tell me a time when you have wreaked a low key revenge on an enemy

ideally in a work setting but any setting is fine

Brittania books order for a w**ker at school choosing the heaviest books.

glued up someone’s bike lock

responded to an equity NQ’s “X will deal with it” with “I’ll deal with it when you send me the documents.”


Long long ago in a far away shop, some Auntie blocked an introduction bonus when I brought a mutual acquaintance into the firm. He tried bleating that it was his idea too so the firm naturally said no to both of us.

Fast forward a few years and a managing partner of a niche shop that pays v well asks me if he should know anything about the bloke

feck yeah I blocked that


I helped my daughter do this the other weekend when I collected her from cub camp*.

Two of the boys (two who hadn't had to be collected by parents cos they got scared in the night)** had clearly gone full feral.  Shirts off, lord of the flies style feral.  My daughter had found an old football in the woods and the boys were continuing to try and get it from her, even once their so-called parents had arrived.  My daughter, who very much had inherited stubborness from her mother, refused.  I whispered to her that she should just boot the footie off into the stinging nettles and say "fine then, if you are going to be this silly, no1 wil have it".

She did.

The half naked boyds duly bounded off into the stingers like a pair of half naked labradors.***


Much squealing ensued.

My son, who was there as a "supervising scout" just tapped me on the shoulder and said "masterclass".

*yeah, grandad, girls do cubs these days

**none of the girls had to be collected early

***serves the little cvnts right for not being off on the hunt for woodland razz mags as baden powell would have wanted

Must have been very early noughties pre GDPR signing up a guy at  using his Ashurst Morris Crisp (as was) email address for various mailing lists including the Aberdeen Gay & Lesbian Badminton Club.

'woodland razz mags'... thems were the days isn't it, wasn't it, mmm?

never heard a plausible explanation for them. They'd be called 'Easter Eggs' in a computer game now and earn one XP upon discovery.

a firm has been mildly irritating me for a week or so, and this morning i received a "please sign this document it's very important" email from them.


so i took some pleasure in replying all and pointing out that i wasn't actually a director of the company, and that perhaps i was being a bit stupid but why was i being asked to sign it as chairman of the board of directors.


wrought, actually?

either fine as a past participle. unkle hyoo gets confused with those sorts of things

Would the GDPR have stopped you from doing it?

No but the sign up process may have required email confirmation that the address was genuine and the unsubscribe process probably would have been automated.

St John Hawke21 Sep 23 07:50


Brrrrrap, you need to get out more:

Takes some swift action to breach that copyright. Thankfully my electromagnetically-powered gyroscopic mouse wheel (not sure I've mentioned it) makes short work of it.

Nowhere to stash it at home for gen X-ers sounds plausible.

Quite liked the quote, '“it felt natural to return it. I kept it intact. Like lost and found.” The idea of dumping porn in order to replenish the wild stocks is an interesting and unexpected one...'

taking a second-hand Readers' Wives home then returning it to Ray Mears's library sounds a bit grubby tho.

Similar to Asti.  

Unpleasant bullying sort of fellow.

Years later approached by friend who is HoD at a huge firm for an off the record chat about a potential lateral. Guess who?


Have two absolute gems but my user name means the people concerned would know it was them.  Must really do a risky and get some sock-puppets 

Short version. Not actually sure this is "low key" (its pretty aggressive), but see the dating thread and my comment re. relationship with Mr GHF not being plain sailing. 

His ex harassed me for months - at work and at home - 5/6 calls or texts a day.  She worked in a functional role (i.e. not a teacher) in a posh private day and boarding school. 

Eventually I got the police involved and they said they'd have a word; she then told me that the police told her to continue contacting me, but I went back to the police with all the messages (both voice and text), and they confirmed that what she had said was b@llshit.  They also said that if I heard from her again and notified them, it would become a formal caution - thereby impacting her DBS check required for her employment in her school. 

