Stuff you have absolutely no patience with anymore
Donny Darko's … 24 Jun 20 08:44
Reply |

Me - websites/apps that don't work when you try to book/buy something.  FFS it should not be this fvcking hard (and I swear it is getting worse). If your web site fvcks up more than once when I am trying to book then I am not coming to your cinema/theatre/theme park or buying whatever tat you are selling. You can fvck right off. Being a small business is no excuse.

This is an ever increasing annoyance in the great vuvu panic as more and more places introduce half ar8ed apps to book stuff. 

Lefties who care only about how good their intentions are and not a jot about the results of their “programmes”

The amount of the internet that still doesn't work properly on phones and tablets is laughable.

Not just low-budget shite like ROF, proper multinational corporate sites. Well over 50% of all web traffic is mobile at this point. 

The tear off tops on bottles of milk and yoghurt and stuff.

FUUUUUUUCKKKOFFFFFFYOUCUNTS

We can put men in space and do keyhole surgery and have nanotechnology, why can't we make things that peel off easily? Why? Please tell me. It makes me want to shout myself into a neutron star of rage which implodes exponentially and sucks the entire universe into a single, tiny, dense point of light. And then explodes again so we can start again, with kids that don't cause me to rage so hard.

Fuck you, Arla. Fuck you right in the bum.

Lids not kids. That was Samsung's fault, who can also fuck the fuck off.

Another vote for garbage websites.

Also, what Tromb said. “Tear here... to no effect”. Get fucked. 

Colleagues

Also cookie warnings and other stuff that spoilers your browsing experience. Who was responsible for whatever batshit crazy control freak legislation demanded that?

Not a current problem, but restaurants where you ask for the bill and it takes 20 minutes to arrive.  If I ask for the bill it’s because I want to leave now, not at an indeterminate point in the future.  It’s not Rocket science.

The stupid, particularly those with opinions and access to a keyboard.

People who revel in stupidity.  “They never taught me that in school”. Did you stop learning when you were 18?
 

It’s a long list.....

Google now suggests strong passwords for everything and keeps them in operational across all signed-in devices. Real life saver. But if anyone gets into my Google, I'm fucked. 

tv presenters at the beginning of a show explaining that they are socially distanced from their colleagues

Chicken McNuggets. 

They come in 3 shapes. The round one doesn't dip well into the little pots of sauce they provide you with because it's too wide so you have to take a bite of it (which is dry), or you have to break it in half (which reminds you you're consuming filthy reconstituted chicken paste.)

WHHHHYYYYYYY? Why Ronald? Why do you do this you fucking face-painted big footed cunt. I hate hate hate you. 

I don't know why anyone gets 6 nuggets for £3.19 when you can get 20 for £4.50. 

 

 

more of a pre-March problem, but rubbish staplers in the office.  Nobody seems prepared to throw a stapler away if it is ineffective. 

Henry Vacuum Cleaners.

Their suction properties are without question first class, but sooooooo fucking shit to use.

They tip over onto their sides faster than a pissed up scouser slag full of Lambrini at Aintree. They refuse to follow you into a different room like a dog trying to avoid being put in the car because it knows the vet is going to remove their scrote. And what about stairs? Am I supposed to carry the smug, smiley little prick step by step?

Fuck off Henry, get in the sea you horrible little clunge.

Websites that look like they have loaded then drop down just after you went to click on something taking you to the wrong page

 

i am looking at you Guardian website

Website related. When a drop down menu does not have the selection that is correct for you, and there's no free form or way to put N/A or otherwise, so you're forced to put in the wrong answer.

I remember filling out some forms for a magic circle background check and Cayman Islands was not a country, so I couldn't move forward in the process. Because no Brits ever worked in the Cayman Islands before.

Ugh. But that happens a lot in general.

I really don't like technology that doesn't work properly generally. I picture some shit testing and quality control management and get so angry. I blame Apple, which generally makes things that just work as expected. Or did do, before Jobs died.

 

Henry does look smug

he should have a sneer on his face as if to say ‘Christ, you people live like this? You dirty bastards’

I think the problem with websites is they are like lawyers. People decide they can DIY to save cash. Google pay people pay people to determine which shade of blue makes it more likely you will click on a link.  

