Right who wants to buy this property
Grouville St. Mary 06 Aug 20 10:33
Reply |

It’s a bit too swanks up Barrett homes for my liking but who wouldn’t want a giraffe in their living room?

Picture 25 gives the game away. Multiple CCTV screens, two of which appear to be showing some kind of gypsy caravan park. Clearly this is a pikey drug lord's house

It is beyond awful, I guess it is owned by a boxer or footballer. You would meet to spend another million to start again

it is hideous inside. Hard to decide which picture is the grimmest. The underglow lighting on the bed in pic 62 is my current favourite.

Spider, I think the real question is, why don’t all houses?

I've never understood sun loungers by indoor pools.

Looks good for perving on the neighbours given that the bedroom in the next door house is about three feet away.

what neighbours sails, even if there was a 'neighbour" the plot is big enough you need never see them.

There is quite clearly a much less ridiculous house very close by which you can see from many of the pictures. Sails is right, which are three words I never thought I would type.

i completely understand sun loungers inn indoor pools.

i like the outside bits of this house. and I like the pool

It's hideous. The pool is the only acceptable bit 

Ebit look at the photo of the front and they've built right up to the boundary so the neighbour is virtually in your bedroom.  I see this all the time in St. George's Hill and similar estates where they build a house that's too big for the plot so you have a large plot with a master bathroom window six feet from your neighbour.

I laughed out loud at Superman and Batman hanging out in the home cinema/bar/restaurant/entertaining area. This has to be a footballer, right? It's like what some child movie star would do without any parental restraint.

that chandelier in the kitchen would get very greasy 

sails true, but plenty of room to hide from view.Its awful regardless

What kind of get-together/social event would a layout like the one in Photo 10 make sense?

A socially distanced one, where everyone gets their own immaculate uncomfortable couch to sip their tea from Versace china

I like how they've got with a Chronicles of Riddick theme through out, very Necromonger 

It's not exactly my taste but it's far from awful.

Just jealousy.  Most on here could only dream of a gaff like that despite being so incredibly cleverer than everyone else.

It's decent.  The chav could be toned down a bit - but overall. it's nice. 

Awful. Hideous. Shows money cannot buy style or taste and it looks like all the furniture and refurb has been done from an eastern european TK Maxx outlet. 

More shelves for booze than books and what's with small clothing and shoe cupboard with no room for shoes? 

The floors look like a death trap too. 

Looks like a set up for a docudrama like  "my big fat gypsy mansion acquired from illegal proceeds".   

Sod that, look at the map of where it is.  I want the castle-style folly on the corner.

Wouldn't like to take a UV light to that night club floor.


Also, the CCTV room is rather Epsteiny.

Could Walter and Macawbre please post some pictures of their houses for the rest of us to snigger at snobbishley please?

Macawbre does not make the interior design decisions 

This has footballer written all over it. Revolting 

it’s gr8, except for the fvcking aga ... supes was right about them

WW it is interesting that you cannot conceive that many people would have no wish to live in a vast house like that.   There is a sweet spot where I might be envious but that is way way beyond it.

Could transport it and use it as a summer house in Lyds's garden.

2000 square foot kitchen, sod that. You sit down to eat and then remember you left the knife and fork by the sink, and have to get it..

It’s Essex. Not the nice bit of Essex near Suffolk. It’s the bit between Basildon, Saufend-on-sea and Canvey. 

£9.5m is a lot for a Basildon suburb.


as pic 36 shows, all that space and still not enough space for shoes

I couldn't possibly live somewhere with fewer than 13 bathrooms. 

It’s not to my lower middle class unambitious jealous bookworm lawyer taste.  It needs more Penguin Classics coffee mugs etc.


Phoebe I was looking at it and thinking for a house that size all the rooms seem strangely small and the dining room is particularly long and narrow.  All the storage is strangely limited and the wine cupboard in the dining room wouldn't last long if you have a big dinner party.  I think it tells you something that the two big rooms are the night club and gym.

Wonder how many bodies are buried under the foundations

With all the giraffe statues, I am wondering if this was bought by Matt le blanc when he was doing top gear.  Missing the rainy window thing

Who’d have all the trophies in picture 22?

David, it’s over to yweweweewwww

It's a strange house in lots of ways, including that some of the rooms and sofa layouts and designs suggest that it is used as an Arabian style 'majlis', but on the other hand there is a very visible wine cabinet!

Sails, of the wine goes there is all that champagne in the living room bar.


why would the estate agent take a photo of the driveway but leave their average car in view?

Good spot sozzle my eye was drawn to the weeing statue of the cherub

It’s an odd choice of agent. Everything else on their books are 6-figure semis...

“The Essex cost really is another country.”


How very dare you! That’s the posh bit of Rayleigh, with access to the metropolitan delights of Southend and a coveted SS postcode, I’ll have you know.

In any event, it’s Thames estuary there, really. 

