I keep sleeping soundly when I sleep but it's just never enough to counteract the handful of nights where my worries stop me sleeping.  As a result just getting progressively more knackered but only need to get through another few months now.

Top tip: more concise posts on RoF will give you more time for snoozing.

*hugs * m8

my oldest is doing GCSEs and not stressing enough!

allthiswillpass

He was totally smoking a bifta at the least.  

I would reassure him that smashing your a-levelz is a double edged sword - piles on the expectations and stops you from being something fun like a carpenter or landscape gardener (the latter was the choice a computer suggezted for me in the 4th year - i scoffed at the time, but that computer is laughing its weird holey greenlined printer paper off right now)

Ask your son very nicely, tell him it will all be cool if he's a carpenter and just enjoy that third eye. You probably need to see through it more than he does, tbh. Spread the love.

cool gif

We have GCSEs and A levels this summer. fooking funfest that is.

Obv he was getting involved with something.  He was off his tits with aggro when he got back and it was 10.45. Who goes for a long walk in the woods and fields at that time.

"Son (who is in A level study leave mid exams) was out "walking" and had not eaten any food.  It was dark so that's a bit weird, mind you he had been working hard all day so probably needed the fresh air.

When he got back he was really strung up - in a real exam stress sweat. Lots of projecting his fears and anger, catastrophising and working through his worries."

he was absolutely off his tits I expect 

Wang

I got landscape gardening,  forestry and farming on the list.  You're right about the dangers of good A levels.  

heh, Linda, got to that conclusion already

Coca leaf moments?????

Guessing you don't mean diet with cherry

I mean as per Papilllon. 

In experience with not step son of similar age (and my own son of not quite that old) engaging when they are in full anxiety spiral is the error. You just have to say very kindly and firmly that you understand, you get it, but they are getting everything totally out of proportion, and you both need to go to bed now. 

when they are running through the jungle, Clergs, just at the beginning of the clip, they find a coca bush growing and they roll up a chunk of leaves and shove it in their mouths. 

And this is your actual plan tho? With those litigationy roll out drawers instead of jungle?

This too shall pass, Mutts. Best of luck to him and you. Try to find out which field he got the shrooms from though.

Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.

   Shantih   shantih   shantih

I suspect a son of hugh fearnley muttmutt would be sufficiently well versed in fieldcraft to know not to go picking shrooms in the dark.  plus dont they need to be dried in the airing cupboarx first or brewed like tea?

i've heard...

I used to go walking at all times of day and night but as I teenager I'd never seen drugs, let alone taken them.

On the subject to careers assessments I got tree surgeon despite hating heights.

he is not so good on fieldcraft stuff.

Also it is not really shroom season. Just saying.

moving on

I think this was just a stage of anxiety.  There is a pattern with teenagers. Buggering about and not doing any work, then putting their back into it and investing the necessary.  When they have done the latter, anxiety about not getting fair outcome - the whatifs - kick in.  He was hypothesising about luck - good and bad.   Last night he had been too much alone with his thoughts and needed someone to say yes, luck plays a part, but the more work you do the more marginal the bad and good luck events are to the overall outcome, and you've done loads of work, chap, so stay calm and keep it together.

Clergs no it is not my plan really, but I do feel like I need some fizz to give me whizz.

I also identify with the end of that scene - one of the best scenes in the film- with the feckin blowpipe darts. They are coming from all angles.

You should use that Fergie quote (the utd boss not the minger from Dimmer): amazing how often the teams that train hardest and press for longest always get "lucky" in extra time (or words to that effect).

* dummer

I think the better quote is Gary Player - the harder I practice the luckier I get (which we did discuss)

I got Shipbroker. 

About 40% of the class got Shipbroker.

How many *&$#ing Shipbroker are there???

I think you misread that dux...

:-|

I got undertaker or a florist (presumably for funerals).  I was a bit of an angsty goth.

Genuine question: why do you do it? That job. Why?

air traffic controller for me.  Wish I'd done it tbh.

I think I got social worker.  Heh.  And heh again.

