Just walked past a student who was trying to nurse a dying pigeon

It was in a really gross pigeon bespoiled street under a bridge

She looked up at me as though I might come over to help

Would you have helped?

No idea re norks

It was very near a halls of residence and she was a very nicely dressed Chinese woman of about 19

If she is not a student I will eat a hat

Not a pigeon tho

How would you help the dying feral pigeon ?? Lying on the ground fluttering among the poo?

A nicely dressed student?

I nominate a trilby.

 

I'd help it by throwing it into the road so a passing lorry could put it out of its misery.

Did this really happen?  Maybe she was trying to remove its tongue as I believe that is a delicacy in certain parts of the Far East.

I’m reminded of the ‘Speckled Jim’ incident from Blackadder.

Pass me that black cap will you, I’ll be needing that shortly.

Massive HEH at that vid, Titters.

the head lollop made me snort and I have only just recovered from a coughing fit caused by my inhaling my chewing gum.

I should think that woman now has bad lip AIDS and necrotising fasciitis of the face.

Compare and contrast this with a rather awkward event last week.

I was driving down our lane and as I came towards the T junction with the main road I scared something out of the bushes by the woods. At first I thought it was a wild boar - quite excited at the implications of this as they are not in our part of Sussex and if they appeared then we'd be asked to shoot them and I like munching singularis porcus as much as Obelix.

But on closer inspection it was a Muntjack. It fled down the lane and straight over the A286 to the woods on the other side, only half way across it bounced off the side of a car which swerved but didn't stop. It was only a glancing blow and it then turned in shock and did a sort of dance in the road in a circle then lolloped back towards me and fell over in front of my car, screaming like a child. Very grim. I had my dog in the car and she started to go beserk.

I don't like to see things suffering like this. I jumped out and took a look and its back leg was broken and blood coming from its nose. Panting like a dog with a wild staring eye, showing loads of white like the deep terror it clearly felt.

What to do. I went to the car, took out the nearest thing I could find to a weapon - the wheel bar - knelt down and gave it a couple of blows to the head. There was no quick death. Rather a large amount of flipping about on its side and spraying blood over my jacket and, though I didn't know it, face. At this point the post van entered our drive and I looked up. He looked entirely horrified by what he saw - me murdering the local wildlife, spattered in blood and raising my arm for another violent blow.  I tried to explain. He just handed me our letters and said "good luck with that" and got back in the car before I applied the tyre iron to him (that's what his face said).  I got back to the car and saw my reflection in the window.  Bateman. 

Why didn't you reverse the car over the deer's head? Obviously you'd have some explaining to the Romanians at the car wash afterwards, though possibly not.

Imagine getting pulled over by the police after that

Please tell me you took the carcass into the kitchen and butchered it. Muntjac is meant to be good eating, no?

I was not driving my ancient Defender but something more delicate with low profile tyres on some expensive alloys and thus was not interested in shards of Muntjack in the tread.

Also that squish pop business is a bit grim whereas a quick smack on the head etc...well that turned out grim too but never mind.

Muntjac are beautiful creatures.

It doesn't surprise me that Mutters enjoys killing them.

They are meant to be good eating but no animal that's had a stressful death is good eating as the adrenaline makes the muscles tight and the meat spoils. Plus if you are eating a deer you kill then you need, carefully, to remove the insides without bursting the gut at all as this releases enzymes which begin to digest the meat and make it very poor. Getting the stomach, intestine and liver, heart, lungs etc out is something you need to do as soon as it is dead. I was driving somewhere. If it had been hung up un-drawn it would have been inedible when I got back late that evening.

It doesn't surprise me that Mutters enjoys killing them.

 

you remarkably stupid prick. 

 There is no enjoyment whatsoever in killing a deer. I don't shoot them - never have - and don't like to kill them. I don't own a rifle for that purpose and would decline any invitation to go shooting deer. I saw a very badly injured one and did the decent thing to it, but you might not have understood that. 

I don't agree that they are particularly beautiful creatures. I love to see the roe deer around us but the muntjac look like nervous little hairy pigs.  

fair enough. I thought it all happened right in front of your house.

 

down a lane which is from our house to the main road -  bout a quarter of a mile back home.

I once hit a bird that got stuck head-first in the radiator grill. Didn't want to touch it when I arrived at work so left it there.

Glaswegian pigeon lady must have been on our team as it was gone when I clocked off.

I remember being very young and driving through either France or Ireland on holiday and watching my dad ineffectually trying to euthanise a car damaged rabbit by picking it up by its ears and administering a rabbit chop to the back of its head. Each time the rabbit flopped to the floor and tried to struggle off and I think my mum took me to the car at that point. I don’t actually know what happened. I suspect we either drove over it in the end or my old man hoyed it into a bush and we drove off. 

I had a biology teacher who used to collect roadkill deer and smuggle them into the school biology lab, where he would gut them and point out all the organs and identify the specific injury that killed the deer.

At such break he would then take the gutted deer back to his house and butcher it in his garage. Students that went back to his house to help with the butchering were then sent off with a hunk of frozen meat from a previous bit of roadkill.

I'd much rather eat venison than beef.

Supes' post makes me wonder what else was on the menu from the biology teacher for lads who didn't mind where they got their meat from

Nah, Otis McCain was a good egg. There was a girl in my sister's class who lost her hair from chemo and was reluctant to come back to school. Odie shaved his head in solidarity to try and coax her back to school.

I’m disappointed the last line of that post didn’t involve a deer hair wig

When I was about 8 our cat got squashed on the road behind our house.  I had to help my dad shovel it up and into a bin bag.  guts everywhere.

You get used to this in Cyprus. Hunting dogs half run over looking up with pleading eyes

The women in the car always insist that you pick it up and put the snarling, bloody mess in the boot and take it to the nearest vet

He was/is. Not sure if he's still kicking around.

He also took us on a winter snowshoeing trip into the Yosemite backcountry in my senior year (17/18yo). Our school ran a field trip every year up to Yosemite in the winter, and as an optional add on you go on the overnight snowshoe trip. There is really nothing quite like being in a wild forest in the middle of a clear winter's night.

that last bit sounds too much like Dr Evil's monologue re scrotum shaving.