I have no time for people that don't indicate when driving, or who behave like it's the 70s leaving litter everywhere. They should just be shot as they are uncivilised. Same goes for two abreast cyclists who wheel out some wank justification when really they are just tedious fuckers that deserve to be locked in a cage save for the odd Pulp Fiction style excursion. 

Henry Vacuum Cleaners.

Their suction properties are without question first class, but sooooooo fucking shit to use.

They tip over onto their sides faster than a pissed up scouser slag full of Lambrini at Aintree. They refuse to follow you into a different room like a dog trying to avoid being put in the car because it knows the vet is going to remove their scrote. And what about stairs? Am I supposed to carry the smug, smiley little prick step by step?

Fuck off Henry, get in the sea you horrible little clunge.

 

hard agree with this; and the little fucker refuses to break so I can get a shark, which look amazing 

Tromb easy solution to your nugget problem.  Dunk tongue in dip then bit nugget.

Lefties Righties who care only about how good their intentions are appear and not a jot about the results of their “programmes” anything but themselves

 

 

Oh forgot, cyclists who insist on riding bike on pavement and pedestrian only paths. Since vuvu struck, they seem to just think bikes can go anywhere at anytime.

Maddening. I hate them.

Bananman, if there isn't enough space to overtake two abreast then you shouldn't be overtaking at all.

 

Hopey helpy.

Fence Foal

Passwords

fvcking passwords

-------------------

I hear ya. There are several of my credit cards that I can only log on to through my phone as I have no idea what the passwords (plural) are. "Wait... does this need my password, or my memorable information? Or my memorable word? Or the passcode?"

Thank god for FaceID....I know it's probably terrirble in a 1984 Big Brother way, but I'm soo glad when an App just looks at my face and says yep that's Canadian..let him in boys.

Rather than ask me for 1 of about 100 variants of the same password I've used since 1995.

 

Tromb you lack dedication if you don't lick the remnants of the dip out of the tub when you've finished.

Password wise I have one random combination of letters that means something to me but nothing to anyone else and I have no apparent connection with the place it's effectively an anagram of.  I just use that for everything.

pick a long password

iloverollonfridaytoday

 

then for each website stick a letter at the front and back

eg gmail password would be giloverollonfridaym

amazon ailoverollonfridaym

obvs i mucked up by missing the today bit but you get the premise i hope

People that cut a night short because they have to get the last train home or have work the next day. 

 

If we're out we're out. No looking at watches

Bananman, if there isn't enough space to overtake two abreast then you shouldn't be overtaking at all.

I hate to state the obvious but you need more space to overtake two abreast than you need to overtake one.

And there is literally no reason for people to cycle two abreast.

You’re supposed to allow them a whole lane apaz, even if there’s only one of them. I learned that on my speed awareness course advanced driving test.

Right but then you're going to have several miles of tailbacks and some dipshit behind you who tries to overtake eight cars at once and ends up going head on into a lorry.

that 10 second advert before the main video clip on specialist video clip websites. Laz will know

yesterday i went on tsb banking website to pay a bill and it asked for the eighth character of the memorable info.

the mem info code has only 7 characters.

i am so effing tired of tsb internet banking.

The issue there, Penelope, is not cycling two abreast. It's failing to care or notice that there is a tailback and pull over so they can pass.

But yes, as Fence Foal says, you should not be overtaking cyclists if you can't go fully into the other lane, and if you are ignoring that then you are the bellend in the equation.

It's failing to care or notice that there is a tailback and pull over so they can pass.

Heh, I have literally never seen a cyclist do this.

I routinely do that.
 

Way too many cyclists are inconsiderate assholes. But then this is true of drivers as well. 

I do wonder why horseriders and tractors don't get the same abuse on this issue.

Oh no! Something is delaying your super important country lane Sunday journey by 2 minutes.

Whatever shall you doooooo.

I do wonder why horseriders and tractors don't get the same abuse on this issue.