Tricky, is that question to me? Are you asking (on the basis of knowing what I do for a living) why I do that?

Just getting my eye in.  If the answer is yes to the above I will give it a go.

"I would reassure him that smashing your a-levelz is a double edged sword - piles on the expectations and stops you from being something fun like a carpenter or landscape gardener (the latter was the choice a computer suggezted for me in the 4th year - i scoffed at the time, but that computer is laughing its weird holey greenlined printer paper off right now)"

I got forester, which I also mocked but in retrospect would have been great.  I suspect that there was some strange magic at work from that weird computer print out that nobody saw at the time.

Everyone I know who has lots of money is a self made owner of a trade related business. My son is going to become a gas engineer or a plumber if I have anything to do with it. 

so many of us could have been foresters.

My wife still talks about this and says I should have done that.

But then you'd never have met her and...

oh yeah, the toast rack

I took early retirement at the end of last year.

I'm still getting used to it and, although money isn't an issue, I'm feeling uncomfortable and slightly guilty.

I'll email you and Clubbers.

Yes, mutters. The question was to you. Why do you do it? Do you enjoy it, do you need this amount of income or could you do with less, is this what you would like to spend you life on?

I was thinking a variation of this in the small hours of the morning today. although of course that didn't help with the energy levels.

Oooh, you're such martyrs.

It is a good and fair question 

the honest answer is that

- one half of me (I am not sure of the precise proportion so let’s say one part of me) loves it, loves the business and the law, the difficult brain challenge, the client angst and reliance on the analysis and creativity of resolution, building the business, the complexity and enriching nature of multi jurisdictional stuff, the balance between force and diplomacy in handling disputes, the difficulties of engagement with law enforcement, multiple agencies, regulators, security and and intelligence services (all of which want their sunny upland / showboat moment), the leadership and communication challenges, the development of others, the general solving of a complex problem.and of course the financial rewards if you can get them (which for most of my career I have not). 

while

- the other part loves the family, garden, workshop, pets, the slow life of books, a cup of tea, hedging and firewood cutting, a cricket match, the change of the seasons, cooking and laughing and and can’t wait for the other bit to grow out of being a grown up. 

Answer: it’s complicated. Sometimes I crave it; sometimes I’m fighting it. 

It's like pegging then?

Have you thought about your family maybe wanting to see more of you? My guess is that your financial situation and status at your firm would allow you to look for a more balanced life. Take a smaller share and do not take on so much work. Or go to 4 days a week or work towards frequent long holidays.

My boss works towards a 6 week summer leave every year by saving his 'part time' days. In the quiet months he'll plan a fantastic trip. So far he has been able to bait his almost grown up children to come for at least 2 or 3 weeks every year. Fantastic family time. They go to Australia or canyoning in the US. Surfing in Hawaii, island hopping on a boat in the Mediterranean etc.

Everyone has to work longer. Better do it in good health. Pace yourself. Everyone benefits.

I love it when Tricky goes all Mama Woo...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n3CShvEWWs

She has a point tbf 

Indeed so, Hoolz - wasn't for a moment seeking to disparage her message.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B32yjbCSVpU

*awaits Chambo telling us the Harry Chapin original is better*

That is very timely and rather lovely and caring advice / observation. Thank you. Yes this is on my mind. 

These are difficult and complex issues around growing up and ageing, working out what interests you in life.  I stopped being a partner in a big law firm nearly 10 years ago (and was young at the time).  I think I would struggle keeping up now, even if they would have me back.  I do lots of different stuff, most of my time spent in the workshop or the woods, making, planting, welding, cutting, milling things, walking, cooking, seeing increasingly contemptuous and disrespectful children, etc., etc.  I am about to build my second serious bridge (everyone should build at least one bridge).   I also do a couple of NEDs and some occasional consulting.  Periodically I get a crisis of confidence around identity or money (reality is we are fine by any normal standard) and determine I need to be more economically or business active.  I still quite enjoy going into meetings and have people listen to me, a hangover from the god complex you get from some of these jobs. But...whenever I get close to doing something serious I pause and remember what made me stop the law gig in the first place - the daily grind, the politics, whatever - and more importantly how much I enjoy pootling around the land and workshop, and then I pull back.  I think there is a lot of truth in the old saying about few at the Pearly Gates wishing they’d spent more time in the office.  I’m off to London today to discuss a new venture which might include some equity and some hours at a coal face. Will I revert to type or will the bridge once again win?

