Isn't this more a question of state v state?

Primary is important from a happiness perspective- caring, supportive, building confidence etc.

Think education wise it's what you do at home that counts. 

The fact you reckon parking is possibly enough of a reason not to send them to a better school makes me think you are a fat bottomed lazy oaf of a man that probably needs to rely on others to put the effort in. Hence if I were you I'd stick my head in an oven 

Sort of, it ends up state v private at secondary level. The private in question is one of the best in the country (well, top 50, which counts as such I think)

heh at parking being a decisive factor in school choice.

Heh.

Really pleased to have this thread as I don’t think we have discussed state v private on here before.

Heh - it’s not so much the parking per se but c 30 min commute through traffic either side of the day at primary level. This maybe isn’t a big deal in London. 

I personally was sent miles away to school, and didn’t see it as a problem but discussing it with others they are all saying we’re mad not to just send her next door and I wonders if I’m missing something. 

How far away is the primary? Can't you take the bus and carry on to work afterwards?

I do this with nursery even though it makes me late for work pretty much daily.

send her to the best school you can imo - isn't there a bus?  I caught the bus on my own from about 8 onwards.

Get the nanny to drop her off with the Chauffeur. Problem solved.

Yeah but she is three and aiui she’ll have to be personally handed over to staff rather than dropped at the gates. 

fwiw I agree re best school but Mrs G has some doubts from some lefty teacher m8s who’ve said school is about gaining a social circle and that “the bright ones will do ok whatever”

Have you visited the school next door? What's it like? 

Oh christ, I just posted on one of these threads. 

If you send her to private school just imagine the friends she'll be making.

Of course you might actually be ok with her wanting to follow Arabella and Penelope to Courchevel during half term.

Heh - it’s nice. Smaller so less facilities but less kids and the teachers we spoke to were all really engaged. 

Fred there’ll be an element of that at the grammar anyway, it’s footballer territory. 

I'd go with the nice one next door. You get a feel for a place as soon as you walk in. The academic places can be pretty cold. And who's to say where you'll be living in 7 years? 

And the driving to the other one will do your fooking swede in. 

Is this fooking mumsnet now? 

It is now you're here, sweetcheeks. 

Who cares? They're 3 ffs.

Everyone thinks their toddler is bright and grammar school material. It's cute 

she is 3!

Plus everyone thinks their child is bright and special,

My oldest (4) can do 9 keepy uppies she may however have inherited my brittle bones 

I bet your fingers snapped doing those parentheses around the 4. 

A few thoughts:

1. Being an early talker is not a sign that they will 'do well' in primary school. My eldest was a ludicrously early talker (it was almost creepy) and is very middle of the road in his class at age 7.

2. What Bam said about primary school (or at least infants) it is very much about them liking school and the idea of learning as well as building social skills and independence.  That is more important than how much knowledge a school can ram into them early on.

3. If the commute to the good school is going to place stress on you or your other half don't do it.  You won't be able to avoid the kid seeing that stress and you really don't want going to and from school to be viewed by your kid as stressful.

4. There is real value in the kid going to school near their house with other kids who live near by so they can easily do play dates etc.

It's a little bit different for us (all our options are private here in the middle east) but we send our kids to a 'community school' rather than one of the academic hot housing branches of the big name UK schools so that they can walk to school in the morning and have a generally relaxed time of things in relation to school. I am very comfortable with that decision.

This all assumes the school next door is 'fine' btw. If none of the kids speak English or they are all beating each other over the head all day and calling each other c**ts or whatever then its clearly a different story. 

Worst thing about your kid  going to a local school is bumping into a fellow parent at the local Tesco metro at 7am when you're coming in from a night out and they're off to their job 

I went drinking with my brother recently and he refused to folllow me into the local chicken shop in case he was seen by someone from the PTA. He’s a bit of a fanny tho tbf. 

School next door is “fine” I think. There a fair bit of smoking at the school gates and I spotted a school book owned by an Osama but I got a good vibe generally. 

heh. 

Send her to the local armed with a pack of Marlboro lights on the first day. She will be a legend amongst her peers and at least you’ve got bullying crossed off the list of things to worry about. 

Determined, energetic bright people do OK whatever.  Almost all lawyers fall into this category.  Not all of their children do.   In fact, probably less than half as those qualities are each quite rare and having all three therefore really rare.  

When state school teachers say “ the bright ones do OK whatever” what they mean is that they grow up to be responsible adults with a job. That is a much lower standard than many parents would accept for their children.   

If you want more for your children you have to do more for them.  Private schools can be a part of that, but reading to them, making them feel loved and safe and cheery, taking them places and generally helping them out count for much more.  Sports clubs can be very important, at least for boys.  