Tractors usually can't pull over (although I have seen them do so a lot more than cyclists) and with horses unfortunately you've got the issue of not wanting to spook a live animal with a mind of its own who could potentially kill itself, its ride and other road users.

Websites asking if I'd like to receive notifications from them.  FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF AND LICK A DEAD GOAT'S ANUS.

Drivers failing to accept that cyclists have equal rights to the road.  So if they're in front, going slower than you, that's unfortunate but not their problem to solve for you.  (FAOD, I am not a cyclist).

Oh, selfish piece of shit neighbours who think everyone wants to listen to their shitty music and because they don't have jobs that must mean no one else does either. 

Do they own their house or rent toastie?

I bet my awful neighbours are reflecting that maybe screaming "we can do what we like KAREN" at me repeatedly wasn't so big and clever after all 

Ooh, oooh here's one.  People relentlssly pointing out inconsistencies in social distancing measures.

How cooommmme, riggghtt, if I'm allowed to buy biscuits in a shop, which make you fat and increase death, but I'm not allowed to ride a horse on the path in case I go within 2 metres, when I go at night and nobody's even on it!!???  Madness!?!?!?  

Ads for random crap that include the words 'at this difficult time' or something similar. It was tedious 2 months ago, it provokes me to throw things now...

I bet my awful neighbours are reflecting that maybe screaming "we can do what we like KAREN" at me repeatedly wasn't so big and clever after all 

Why, what did you do in revenge?

People who create fantasy personas on websites then forget the details and inadvertently reveal that they are dim witted liars.

Tractor drivers are pretty good at pulling over as they are meant to do it whenever they can but also they're doing their job rather than weekend cyclists who just out for a jaunt.  Combine drivers don't give a toss about traffic though as anyone who crashes into them is going under the cab and into a large pile of metal so the combine driver won't even have a scratch.

Like any good 'Karen' I complained to the manager ie their landlord. Who, sick of receiving complaints about them went round to have a chat with them and found they've turned his house into a shit hole. They're being evicted 

ads from restaurants to deliver sunday roasts - it is obvious that a sunday roast will be fucking horrible by the time it has been packed up and transported to your home.  One is charging £75 for a roast for a family of 4  - who in their right mind?

I know someone who got a roast from a local restaurant and apparently it was excellent.  To be fair they collected it from the restaurant and transported it carefully rather than having it stuffed in the box on the back of a moped.

Do they own their house or rent toastie?

I bet my awful neighbours are reflecting that maybe screaming "we can do what we like KAREN" at me repeatedly wasn't so big and clever after all 

They rent from a housing association so are effectively untouchable. Also, this means I get the added bonus of having to pay their rent through my taxes, so that's nice.

Some of our more "difficult" neighbours have assaulted the concierge and security staff that look after the entire development on multiple occasions, broken into the private blocks to smoke weed in their stairwells and corridors and their most recent innovation has been spitting on the door handles of private blocks.

A few of them managed to crash a stolen car into a couple of the benches we have on the grassy area completely destroying them.  We occasionally have homeless people sleeping there so it could have been a lot worse.  No one was hurt as far as I know luckily. 

The police have arrested a few of them for assault a few times, but there are basically zero consequences. All the housing association does is send the odd email saying "we would like to remind you to please behave like civilised human beings" to no avail.

The noise disturbs us as our block overlooks theirs, I can only imagine how bad it is for people who actually have to share a block with them.

People who play music or games on public transport without headphones.  Extra points for letting your shitty dribbling moron of a kid do it.

 

People who play music or games on public transport without headphones.  Extra points for letting your shitty dribbling moron of a kid do it.

This should be a hanging offence. If I had to power to uninvent portable music players of any kind I would. It's just so, so selfish.

Yesterday, walking in the park there was a girl walking her dog while holding her phone which was blasting out music.  Why?  Can that really be a good listening experience even for her? 

Think it depends on the housing association.  When I'm in London I live in a block that has half a dozen housing association flats but I had no idea until the housing association rep turned up to a residents meeting.