A few people got to the Pearly Gates direct from the River Kwai who wished they'd built fewer bridges.

Also while I applaud your inner zen and wisdom, I find that the people who have found true fulfilment and joy aren't those who became a law firm partner then saw the error of their ways, but rather those who never wasted their youth and formative adult years doing what was necessary to become one in the first place.

Guilty heh 

muttley i think you are one of those men who grew up in awe of their father and feel the need to try and measure up professionally. I'm not convinced you can really change that. 

You might be right about not wasting your youth in the first place, but given that this website is largely populated by people doing just that, the discussion needs to be about how you seek the right balance once you’ve worked out that is what you are doing.  I actually enjoyed the first part of my career, interesting and varied work, lots of travel, living abroad, reasonable money, and the latter certainly facilitated the choices we later made.

I applaud you without reservation Unimog. It takes courage to jump off the hamster wheel. May your bridges always be of sound construction and your workshop a hive of activity.

Describe bridge.  I am hoping I will one day be rambling through the countrysixe anx come across a 1:15 scale pont d'avignon spanning a small brook

pont d'avignon? Are you heckling this guy's bridge skillz?

Build a copy of the Mathematical Bridge in Cambridge. Tricky, but do-able.

Wot goose said. Pont d'avignon ain't 'spanning' anything.

My first proper bridge (ie something other than a simple clapper) was a 6m span in sweet chestnut and oak, anchored at both ends with 8 foot chestnut piles and tenon and peg joints, stock proofed at both ends.  About 4 feet above the stream. Very solid.  The new one will be similar, a little bit shorter but with the added technical difficulty of anchoring into the newly dug edge of a pond and then seamlessly marrying up with the deck of the new pond house (former tree house).  I had considered making it a drawbridge just for the fun of it.

sounds impressive and a great project. I'd love to be able to work with wood (on a smaller scale tho). Furniture and stuff like that. Or doll houses. I recently bought to 50s/60s doll house sized haberdashery shops in need of some repairs. I'm hoping to get into it then.

Deffo do the drawbridge.  I would also suggest you file the bottom of a trellis into points and make a portcullis for the pond house.  you can probably do without the holes for pouring burning oil or quicklyme on your attackers and maybe go for a portaloo rather than a drophole over the moat.  (I think you should start calling it a moat rather than a pond.)

Ha.  We floated the house out on elm piles off the island so that the former tree house trapdoors could open over water for whatever foul purpose one might have in mind.  I think you are right about calling it a moat.

Thanks for all the advice and observations above and the summary psychoanalysis. I am sure there is truth in all of it.  In fact the main driver for doing what I do is the enjoyment. No doubt in the past there was a  "prove yourself" driver but I had a moment of reflection 4 years ago that very much changed my views on why to do things and why not to.

I had a message from a RoFer overnight saying what about going in-house, it will change your life. I spent ten years in house and relatively recently moved from that to partnership again as there was, literally, unfinished business.

the OP wasn't intended quite as existentially as it was then taken. It was more of a "fook I'm tired" the main reason being an 18 year old son who had taken up some of my sleeping time, as opposed to a "fook I wish I wasn't doing this".  My energy levels are low this week because of lack of sleep, was all.

Ha ha - fair dos.  My 2 year old spent the whole of last night vomiting so now I'm probably worse off than you were.  Sorry for the shit advice about trying in house!  I did (wrongly) take your op to be a more general complaint about the nature of the job...

No it wasn't shit advice at all and I really appreciated the thought.  Thank you. I would have replied directly but I cannot work out how to do it when you get a message from RoF in your email inbox.  

Yeah I don't really get how the DMs work either - first time I've done it.  No problem.  Hope today's rolling a bit more smoothly anyway.