The practice traffic jam in Kent

We've gone mad innit.  It's not so much that this is happening, it's that it's exciting so little comment.  We're not just not in Kansas anymore.  We're worlds away from Oz.

https://twitter.com/tompeck/status/1082146978308476928  WS

I love the fact we're using 100 lorries to test out whether 5,000 lorries (or more) will work

"What these trucks represent are whole decades of patiently honed genius, the sheer wonder of Europe wide just-in-time manufacturing supply chains, unquestionably one of mankind's greatest logistical achievements, being smashed to pieces for absolutely nothing."

"And if you're wondering how the great British public, and their "blitz spirit" will cope with all this, a woman in a Fiat 500 has just slowed down on her way past the lay by where I and other members of the media have gathered, to honk loudly and mouth at us to "fucking fuck off""

The 100 lorries are supposed to represent 10,000 lorries per hour.

The great British public were dialling 999 when KFC ran out of chicken (which happened due to a small logistical problem with a new supplier).  The Dunkirk spirit is alive and well.

It's a shame that those who are invoking it as a symbol of our strength seem to have forgotten that it was a retreat after a humiliating defeat.  Whatever happened to those sunny uplands?

I know there's a lot of competition but Chris Grayling has got to be the most inept cabinet minister at least in my lifetime. 

Regardless of Brexit anything, the man is just a completely incompetent idiot that destroys everything he touches. 

And yet Jeremy Corbyn is third in a two horse race when the public are asked who they think would be the best Prime Minister.

(For completion May is second and Don't Know is in the lead)

What a time to be alive!

heh at fave pm being "don't know"

"Mr. Don't-Know and his new movement 'not quite sure about this' are riding high in the polls. More details and an exclusive interview at 11. or maybe 12. not quite sure"

 

The fake traffic jam (89 lorries because 61 didn't turn up) drove half-an-hour to Dover, went around a roundabout and then came back again.

That'll show Johnny Foreigner.

That extra £380m a week for the NHS will come in quite handy when people start hospitalising each other in lorry-induced road rage incidents or or fighting for the last can of beans at Tesco.

As if the dutch haven't done the same thing except with bicycles.

This "test" is pathetic.  You would need literally 100 times as many lorries to test what will happen.  Who thought up this third-rate little stunt ?  

And all MPs can go and do is squabble about things they don't understand and haven't bothered to learn about.  

If you thought the KFC shortage or the drone fiasco were our low point you were wrong.

We are a country that can't even organise a fake traffic jam.

It's all gone completely batsh1t crazy now. 

This has to go down as Twitter burn of the day though from Tom Peck

'Needless to say, this is all the "brainchild", ie orphan, of Chris Grayling'

That is excellent work.

It has helpfully confirmed that even nigh on impossible 80 second customs checks would cause eight days of delay at Dover.

Which essentially confirms, without a doubt, that a no deal Brexit will kill people. Directly.

What pancakes said , he is as bad as it gets.

Please don’t tempt fate. I’ve lost count of how many times we have said this only to be proven wrong.

The whole point of the exercise was to see the effect on rush hour traffic so 89 trucks is quite enough to see if you're going to bring the place to a standstill as each escorted convoy goes through.  Given my experience of that area late at night many of the 10,000 trucks a day travel well outside rush hour.

'Needless to say, this is all the "brainchild", ie orphan, of Chris Grayling'

HEH!

I am not sure if the exercise is designed to show whether we can or cant cope with a no deal brexit-  but what it does show is the country is run by complete and utter morons that have moved so far beyond satire it is untrue.  You can imagine a Thick of It script session where they discussed such a scenario and dismissing it as simply being too ridiculous.

Sails, as ever, misses the point.  The bottleneck in the system is customs checks, not journey time. 

And they couldn't marshal 25 trucks to leave on time which, given an additional 50 seconds per truck will create additional problems, is probably going to bring the whole thing to a standstill.

Bloop that is indeed the bottleneck that will require trucks to be stored at Manston.  The whole point of yesterday's exercise though was simply to test the effect on local traffic of convoys leaving Manston to head to Dover at a time when the queue for customs is sufficiently short to stop the queue spilling out of the port.  No point storing trucks at Manston if you can't get them to Dover without causing the traffic jam on the approach to Dover that you're hoping to avoid.

No.  The whole point of yesterday's exercise was public relations.  It didn't test or demonstrate anything since the number of trucks involved wouldn't have filled a single ferry.

If you say so but having grown up in a rural part of the world I can tell you that usually a convoy of 4 lorries is enough to bring the local area to a halt.

It was being widely reported that the point of yesterday's exercise was to show the EU how ready we are, not to test anything.

I don't know whether it's naivete, stupidity, bloodymindedness or simply lack of imagination but whatever the reason, your insistence on the best intentions of your seniors despite all the evidence to the contrary is bizarre.

Yes there was a signalling function for the EU but nobody in this day and age pays any attention to that kind of nonsense and it's only the pseudo amateur shrinks in the Civil Service who think that kind of thing if of any value.  If anything it was aimed at our own population people on the continent given that the EU is in fact entirely aware of our state of readiness given that that is part of the ongoing negotiations.

However, there was also a very valid element of the test in seeing the impact on the local road network of large convoys of lorries trying to negotiate various junctions that element was successful.

summersails would have been jumping up and down behind the major to go over the top into the guns.   He may be the last person left in the UK who has any faith in this farce of government.

The worst kind of grinning, golf-club fascist, the Dunning-Kruger effect made flesh, he is the male equivalent of Dolores Umbridge.

Guy majors generally didn't go over the top but I'd have been a lieutenant with the sense to ignore the idiots above me and crawl rather than walking slowly.  I'd also have bought a rifle to get round the only being issued a pistol.  

And you'd have been shot for cowardice.  Probably the only good thing the system you love so much would ever have done.

Anyway you'll see from the above that I don't have much faith in the bigger picture but do think that local council people are capable of looking at the impact of traffic on local roads.

Bloop hard to shoot someone for cowardice if he's stayed alive long enough to capture to his objective rather than dying in the first 50 yards after leaving his trench.

Bloop I think you'd actually like the golf club mob as they specialise in judging people quickly on the basis of limited interaction.  I wouldn't dream of passing any judgement on you or your character or background on the basis that I really know nothing about you and appreciate that this place isn't always an accurate reflection of what people think or do.

I have been awarded an Action Man figure by my crewmates before for being such a god damned generally awesome hero.

I have been awarded an Action Man figure by my crewmates

Well there you go.  Aren't I a silly billy.

SummerSails' underpants are plastic.  And melded on.  You heard it here first.