Cyclists on country lanes are an absolute fvcking menace.  I am actually super careful about not overtaking them unless there is plenty of room but a hell of a lot of them just sort of shift a cm or two towards the verge and then wave you past (usually on a blind bend). I have literally never seen a cyclist properly pull over to let cars past.  

Horses are completely different as almost nobody (at least nobody sane) takes a horse out on the road for longer than they absolutely have to in order to get to a bridal way and they will almost always go out of their way to let cars past sensibly (as they really don't want the cars crawling behind them anyway). They also generally live in the area rather than shipping in from all over the country. You would be unlucky to see more than two groups of horses on a 50 mile drive in the country. These days 10 groups of cyclists in a 50 mile drive is not uncommon including at least two groups of 10 plus cyclists who are a frigging nightmare to get past on a country lane.

Farm vehicle are part of the countryside.  Guests to the countryside should have to work around them within reason and not vice versa. 

Heh @ Linda

My mate I was living with for a while had awful neighbours upstairs, music all hours etc.  Finally he worked out these weren't the original Council house tenants, rather the origionals had illegally sub-contracted the flat and lived somewhere else cheaper.  I said lets dob them in, but wise old owl that he was he thereafter used the threat of it to make the 'landlord' control their 'tenant' and there were no further problems.  

Those of us who are from the countryside get slightly aroused following large bits of agricultural machinery.  Much more interesting than something like a Ferrari.

"People who play music or games on public transport without headphones.  Extra points for letting your shitty dribbling moron of a kid do it."

People with radios etc taped TO THEIR BIKES

People driving cars with banging music audible in the street.

Go join Mark Duggan tbh.

People who talk about their commutes (unless there was a hilarious reason it was crap).

I have not missed the "oh, so I normally get the 07:23 from Great Wazzock and change at Godlaminger for the 07:43 to London, but today there was a queue for the car park, which meant I got the 07:25 which means I had to change at LittlePeen to get the 07:34, which should have reached Godalming in time for the 07:43, but there was a signal delay but I made it to Godalming for 07:44 but THE SAME SIGNAL DELAY meant the 07:43 was delayed to 07:49 so I made it!!!!!  And that train derailed and everyone died.

Food expiry dates that don't have a buffer week or two added to them. As in you open the packet 2 days later and nearly die from something ebola like.

Sounds like you need to build up your immune system. Start with only eating yoghurts one day after the use by date, then add a day each time until you're eating them a month past the date. Then try it with things like ham.

 "we can do what we like KAREN" 
 

guilty heh @ this 

Oh God I forgot about commuting stories.

Fascinating.  And what did you dream about last night?

I went to a meeting with someone yesterday.  They drove down the M42, M1 and M65 and M44b (sliproad) but the sat nav said it was closed but it wasn't!!!

IN. THE. BIN.

" ask for the bill and it takes 20 minutes to arrive."

I find getting up and walking to the door works well

And Karen, don't you worry about some sort of revenge being taken ?

Not really. The whole street hates them, several people complained to their landlord over the weekend, what they gonna do?

and if my tyres get slashed my suspect list is pretty short 

Baby wipes that clump together mid-change of a dirty nappy

Wifi issues- In this day and age, it shouldn't happen

Long haul flights (admittedly not something I need to worry about for a while)

 

Websites that let you complete all the boxes up to the last one which is the country of your address, at which point their algorithm decides that they want you to use a completely different website which opens COMPLETELY EMPTY of all the data that you have just entered.

Hollie, I find it really difficult to believe that u and thuggy have a short list of potential tyre slashers.

oh, website that don't give accurate postage costs until you're on the final page.  The site knows your country so can easily say "free delivery for spend over £25 and £3 for spends under" so you know where you stand.  Buttsniffers.

About the cyclist holding you up:

a lone cyclist going from A to B: no problem, it’s a public road

two or more in a peloton in full lycra on a Sat morning blocking the road while they pace each other: fvck off. It’s a public road, not your personal gym.

GDPR 

Emails requesting the sending of an email to someone else to chase something (ffs)

 

When you can't find the start of a roll of sellotape. Why must it be so hard?

 

Also when blutack stops sticking.

