Serious post

what would you do if someone you knew was being hit by his / her spouse?

Go for a drink with them and let them talk about it.

Offer them a place to stay for a while.

What else can you do?

i'd support them.  but i'd suggest it's not really on and they ought to leave


It depends how you know this 

if they've told you directly, listen, support, encourage to leave without judgement if they aren't ready to. Offer logistical help to do so 

if you know it some other way, it's difficult 

"Ought" doesn't help in this situation 

feeling judged for not being willing / ready just makes the victim feel worse and more isolated 

that's sort of what I was aiming with suggesting it's not really on - i'd do it obliquely to try to work out what they were thinking and not being judgey.


if you see what I meant


I have said: keep a contemporary record by taking a photo and sending yourself an e-mail.

I have said contact a support group for abused spouses

this person knows that he / she can come and stay whenever he / she wants

he / she is very proud and hates showing any weakness

I think that the other party is a bully and a despicable human being of the highest order and I would have no problem going round there and having it out with her / him.  If the other party tried to hit me, I'd wallop him / her back and call the cops - THAT WOUDL BE THE MOST TERRIBLE THING TO DO

yesterday morning, there was a lot of emotional abuse and it seems that last night the physical violence happened.

It's certainly not the first time.

I know directly as does my friend's parents, but all we can do is support as friend won't / can't take what would appear to be the logical steps.

your poor friend. Is there any way of involving the Police as yet?

Everything that you said Judy, good luck. I don't think there is much else you can do.


Would only add maybe phone or message very regularly to show the person that you are there for them.

he/she?  could'nt you have just put 'they'

But on a serious note, why are they still living with the abuser?

What is your friends reason for not leaving or kicking them out?

spouse hates me as he / she has systematically cut friend off from anyone independent of spouse.  spouse has tried also to alienate friend from me.

in my opinion spouse is properly psycho

I am in regular contact by text but friend can't take calls when spouse is there

you would never ever know that is what is going on behind closed doors with this couple; you'd think that they were the perfect family.  it's quite sinister

T Pot, I genuinely have no idea.






There is nothing you can do if they wont help themselves, if the parents know as well and still nothing is getting done, why is that?


Is money involved?

Ahh apols. I didn't read the OP. Assumed it said being hit on.

Hope your friend is okay. This is a horrible situation. No quick fix since often the violence is combined with mental abuse leaving her weak, and in some cases even thinking she deserves it. Can occur especially in those who were abused in some way, even just mentally by a parent or other during their youth. They find comfort in it since it is what they know and are used to.

Only she can solve this. She has to want to. Hitting is a big red light. Once is too much.


Abbs and T Pot: because it really is never that simple. Facetious suggestions like that will not help.

Are they rich?  live in a nice house  in a nice area?


IG how do you know it is a she who is getting abused?

Tis the more common way. But my post would apply equally the other way round.

When you say Properly Phyco do you mean mentally ill, or just a serious nasty bit of work.



A nasty piece of work.

but you would never ever know it, just by looking at this person.

I remember being at a party with friend and someone referring to spouse as the "kind of person who just makes life worth living" 

it's awful when that happens but I think quite common (abusers often "well-liked community figures")

poor your friend, jc. your advice sounds good.

Stixta, I am well aware that it is not that simple, it is actually a nightmare, but it was only a question.

I have been on the  wrong side of this issue and no very well how complex it is. I was relatively lucky in that I was bigger and stronger than her and used to deal with it by threatening to and then calling the police.

As for reasons I didn't kick her out, she was clearly mentally ill, ( ended up getting sectioned) , it would have made her homeless, she had no money, would have almost certainly ended up on the game.


There's a woman on 90 day fiance who refuses to give up on her Indian "fiance" who she has just learned has lied to her being already married 

Crying all the time, having sold her property and left her job to move to India

Some people just cannot be helped, although her lesbian daughter is offering emotional support on Skype 

My advice would be to take up martial arts and use the guy as a free training session 

Abs, re your 12:38, I am afraid that it is one of my bugbears, I can't bear the third person plural being used for third person singular. It's grammatically incorrect.

I would offer advice to leave him but if I get a whiff that she's prevaricating about doing this, I'd just leave them both to it. Sounds heartless but I just couldn't abide anyone volunteering to put themselves through it.