Jesus, m7s.

Being a ward doctor is absolutely bollocks. Cannot remember why I thought it would be a good idea to leave emergency medicine for this.

Are you treating vuvu patients?

What is the worst thing about it? Pls include gory detail, without compromising patient confidentiality of course.

How realistic is Holby City? 

Asking for a friend, obv

Emergency medicine = diagnose 12 people a shift; kid yourself you’re House; stitch up wounds; pile all the boring shit that has to be done eventually onto some  other chump

Inpatient medicine = doing all the boring shit that has to be done eventually; trying to persuade old people it’s important for you to jab needles in them; completing a lot of tedious paperwork

I did Pinkus, that’s how I found this place iirc. Not sure if it was a lucky escape or not tbh

I’m doing physician training Meh but I spent 3.5 years doing emergency medicine jobs here and in Oz.

physician trainees are easily the most downtrodden group of sad sacks in the hospital and possibly the whole profession 

I think, if I'd been clever enough to be a doctor, I'd have gone into pathology. Seems a more relaxed way to earn a living.

Christ... that does sound dull. Specialism in generalism?

Yeah but £39k mate! How on Earth are you gonna spend all that???

not trying to brag but due to the fact that I work nights, evenings and weekends I’m actually pulling down a cool £52k

I’m working 20% more hours than in Australia for 20% less money

Christ... that does sound dull. Specialism in generalism?

It’s a requirement to enter specialties like cardiology and haematology etc 

That’d make you a 3 at least then. #livingkhuntstyle #whetesthelamborghinidealership #privatejets


ps what kind of sorcery is this that you get paid overtime? Might as well cancel the bloody hypocratic oath.  

I reckon microbiology looks interesting. Apart from the pus and stuff 

U have to do what I’m now doing to train in microbiology Linda. It’s like a huge moat filled with shit you have to wade through to get to the cool specialties.

I have at times vaguely wished I had done medicine but then saw a doco following 1st year medics fresh out of medical school - looked absolutely terrifying.

my pal just made consultant (is acting consultant until her training thingy ends in october) and is pretty fecking smug about it

she's taking tomorrow off and someone will just have to cover

on the downside because of the old people she won't come to the pub

I can understand, you wouldn't want to be Inadvertant Shipman

totes there is, I believe, no accredited neuropsychiatry training programme in the UK - it’s something which is entered into ad hoc by either neurologists or psychiatrists. At least that was the case when I looked into it a few years ago 

you’re better off out of it Guy. I’m exaggerating and venting a little here but it really is not all that in most specialties unless you’re willing to leave the country, possibly forever.

A mate of mine who's a nurse has some ace stories.  The chap who was so constipated he was pooing from his mouth is a goodun.  Apparently n7rses don't mind the patient getting to defcon5 when encathetering because it makes it easier...

The impression I get Chimp is that it is shit for the first ten years or so but then gets far more comfortable because (a) you specialise in an area that presumably suits you (b) you get to the stage where you have seen everything before so much less stressful (c) in most specialities you start to work civilised hours.

had to catheterise an old bloke last night Wang, I must admit the thought “I wish he had a hard-on to make this a bit easier” did not occur to me

Seems worth sticking with it, being a junior doctor sound extremely shit but being a consultant seems like the cushiest gig in the world. That contract they're on is a joke. 

My mate has been a consultant for a couple of years now and honestly if he has to work 3 days in a week then it's a busy one. 

Definitely true Guy, it does get better eventually but it’s quite a slog. If I were a younger man I probably wouldn’t mind the thought of another 8 years of training so much but it’s extremely tempting to smash the big red button marked GP TRAINING and be out in 3 years and never have to do another night shift until I die.

It surprised me Chimp.  My rudimentary understanding of anatomy is that the process of tumesence flips the tubes from wee to glee like some sort of genital Hornby rail track.

What specialty is your mate pancakes? I think it’s pretty variable. Wouldn’t mind being a consultant radiologist or orthopod. Being a consultant geriatrician seems less good 


he's spent the entire peak of the covid crisis working one day per week and never got called in during an on-call shift once

though he often does do an extra day per week (for a total of 3 or 4) because he gets paid £1,200 for doing it. 

but yeah I don’t think an erection would make it easier to catheterise someone. pretty academic since someone limbering up to wedge a rubber hose down the old chap is enough to make all but the most adventurous fetishists suffer stage fright 

Worst I have had is the throat / stomach cam.  Was all primed to ask for the drugs but then a thirteen year old girl who went in before me couldn't have the drugs because of an allergy.  My ancient Neanderthal genes could not let me be that guy.  

Worst bit is the horrendous burping on extraction.

Oh once you r past 40 you trainee Dr types will take any excuse for a digit up the rusty sheriff's badge

My mother is a Consultant " Trauma Surgeon" Co-Clinical lead/Director or something. I have long since stopped asking her about work. Was mostly bloody gruesome.

Yes chimp exactly. It’s where the really bright outliers go to practise. 

Chimp isnt general trauma surgery a sweet gig, jack of all trades, master of none..

I've just been shouted at by a microbiologist, so I've changed my mind about them being cool 

My cousin did medicine at Edinburgh and when it came to choosing his training he had good grades etc so could basically go where he wanted but he chose to train on the islands off of Scotland because he heard you get to rappel out of helicopters. You should do whatever specialism that is.

I’m working 20% more hours than in Australia for 20% less money

But there are some advantages to being in the UK, not Australia:

1. Look out your window on a summer's day. What do you see? Is it:

a) A towering wall of flame, smoke and death?

b) A sweaty fat bloke eating a Greggs sausage roll?

2. Think about the last spider you saw. Was it:

a) The size of your face and four times as poisonous as Katie Hopkins in a bath of polonium?

b) Small and harmless?

3. How far are you from a bookshop:

a) There's a Waterstones on the High Street

b) 4000 km, and even then it only has cookery books by Matthew Hayden and a biography of Kylie in it.


Ok, I’ve just googled and Matthew Hayden has actually released a cookbook. Even more surprising it isn’t ‘100 ways to grill a steak’ but actually has some tasty tropical vegetarian options from his time in India

i’m buying the shit out of that right now

orthopods and anaesthetics loadsamoney

radiology not so much. But, not much patient contact, and loads wfh opportunity, so, swings roundabouts 

Radiologists can make a lot of money doing medico legal work. 

Average income for a consultant anaesthetist is around 100k I think. Definitely better than a kick in the chops but that's after at least 10 years of training, exams, shift work etc etc.

Always thought private radiology work would be a good shout because you can pretty much do it at home. Knock out a few normal CT head scans from Australia before breakfast

not being able to work from home is definitely one of the biggest downsides of being a doctor for shut-ins like me

A female GP who’s a mate had a consistent hypochondriac patient.

He came in worried about prostate trouble.

She invited him to drop his kecks behind a screen and said she’d go find the rubber gloves.

”Oh no, Dr, I’ve heard you don’t need to do that any more, I’ve been told you can do a digital examination these days”.

”Yes, I will use my digit” *waves finger in the air*

He seemed much less keen on the examination after that. He was fine, of course.