Mixed feelings about relatives

Do you have relatives that you're not really sure about?

My aunt has been in a home with dementia for the last few years and finally died last night.  It's sad that she died but on the other hand it's a relief as she no longer had any quality of life.  The bit I struggle with is the fact that we were never close and to be honest she did some awful things to both my mum, her sister, and also my cousin, her daughter.  She was also pretty crap as an aunt and famously sent me a cheque for my birthday when I was ten which bounced.  I'm sad she's gone but won't really miss her.

not really.  mostly as 


(a) whilst club-grandmother was famously awful to everybody she was lovely to me

(b) lots of relatives I could have found awful had already been ostracised (see (a) above).



(I met lots of "new" relatives at her funeral.  I think they were mostly coming to check she was really dead)


On the flip side saw my third cousins for the first time in years last night and have a really enjoyable dinner with them.

I think many families have difficult relationships - you do not choose your family, after all, and it is harder to drop family members when you don't get on whereas friends whom you fall out with can be sidelined...

True and it helps if the relative you don't get on with lives in another country so you rarely see them.

My (technically step) aunt is awful. It's like a personal relationship equivalent to having a snake boss that you have to be nice to despite them trying to find ways to get you blamed for everything to save their own skin. 

How often do you spend time with your step aunt tho??

im sure there are some human beings who are my third cousins but I've never met them 

It says something though that I've seen my third cousins more in my lifetime than I've seen my own aunt even taking into account her living overseas.

One side of my family is really good at keeping in touch hence I was also at a second cousin's wedding last month.

Actually I have a step aunt to who turns up to all family gatherings and I like her.  Just a bit weird that my uncle has died so she turns up with her new husband who is not related to me in any way whatsoever.

Less now. Used to have to endure her for whole summers as my uncle got me summer jobs in his factory. She basically cut my immediate family off for years and started bad mouthing us when she presumed my wedding date was calculated to steal my cousin's (her stepdaughter's) thunder (ended up being the week after and unadvertised at the time we set the date for hours). I must have called by uncle about 10 times trying to clear the air and being told, by a very straightforward man, that everything was fine, only to find out she was still on the war path. 

The most recent incident was her storming out of my cousin's actual wedding reception because her step daughter in law and her children were not invited. My cousin had her reasons (hardly ever see the step daughter and even my aunt and uncle have never been to visit my cousin in years despite being almost second parents when they were younger, the step son is in jail for attempted murder and has done lots to cheese of and embarrass everyone) and rather than raise these before she took them up with my uncle at 8pm. 

TBH if my uncle is dead before her, I would expect very thin attendance at the funeral. 

my entire family are awful, I have as little to do with them as possible

Weddings bring out the worst in people 

*mutters darkly*

I was going to an aunt’s funeral recently and we stopped off at a pub about 10 miles out for lunch.

Some people walked in also wearing funeral clothes and although I had never seen them before (at least so far as I can remember) I could just tell I was related to them from they way they looked. My mother knew who they were.

I am not from that big a family anyway, and mos of the rellies were my parent's( both of whom were only children) aunts and cousins and most of them are now dead or unknown to me,

I actually feel we do society a disservice by not challenging relatives on stuff like this, because they then go into the world thinking they are the bees' knees. I get the feeling Yank families have less of this as they just scream at each other and get it all out there. 

"I could just tell I was related to them by the way they looked"

5 Nazis go to Devon?

SirPitt if you mean my aunt I suspect not given that she lived in an EU country for the last 30 or so years of her life.  However, she was mad so not beyond the bounds of possibility.