my nearest shop gets symptoms.  could he identify me to the govt (maybe, we are on firat name terms and there arent many wangs round here)?  would he?  

more to the point he works in a petrol station ht actual f is he supposed to recall who he might have come in contact with over the last two weeks

Well, quite, Wang - and also wtaf is the point of doing so if there is no testing available? 

useless waste of time

The reality is this thing is going the way of Sars so after an initial burst where it runs rampant among a population who have no immunity and don't know it's around it basically dies out once people are aware of it and taking some vague precautions.

We have contact tracing where I am.  I had contact with someone who subsequently tested positive.  They finally got around to getting in touch with me over a month later.... I doubt the UK is going to be any more efficient tbh...


I thought they were only interested in contact lasting more than 15 minutes?   I don't think casual contacts with shopkeepers/customers is the sort of thing they will be asking about

15 mins or more for 2 metres, any length of time for 1

1m is very close to stand to a shopkeeper assuming they are standing behind a counter.

I did hear Boris yesterday telling the committee that he had repeatedly questioned Sage over the 2 m rule and why cant it be 1 m like WHO recommend. SO I am in agreement with him there. And I suspect he is just going to overrule them at some point soon.

Also did anyone else see BBC news yesterday explaining how the tracing system will work, when the reporter said you’ll be contacted about positive test of anyone you meet OVER 2 m instead of UNDER 2 m. It wasnt corrected. But then no one takes them seriously anyway.

I am beginning to suspect they are just using track and trace as a means to reassure public that the lockdown can been lifted - my guess is that the genuine analysis now is that this thing is less dangerous than initially thought but the rest of the country has to catch up with London, where it has already blown through - of course they cannot tell people that so come up with T&T which is basically window dressing.

of course they effing are you loon!

and to have a low level big brother is watching vibe on closeness

like, if some people believe it could work they will think twice about social contact

the tests don't even work properly

there are people with symptoms who are negative four times then positive on the fifth

FFS Guy this is what people have been saying for ages! 

The Beeb is doing a Q and A on the news about this atm.

No fvcking info at all of any use. 
Utter domnishambles

This cannot and will not work and what then will the government do? What happened to the App?

Lastly one could find themselves in permanent isolatoin right?