This is Essex coast 


the one thing from this that is an absolute “must have”, for me, is the faux samurai warrior armour on a stand (weird pool sausage float thing tied round the waist aside)

i want

couple of minor points:

- the photos make the bedroom ceiling heights look reaaaaally low. that’s an absolute dealbreaker

- after shelling all that money, ytf have they only got shitty wooden fencing round the garden? i want to see massive brick walls with iron spikes and security gates, like i am living in a swanky part of cape town

Or this in Thorpe Le Soken


Commute’s a bit of an arse from there or the previous one in Maldon, but who cares about that in these days of WFH


That is truly hideous.  There is so much to dislike.  However, I'm thinking pro golfer shout with all the trophies...

By the looks of it, it is a Jersey property.  No thanks.

By the looks of it, it is a Jersey property.  No thanks.

How many pro golfers would be able to afford a house like this one

The only bit I like is the pool in photo 2 that's the only tasteful bit, the rest is hideous.

Surely a pro golfer would have at least a putting green?

i think it has to be a footballer

I like it!

I mean it needs a complete redecorate but the bar and swimming pool and cinema gets my vote, Clive

also I am pretty sure I have seen this house on Through the Keyhole

unless you surrounded yourself with hangers on, which would in itself be annoying the bar and nightclub set up would be mostly empty which I think would be a bit depressing - who wants to sit in an empty club?   It would all be a bit The Shining.

  • There is only one poster I want to hear from on this topic
  • he has not blessed us with a declaration
  • He must be 2 biz-e bossin dolla or garnering lean muscle tissue

Been doing some Lloyd Grossman-style detective work.  

The trophies contain champagne bottles - I think they are man of the match bottles, so a team sport.

The framed football shirts are mostly Arsenal, but there are a couple of Man Utd shirts in there.  Unlikely that a player of another sport would have both clubs' shirts framed.  So footballer looking likely.

Recent players for both teams include Alexis Sanchez and Robin van Persie.  

There are framed Nike and Adidas boots.  Van Persie has used Nike for most of his career.  Sanchez too.  There are boots from other sports - basketball, so my guess is that the owner's spouse or kids like a Man U player and have added to the collection.

Sanchez is about to complete his move to Inter Milan so wouldn't need family home in the UK.  Rof, I give you the owner, Alexis Sanchez (in the nightclub, with a candlestick).

Sanchez purchased a £2m home in manchester which he is now selling. 

Christ, that house is ugly as fuck. And weirdly close to the neighbours, given that it costs ten million quid and is in, er, Kent.

Vijay Patel

Chairman and CEO, Waymade PLC

After coming to the UK from Kenya at the age of 15, Vijay qualified as a pharmacist and set up his own high-street pharmacy, Chemy’s, in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex. He grew this into a chain of over 20 branches before selling to Boots (now Walgreen Alliance Boots). He set up Waymade PLC as a short-line wholesaler and distributor and grew it to a £300m turnover business at its peak.

Doubt it's van Persie.  I used to be neighbours with Eboue when i lived in Enfield.  At that time he was at Arsenal, van Persie had a massive pad near Cuffley not far from the training ground.

Google earth yields street number

Director records gives companies registered at that address and name of Director

Sorry I have just read the detective post properly.

If anything, the house is a bit small and a understated for me.

Vijay Patel sounds more likely then, but I'm not giving up on my detective work.  Rof, I give you the true owner...



Ray Parlour.

You should work for Bellingcat Elfffi, although I suspect you are completely the opposite politically.

Looking at the age of the shirts it could be Mikael Silvestre, but could he afford that gaff? Also he left Arsenal ages ago so why sell now?

There are more trophies and a load of hats on pic 50 in the gym. The hats look more motor racing than football.

That's got "UAE shiny Bling" or "footballer" written all over it.

Amazing work elfffi, boring result, but amazing work.

It's in Essex - Hammers training ground is near Romford but otherwise it's nowhere near a prem club ground. 


Your two examples of properties offer much better value, more space and privacy, and no bling! 

Fun fact - the property at the top of this thread is in the constituency of Mark Francois MP.

not my thing at all

built to the requirements of a footballer, I assume

Land registry says

"(10.12.2010) PROPRIETOR: BELISCO ESTATES LIMITED (incorporated in The British Virgin Islands) of Atrium Centre, Suite 409 Khalid Bin Walid Street, Dubai, United Arab Emirates and care of 49 Queen Square, Bristol BS1 4LW. 

(10.12.2010) The price stated to have been paid on 30 November 2010 was £3,000,000.

There is a charge in favour of:

(01.09.2014) Proprietor: GROUP METALS BUSINESS LIMITED (incorporated in Dubai) care of 199a Whiteladies Road, Clifton, Bristol BS8 2SB. 


3 to 9.5 in ten years is a good return if they get it. 

I love it btw. Needs toning down in some areas, and the front steps lack imagination. But in 20 years the gardens could be truly special.