Men's behaviour wisdom

Well, maybe not all men.

Dated a man for 5 months. All of a sudden he went on a date with a new woman and I have been completely replaced from that instance. We are now less than 2 weeks since their first date and they have spent nearly half of that time together (she’s come from a different city and stayed at his house – she’s been there since last Sat and I guess will remain the weekend). She’s even been meeting his friends, etc.

I’m heartbroken and he’s wanting to be friends despite taking no responsibility for his actions. I requested he cut her out of his life if he wants to build a friendship with me – he refused. We have been unable to speak face to face as she’s always there, and prioritised.

Please help me understand....

How can he replace me with her so quickly and easily.

Why are they so full on and spending so much time together so soon after they first met.

Why wouldn’t he cut her out his life to keep me as a friend if I mean so much to him. He doesn't know her but he knows me.

Why he is prioritising her over me and why isn’t he making the effort to speak to me in person.

I don't think I will be staying friends.

Whats going on with this bit though..........it bothers me...........

How can he replace me with her so quickly and easily.

Why are they so full on and spending so much time together so soon after they first met.

How can he replace me with her so quickly and easily.

Why are they so full on and spending so much time together so soon after they first met.
 

My guess is that he fancies her more than he fancies you. Sorry.

He’s not going to cut her out of his life
 

Yeah, clearly not. I’m guessing that just comes from feeling hurt and rejected rather than an actual expectation.

Chimp.... yes definitely from feeling hurt. I requested it days after their first date. I said that if he wanted to have friendship he would need to rebuild the trust/respect. Having her there would be a constant reminder of what's gone on and what caused me so much hurt. I would just resent him. Plus she continued to pursue him despite learning of me, which I disapprove of (yes I know he's to blame). 

He's an arsehat and didn't see you as a human. Move on. Don't try to understand it other than he's a cock. Hard swerve and take joy in the fact you didn't end up married to a total w**kstain like that. 

How can you be friends with someone who is so blasé about your feelings, and why would you want to be friends with such a horrible person?

He sounds sociopathic.

Sounds like you’ve actually had a narrow escape.
 

 

I will never date him again. We had previously talked about staying friends if we ever stopped dating (not like this though) and I may have entertained it if she didn't remain in the picture. But now given that he shows little to no remorse, etc and can't even speak in person, it's a no to friends. 

While you don’t exactly sound like the most altogether sane individual and this all seems rather ‘fatal attraction like’ with you posing a serious threat to bunnies. 

It is also possible on the facts presented that the chap involved is a narcissist. 

This would appear like a classic discard of the old vs love bombing of the new supply. 

 

The fact you’re even entertaining the idea of staying friends suggests you think you may get back together and have a future which is a mistake. The opportunity has gone.

Men are arseholes (and I speak as one). As everyone has said, delete and move on.

Pretty common behaviour for men and women to move on comprehensively. Perhaps stop stalking his every movement and move on as well? Easier said than done, especially as you seem to be rather compulsive about him. Block and move on, or face a long recovery period. 

Hi IG. you managed to get quite a few people to take you seriously here. Congratulations. Didn't really have to invent anything too outlandish either. Just posting weirdly about someone fancying one person and then deciding they fancy another person is enough to get people motoring apparently.

This exact thing happened to me years ago. The reality is, and this will sound harsh, whilst he’s a tw@t for handling it the way he did, it is you, in that he just doesn’t like you as much as he likes her. He’s just not that into you.

Obviously bin him off but the most plausible explanation is he finds the other person more physically and mentally attractive. I wouldn't take it too much to heart (easy to say, difficult to do) as he'll probably sack her off sooner rather than later.

Apologies for the bluntness, but he is simply just much more into her.

 

Also in the interest of fairness this happens the other way round as well.

 

Men meet girls all the time who they totally fall for and then the girl meets someone else and gets banged morning, noon and night while the dude weeps into his pint (rather than posting on a lawyer website).

 

(FAOD I have been on both sides of the equation).

 

Block him, get under someone else (as the new woman will be getting it in spades) and move on.

 

Do not try and remain friends. This is only possible if you were friends long before you started fooking each other. And even then it is very rarely possible.

 

Herendeth the wisdom of Iamlong.

So many quest coming out of this.
 

Why would you want to be friends with him after he left you for someone else?

Why do you think he, having left you for someone else, would then cut that someone else out to be friends with you?

What are your tits like?

What are her tits like?

Etc. 

I haven't been able to make up my mind about that, Bentines.  Is Crypto so in need of attention that he'd invent a female character to accuse him of cheating on her?

I got the impression that Crypto created a few characters on here, all of whom interacted in real time like some unspeakable RoF version of Shutter Island. Suspected the earlier incarnation of Rumpole was also a cast member.