So I sent her one further text, and I won't forget it,  "Don't contact me again, or you will be worrying about how you are going to keep your job". 

And, dear readers, I never heard from her again. 

So I sent her one further text, and I won't forget it,  "Don't contact me again, or you will be worrying about how you are going to keep your job". 

See, I would have just let her go on and then dock her in. I might worry if the text you sent could be spun by her as some form of blackmail.

one of my trainee supervisors was well known to be an utter nob to work for.

He used to buy a pack of digestives at the beginning of each week and leave them on the cabinet in the middle of the room. His ritual was 2 cups of tea a day, each with two bisuits. He told me near enough every day that he had counted them and I was not to touch them. Other trainees had committed this sin.

One week he complained for ages about the top two biscuits always being broken and how he was going to complain etc.

Being a creature of habbit, he would go off to the loo at the same time every morning. Every time he bought a new packet I would used this as my chance to smash the top of the packet on the cabinet before he opened them.

Every week.. broken biscuits... I passed the tip on to my replacement and I think it became a tradition for trainees he supervised. Petty yes but also satisfying.


My boss likes this counsel (because he is very good at it) but he treated me (a junior lawyer back then) like shit when we were in court. He would throw my drafts at me and say 'how TF can I hand this to the court' . Earlier this year my boss asked for my view on instructing this counsel because clients were complaining about his fees... I told him the story and not one brief has gone to this counsel ever since. 

Good work glasserz. At the time it was happening were you physically worried about her? Or just annoyed / pissed off? Asking as Ms Warren has had issues with an ex of hers but that was a bloke so slightly different dynamic.

Jane - biscuits thing - heh.  Good one.  An ex-girlfriend had a housemate (also female, call her J) who despised me, for no reason that I could ever figure out.  Occasionally, late of an evening / night, I'd slip upstairs to spend the night with my ex, and I'd be gone before 7am.  But J still called a house meeting and suggested that I should contribute to household expenses on the basis that I was helping to wear out the stairs carpet.  My ex was a pharmacist PhD, and she laced J's food with a powerful and long-lasting laxative shortly before J had a hot date.  

This enemy is a close relative; toxic, nasty, vindictive and talks to me like dirt. It's a cultural thing, talking down to their* younger relatives. They're not very well educated either.

I no longer make their tea, but when I was younger and did so, I spat in it. When I get the chance to do so again I will.

I'll drop their dry food (toast, a biscuit) on the floor before taking it in to them. Spit on their food when they're not looking.

Unfortunately I am partially dependent on them economically as my career is non-existent. NVTL I am gradually and secretly building an investment portfolio. It just takes a few of the instruments to be a 'unicorn' then I'm out of here.

I will abandon this person to their fate and a life of poverty. Yes, letting someone become destitute is one of the best forms of revenge.

*Pronoun not disclosed

Personally, I prefer revenge to be violent. 

My wife's sister has been an absolute dickhead to her for several years. I suspect she's not paying tax on rental income and am tempted to invite HMRC to have a look. 

Clive - no I wasn’t worried about her physically.  She just became pretty incessant - long, long messages being pretty rude about both Mr GHF and me, calling my work switchboard multiple times a day, leaving voicemails, and being asked to put through (it was work that gave her my mobile number) and posting fairly derogatory things on social media.  It wasn’t as if she even wanted him back - she had started sleeping with a friend of Mr GHF - all very soap opera trash storylines. Eventually, I’d had enough, and involved the police. But what pushed me over the edge was when I worked out she was lying about what the police had said to her. 

Nothing low key, sadly.

just full out warfare with sackings and damages awarded. Low key is not an option for my retaliations! 

Once I'm flush it will cold revenge.

Horses's heads -in-beds-style.  Or Vito and Luca Brasi versus the bandleader.

Or they die like Barzini, Moe Greene or Carlo Rizzi! Or Solozzo and Capt. McClusky. Badaboom!