Crimp watch UK. An example of slow TV. A team of ex coppers and Jermy Vine try to solve difficult digestive problems. Update at 10.30. Don't have nightmares.
Attractive young people gather on Canvey Island and compete to win the chance to sleep with the Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities.
Transgender folk share their personal journeys whilst travelling to their favourite destinations. An insight into our changing mores and the delapitated state of the UK’s rail network Not for children
Nappy Valley - Sarah Lancashire keeps banging on about the fact that the same 3 bed end of terrace in South London is worth 20 times less in Skelmersdale
Jeremy Clarkson and Chris Tarrant compete in a furious race to win the jackpot of one million pounds. You can phone a friend or ask the audience to help you out.
An Idiot Aboard, a show where Karl Pilkington pilots a variety of waterborne craft. This week Karl sets off in a storm at midnight from the beach at Calais in charge of a dodgy inflatable carrying 40 'Albanian tourists'.
Show follows desperate people as they buy properties that are too big and too expensive using debt they cannot afford and which they then struggle to repay when interest rates go up.
Snog Marty - avoid.
Following a drunken celebration after getting the time capacitor to work, Doc remembers he may have got over-amorous after the third bottle of wine.
Xe-Man
Prince Adam has an alter-ego and it will drive skeletor wild.
1. First Daves
The Davids who have succeeded and inspired throughout history. Starting with a David Suchet special.
2. Countrypile
Insufferable khunts w**k on about their massive rural houses.
Criminal Hinds - a group of FBI profilers sit around waiting for deer to become serial killers.
Snatch of the Day
A rather dull programme about weightlifters.
Many disappointed Dads write in to complain that the title is misleading.
Crimp watch UK. An example of slow TV. A team of ex coppers and Jermy Vine try to solve difficult digestive problems. Update at 10.30. Don't have nightmares.
Antique Toadshow - Chris Packham introduces us to particularly long lived roads.
Toads.
Come Mine with me
Random groups of people get sent down a hole in the ground with shovels and pick axes while some khunt commentates sarcastically as they dig.
Heh, veh good guy
Antijues roadshow - inflammatory series discusses the rise of Islam in Palestine.
Is It Sake?
Insufferable American bloggers and minor celebs speculate on the contents of five bottles of colourless liquid.
The Chafe
Bradley Walsh hosts a game show where 4 contestants compete to see who can walk the furthest distance in wet underpants before needing moisturiser.
Badwatch
Buxom wenches trawl Brick Lane Market appraising fake Rolexes.
Pewsnight. Kirsty Wark discusses religious politics at Evensong.
Gove Island
Attractive young people gather on Canvey Island and compete to win the chance to sleep with the Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities.
Michael McIntyre's Rig Show. Bland otherwise family friendly comedian gets his cock out on telly.
shudder
Rappy Valley - Sarah Lancashire is a gritty northern copper who can only speak in the rap style.
Shite Potus - all the worst US Presidents
Great Trans Journeys
Transgender folk share their personal journeys whilst travelling to their favourite destinations. An insight into our changing mores and the delapitated state of the UK’s rail network Not for children
cringe
Snatch of the day heh
Wogglebox - members of the public watch CCTV cameras in scout huts to keep an eye on the potentially peedy scoutmasters.
Nappy Valley - Sarah Lancashire keeps banging on about the fact that the same 3 bed end of terrace in South London is worth 20 times less in Skelmersdale
Smegheads
Teams get quizzed about their personal hygiene
In the Fight Garden
five toddlers, one sit on digger
who will win?
Top of the Poos
Who will produce the most perfect poo?
Join Carol Vordeman, Freddy Flintoff and Eamonn Holmes in another much loved episode of fecal family fun
Glad I got Royalty to cringe.
Boast
Neil Oliver walks round Britain whilst showing off
Who wan*s to be a millionaire.
Jeremy Clarkson and Chris Tarrant compete in a furious race to win the jackpot of one million pounds. You can phone a friend or ask the audience to help you out.
Orange Hill, a docu-soap surrounding the lives of prema-tanned minor celebrities and Wags in Alderley Edge and surrounds.
Oh, wait
Wasterchef - Dropouts and slackers try to assemble menus of readymade snacks from the petrol station before passing out.
An Idiot Aboard, a show where Karl Pilkington pilots a variety of waterborne craft. This week Karl sets off in a storm at midnight from the beach at Calais in charge of a dodgy inflatable carrying 40 'Albanian tourists'.
This sounds like a game that Douglas and Martin might play in Cabin pressure.
Snogs of Praise
Randy parishioners worship their Lord by trying to pull other members of the congregation.
Strictly come lancing - pro/celeb jousting on horseback
The Ore show - BBC presenters try to make it interesting when viewers bring in their collections of unusual rock
Dine of duty - fly on the wall footage of people having a meal with their in laws who hate them
Mop gear - contestants race to convert a mop bucket into a one-man vehicle culminating in a race around a school corridor.
Football Ficus - I've no idea what this one is about but I'm in love with the title!
I think you're first one would work better if it actually involved some kind of celebrity pimple popping.
I'm a celibate tory. Get me out of here.
Members of parliament try to order tractors online without accidentally straying onto adult sites.
Changing Booms
Yacht maintenance
Glue Planet
Attenborough talks us through the fascinating world of adhesives
Heed surely that would involve him narrating wild horses being rounded up into a glue factory?
Fiends. Six outwardly attractive New Yorkers who are monsters beneath the smiley facades.
Only Fools and Houses
Show follows desperate people as they buy properties that are too big and too expensive using debt they cannot afford and which they then struggle to repay when interest rates go up.
Hold on, I think this might have been done.
Wine of Duty
Compulsory drinking with disappointing ending.
Strictly comp dancing - A ballroom dancing contest for boys and girls from ordinary backgrounds.
The Only Way is Wessex
Edward and Sophie have to stand in after the sudden departure of the previous Main Tabloid Interest. But will he become Duke of Edinburgh?
Geordie Whore
Youse call me a wot?!
Mimewatch - an hour long episode of Tony Robinson miming an archaeological dig.
It ain't half hot bum
Post curry toileting travails
Bog Break
Jim Davison and John Virgo host a quiz where toilet-bound workers on their lunch hour compete to win prizes.
The Fist Show
Suits you sir.....
Join the discussion