I need to go for a walk or something. 

I went out with a girl for about 5 months; some of it was a good fit, some of it now.

Then I met someone else who was an even better fit and spent a lot of time with her instead.  I’ve been with her now for over 25 years.

Way of the world, innit.

Srsly. The OP is pretending not to understand the phenomenon of someone falling in love with someone else and ending a short relationship.

And people are genuinely trying to explain this and saying the guy in the story has been a dick. As if nobody in the history of mankind has ever had more than one sexual partner before.

Wtaf.

Can you fall in love after one or two dates? 

He talked me back around in Dec

.....I'm on my way to meet him.....hoping I will get some answers.....

I'm in my 30's and him late 20's....so yes I appreciate the age difference 

Still he could have told me no more dating before he met her for first date. Apparently he was going to date us both had I not have caught him out

Also, when you say dating, how serious is it?  5 months is not that short but not that long either.

I know this from experience with one girl who fed me breadcrumbs for a year.

It’s not ‘dating’ after 5 months it’s called “in a relationship”

Otherwise it’s called its “fwb” 

what he was doing is called “cheating”

maybe this is all old person language these days idk

well hang on if you broke up with him just over a month ago and he “talked you round” it’s hardly “all of a sudden” he’s dating someone else

and on the previous thread you said it was your fourth time trying to break up with him - in four months of dating?

Maybe I got some answers..

So.... as soon as I met him he said she still here (our city) and then made it very clear that he wasn’t happy about it. Seemingly she came through last Sat for the night and then kept asking to stay another night and another night, which he had felt he had to say yes to. I questioned about her not having any clothes etc...Apparently she had turned up Sat with a big bag for the night and he had wondered why so big at the time. She’s been at the local spa 2 days so must have had her bikini packed. He reckoned he was desperate for her to leave and go home but didn’t want to tell her as the other day when he said it she cried.

Seemingly she’s always laughing and he likes that. But she is hyper all the time. Even if he takes her out to a restaurant she’s like it and has no awareness of anyone else there. She just does what she wants. Apparently she doesn’t sleep, just a couple of hours and then wakes up. She was jumping on his bed at 5.30am Tues morning in her shoes...he wasn’t happy. There’s too much sex for him as he’s knackered (he works long hours). She’s distractible and apparently just not normal. But he wants to get to know her as she’s different.

My response was, I was looking at her social media the other day and chatting to a friend about it. She reminds me of myself when I was unwell, hypermanic. What you have just told me still sounds like it but obviously I have not seen her so could be on the complete wrong lines.

At this point I thought forget asking him to cut her out his life...... I made the point that she sounds like a punishment in herself.

Apparently he doesn’t like her anymore than me. He said if it wasn’t her it would be someone else. He couldn’t break it off with me before as he didn’t want to hurt me and would have continued to date me if I hadn’t found out.  It was clear from when he was talking that he’s not in love with her but not looking to move on from her either. Seemingly he told her that I was just a friend that he used to date in the past....I called out his lieing.

He didn't make a move but he mentioned about wanting to kiss me before we parted ways. I obviously pointed out hes dating her now. There was a lot of touching and hugging.....I presume because we were used to being like that before, I don't know.

....It is quite a genius move finding a guy to start dating and moving yourself in for a week to explore the city...accommodation is so expensive nowadays.

Martian....sadly wont happen. I don't like her on the basis she continued to pursue him after finding out about me. If not then sure it would have been.....with another man though haha

Let me ask you something: what’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? The very first thing.

heh i remember this thread

cant believe it took some people so long to get it

I feel super rubbish......

Ended up trying to be friends like he wanted because quite clearly I'm an idiot. I couldn't deal with the big change in communication and him talking about her.

I said I couldn't be friends. He wanted to know why. I tried to speak to him but couldn't as was crying so much. He called n3xt day on Tues to check inwas ok and convinced me to agree to meet him this last weekend to talk. In between I saw her Valantines Day flowers and snapped at him for first time, getting angry. Turns out I was mistaken and they were flowers she brought herself and posted online with a caption that made it look like he got them. 

Too late though as I had called him a liar when whe first told me she brought them herself. I have apologised since but he is clinging onto it and has only spoke once since Wed evening to confirm that's what he is angry about. 

He wouldnt confirm the weekend meet he wanted and didn't take my call. So I told him we were done for good this time on Sat morning. I've heard nothing since. 

He still talks to her but hasn't seen her since the weekend mentioned above. He had previously told me he was stopping talking to her but clearly not happened.

All I want is to hear from him and see him. I cant stand the thought of losing him for good. 

Advice for all options pls........

I sympathise. This post must have been really difficult for you.

thoughts with you at this difficult time. Don't feel embarrassed, it's them not you.