I hesitate to go here because I got about 8months worth of abuse and notifications on twitter for summat similar , but lots of cyclists are awful (not all, obvs)

Fat men in Lycra. The whole concept of the replica shirts they wear is awful. The way they pollute the back roads is annoying. They never stop and let people pass even though they know there are tailbacks. They tede around in my local cafe every Saturday. Delaying my sausage sarnie. 
 

Et fin

Tbf, equal right to the road so if they are there they can proceed at their chosen speed. It's annoying. I'm not a cyclist, as I said above, but thinking they have an obligation to get out of your way is just wrong. It leads to to getting irrationally frustrated, and zooming past when not entirely safe to do so. 

If you hit a pita cyclist, that's on you. 

Just treat it as nature's chill and wait for it to pass.  We all seem to get irrationally irritated by a 30 second delay to our journey. The stress isn't worth it. 

@ guy there is a reason why no chain has rolled out Roasts because it travels worse than any other dish, and cannot be cooked to order. Who wants roast pork, or beef that has been reheated multiple times. BesIdes I enjoy cooking roasts.

Passwords

Kids/people who play their music on loud speaker in public

People who litter

Call centres " Thank you for calling, please visit our website where you can find all the information" No fuck off , I have called for a reason

Call centres, you know the sequencing, press 1 for this option 2 for this, and you try and short circuit by pressing 2678, and doesn't allow you to, and you have to listen to the whole menu, grr!

Cyclists, ride like lunatics like there house is on fire and shout " get out of the way!"

Jelly - a peloton of cyclists on a narrow country road is not 30 seconds of delay it's a fvcking massive tail back particularly when (as it so often is) it is a 8 fat middle aged fvckers in stupid replica jerseys crawling up a modest incline at about 10mph.  It happens more and more in the summer and there is absolutely no need for it.

The UK is a busy country with sh1tty infrastructure.  A new group of people coming along and disrupting the way that infrastructure can be used in a completely new way (this simply wasn't an issue 20 years ago) ought to involve some debate and compromise.

 

Donny, they still have equal rights to the road. You should write to your MP about that, to get them to promote a bill in parliament. 

In any case, I've been delayed more often by fatal car accidents than roving pelotons.  I always shout abuse at the corpse highlighting their insensitivity. 

My actual point here is when people have a "fucking cyclists fucking fuck off" attitude (rather than "these people have just as much right to the road as me, if if I did have the bad luck to come across 6 of them on an incline"), then you are more likely to drive aggressively and perhaps do something that puts them at unnecessary risk. Don't be angry, man. 

Heh, good luck finding an MP prepared to take that one on.

In fairness to the cyclists they have done an excellent job of hijacking tagging on to the green lobby in a way that makes them almost untouchable but an awful lot of it is just antisocial and frankly not remotely green as they aren't replacing car journeys they are driving half way across the country their fvcking range rovers to get there. 

I do wonder why horseriders and tractors don't get the same abuse on this issue.

 

They're usually on the road out of necessity and get off it ASAP.  Tractor drivers do pull over if there is a queue behind.

 

But cyclists are nothing compared to caravans.  I really don't see the pleasure in driving 200 miles at stupid mph so you can empty your own toilet.  For the price of a caravan you can probably have a year's worth of B&B.

I don't get annoyed by it - you're treating it as an adverse infra disruptor tech, so presumed you'd be the one to promote this.

People in queues for refreshment who stand slack-jawed staring at the menu when their turn comes, before asking all sorts of pointless questions and taking a week to order something simple that they should have worked out beforehand (and then adding to/subtracting from the order with a 'oh, ah, actually can I..').  When I behind them want a flat white and can transact in three words and ten seconds.   There should be a separate queue for the pathologically stupid.  This might of course be just a Surrey thing. 

It's not just a Surrey thing 

see also people who pull six inches onto a petrol forecourt and hover there, causing a tailback onto the road behind them 

pick a fucking pump and get behind the car currently using it. Commit, people. 

Absolutely agree. Best lockdown purchase by far has been a Dyson Animal. You wonder why they couldn’t make ventilators when they’re this good at other stuff.