Phoebe Dates - June Edition

Welcome back fans of semi awkward first dates that do not progress. Tonight's lucky chap was found on Bumble, I have drawn up a pro and cons list for you to add to your spreadsheet:



- 41 (Feebs likes 'em old)

- proper job

- PHD (Feebs likes a nerd)

- strong nose 

- good chat

- lives by himself

- no kids



- SOOOOOO dithery about picking a pub to meet in

- Greek (my experience of Greek men has not been positive)

- He says he is 5ft 7 ( I reckon he will be shorter than me)

Short AND can’t pick a pub?

Fleeeeeeeeeeee I tells you.

I was just about to add ‘and of course the Greeks invented it you know’ but clubbers beat me to it.

Do you like honey on yoghurt cos I swear I ate that every day I was there 

If he arrives with a gift, definitely gtf outa there....

I guess he'll like feta more than fetish.

A lovely lady on Bumble last night sent me some abuse before then unmatching me over nothing in particular.  I laughed at her calling me ugly given that she was the one who decided to send me a message in the first place.

She was negging you!


Anyway what happened to your old friend that you wanted to bang?

Sent her a hi on Facebook and no response so she clearly hadn't realised who I was on Bumble.

Does he have a second home on some paradise island a la Mama Mia?

ooops double posted that.


Fred, he is from Athens. I am totally fine with that for a holiday location

I think we need to know what the PHD is in, if it is law or science then grab your "modest ladys' guide to pegging" and bang on

if it is in homeopathy, metaphysics or buddist studies then take a taser

I'm with Tecco on this. 41 isn't old.

He'll turn up and probably be revealed to be married, kids and 5'5".

I'm 43 and definitely old as I found more grey hairs this morning.  Anyone know if you can use Grecian 2000 on a chest rug?

maybe just  get a spray tan and kill 2 birds with one stone?

45 and no grey pubes!  Can't say the same for their hairs on my head though.

can't help thinking that the no grey pubes is as a result of access to a labrador and peanut butter rather than some genetic supremecy 

Sumo - engineering, will question the thesis with my opening question

10%? what are you running some sort of Downtown Abbey meets Doctor Moreau?

Hah buzz is older than me.  This has made my day (it’s been a slow day, I went shopping at 7am and it took almost as long to put away the mountains of bagfuls of crap I bought as it did to buy it).

"we all know what greeks want."


Yes - the Elgin Marbles back.

how can you give something from Elgin "back" to the greeks? you mean they want to nick them from their rightful owners 

Abort the pub and walk him round National Portrait Gallery / Tate Modern.   You get to check his knees are still up to the stairs and make rash character judgement based on his reaction to art / 'art'.  Open until 9pm/10pm.

TBF this is at least the second time you've expressed elation at the discovery that I'm older than you Teccerz.

he likes the younger ladyeez but her loves the older laddies! 

I don't think anyone needs me to Live RoF a night with MJJ.  Some things are better left to the darkest recesses of the imagination.

​​​​​​Greek, fine. But! Very attached to their mothers...

No meh, I don't think ROF will be interested in a date that goes


*27 minutes of awkward pint sipping with stilted conversation*


sorry I should have said Feebs likes them older,


41 isn't old but it is about 10 years older than me,

Jesus, even Kevin Bloody Wilson didn't ask for that, Feebs.

Just go on a date with me.

It will be amusing for all those involved. 

(Except possibly you).

only if you ask me out properly!


(you do not get bumming on the first date)

Erm, Feebs, silly thing but it just popped into my head, erm, would you mind terribly......, I mean if it isn’t too absurd.....actually just forget it all, stupid idea, don’t know what I was thinking. 


Like that you mean?

exactly like that,


then I can comment on how I hadn't noticed it was raining

Date is over


- I arrived and he had got a bottle of prosecco for us. We were in a fucking draft ale pub!

- he lectures me at length about his recent holidays, including how much he spent on everything 

- I know how important and senior his family is (in greece) as he just straight up told me

You will always be under his mother's thumb. She will resent you not being a nice Greek girl.

He will have many affairs

He will expect you to convert to Greek Orthodox 

Never marry outside your village 

I met up with little brothers Caulfield post date, due to his profile.

A  umber of pints latervhe has put me into a non uber pool


Phoebs if u ever find yourself in the Toon I will happily buy you a few pints of real ale 

I wood you.

I'm sorry I'm not Merkz and a bumming, but it's all I've got.