As others say, at an early age I wouldn’t worry too much about academic stuff.  Having friends and being healthy are more important.  But with a mediocre state primary you do need to accept that you will be paying for tutoring from age 9 onwards.  This can range from fancy Oxbridge-educated private tutors at £45 an hour to Kumon maths classes at £6 a week.  Kumon is ace.  

Surely the aspirational future career for any parent that desires a later life of luxury should be that of a professional footballer.  Sod academic stuff, make them eat sleep and breath football.

Appreciate it's less the parking and more the drive but parking won't be a problem at all.  Just do what everyone else does on the school run and park like a total aunt wherever the fook you like for as long as you like.

Heh.  I thought you weren't supposed to live within a mile of a school Buzz

it is simple really, just ask yourself "do i want my child to be stabbed on a daily basis", if the answer is "no", send them to private school, if the answer is "yes, they'll feel fine when i take them to chicken cottage for dinner", send them to state school

what do you mean by feeder to local grammar?  it’ll still have to get the necessary marks in the 11 plus.

Heh at "sweetcheeks" - and what Tamora said.

11+ lol, is that still a thing? M8s, it's 2019.

So, jnr G has been offered a place at nursery that will effectively get her into reception of a very good local primary that is a feeder to a very very good not that local grammar (ie the primary is listed in the admissions policy). 

Are you sure?  It's very unusual for a nursery place to give priority for reception and you say "effectively".  Particularly if this is a very good school that's 30 minutes drive away - will you definitely get in (church goers or something?)?

Jnr G is (yes yes I know) we think quite bright, she’s a very early talker etc so we worry she’ll get left to do her own thing in the one next door. Also that doesn’t then feed on anywhere other than the shyte local secondaries so we’d likely end up sending her private. 

"Pretty good primary" "virtually next door" = two real plus points.  Have you actually seen it?  Presumably you've visited both, looked at Ofsted for both, checked out compare-school-performance.gov.uk data for both?  Look at achievement and progress and you can also break it down by ability group if you are that way inclined. 

Have you checked out the admissions criteria and how they were applied in previous years for the grammar?  Even if the good local primary is listed as a feeder school in their admissions criteria, it doesn't mean every child who goes to a feeder school and lives in the catchment or whatever will automatically get in (voice of experience here), plus presumably there must be a test mark somewhere in the workings.  Is it a super-selective grammar? 

Also - depending on how shyte your local secondaries are, they may no longer by shyte in seven years' time.  Or admissions criteria may have changed, or effectively the distances from which children will actually get in.  Or you may have moved.  Or your child may not be as bright as you think (what percentage get into the grammar?).  Where do the children go if they don't get into the grammar?

Heh - it’s not so much the parking per se but c 30 min commute through traffic either side of the day at primary level. This maybe isn’t a big deal in London. 

Ah-ha.  Aha-ha-ha.  Aha-hahahaahahahahaaa.  *wipes tears of mirth from eyes*  In London there are so many schools that 30 minutes drive away is a long way away unless it's actually only ten minutes walk and for some reason you're going to drive it instead.  See point about will you actually get in to reception, will you actually get into grammar above. 

BTW - if you think you'll be trying for a grammar you WILL be tutoring whether you go to St Perfect's Primary or McStabbies next door (which doesn't sound like it is).  In fact, the culture at the naice middle-class primary where everyone wants their child to get into Posh Kids Grammar will probably be more tutoring-heavy than anywhere else.  Worth bearing this in mind when you look at their data: how much of it is the school's work and how much of it is the tutor's?

Ps - just to add, the only school I knew which gave nursery children priority entry to reception has clearly had to stop doing it now I've looked at their more recent criteria.  Looks as though it's in breach of the Admissions Code.  So either she gets in in her own right from where you live now, you move, or you discount that reception entry as a factor.

move house

Or just buy her a football, get a scout from a local club down the boozer and become gr8 pals.  Have your missus insinuate to the scout’s missus that there is a question over parentage as she had a fling with that nice frank lampard around the same time.

it is simple really, just ask yourself "do i want my child to be stabbed on a daily basis", if the answer is "no", send them to private school

But what if my little one goes to public school? Lots of stabbing going on there, as I understand.

"socially mixed intake" = some of the kids there are not called Tarquin or Jemima and frequently have chips for tea.  

Bit racist mate.  Can’t use words like that these days.

My kid is going to the school in spain where Beckham sent his kid. Dunno if its any good but its expensive and that'll keep the plebs out

This reminds me of the most Wandsworth moment I've had in ages.  Was in a pub the other weekend at the bar and the man next to me in chino shorts and loafers looked down at his little daughter and asked "Jemima what type of ice cream do you want?".

Chill out...

Whatever route you take don’t obsess over these things. Provided they get a decent schooling, why does it have to be the ‘best’. You want having happy kids who are not under enormous pressure for their entire schooling.

Benignly encouraging their education, rather than obsessive helicoptering.