J17-esque question: Objectively speaking, do you rate yourself as being attractive?

Steering clear of serious shit for a moment, but do you consider yourself as being attractive?  If you had to rate yourself, where would you put yourself between 1 and 10? 

I ask because we have just had some photos done for work.  Usually, I'd consider myself as average, probs around a 6/7, and clearly any photos I would chose to post on social media are the ones I think are best of me.  The photos that have been taken for work, no word of a lie (although I am not posting for obvious reasons), make me look like a hobbit or, worse, a weeble. 

It shouldn't matter - how I look doesn't impact my job, but I just look awful (and it does matter to me); I am completely depressed - and if that's how people view me, quite frankly I am staggered that I met anyone who was prepared to marry me. I don't need anyone (who knows me or otherwise) to pop up and give me moral support, it is what it is, but I just wondered how other people view themselves.  Maybe it is just that I am aging and I find that depressing.


Look back at photos of yourself that you know you liked previously.  If you no longer feel that way, you are depressed.  

If you like old photos but not new photos, you are not dealing with aging. Ask yourself,  how many of your friends got uglier as they got older? None. 

Not particularly photogenic but get more than my fair share of attention from men and women 

So yeah pretty attractive 

Largely because of my rig I think though

I always think I’m a solid 8 then I look in the mirror .. so I just don’t look in the mirror any more, job done.

Ah, Glasserz...  The thing to remember is that those official photos, unless they are from a proper full on photo shoot, are incredibly difficult to get right, because time is generally limited, and fact is, posing is hard!  Also, you obviously do have lots of photos which you were happy with, so you should probably give those more weight than the product of (I'm going to assume) a relatively rushed, awkward photo session.

Work photos are intrinsically uglifying. They're also a data and personal security issue and shouldn't be a thing (this is a hill I will die on).

Some people are super photogenic and some are not.


I had a fling once with a girl (who may well RoF) who was average looking, but photographed super hot.  I then went out with her friend who was much hotter but looked rather average in a photo.


More importantly girl 1 was memorable for insisting on meeting Alan, but sadly girl 2 was not friends with Alan.

Glasserz, I’d say they are just bad photos and not many people look good in work photos. You probably look far better when doing something you enjoy heaps. Think you are a horse person, so bet a good photographer could get good pics of you when doing horse related activities. In any event, it’s how you present in reality, how you are with people which makes you attractive. 
Personal score: I really don’t care. 

I rarely like photos of myself but I think I'm a solid 7. 

Bottom line is that someone out there thinks you're a 10, and who says they are wrong to have that view

A little from column A and a little from column B....


The photographer was trying to pose me. I wasn't having much of it. She said I couldn't smile. There was no chemistry. They turned out sheet. I don't use them. 

I think I am pretty average - nobody would notice me in a bar and think wow that person is good looking,  but nor do i think im unattractive - just in the middle somewhere 6?

I have good natural teeth, which have been whitened at the dentist (but still look a natural white rather than gleemingly obvious) and get a little botox up top which is done well and looks very natural. You would never notice. I think both those things help significantly when you start to age, if subtle,  and probably push me up rather than down as i get older vs peers. 

I met a friend I hadnt seen for about 2 years due to distance/covid blah blah blah and it was the first time i met someone and  thought "you do not look like what you are posting on the internet" nothing horrendous just uses skin filter which is very obviously (now) not what she looks like in real life. 

Used to be. These days I look like the stock photo for "Local man found with indecent images on hard drive". 

Given you are reputed to be the best looking man to ever grace Rof, Jim, definitely blame the photographer.

To the OP, on physical attractiveness, I'm probably around a 3.  

I’ve never been a “looker “ my “attractiveness” has always come despite my muntiness so I can’t comment on any perceived “loss”

For photo purposes , after many many shoite iterations, I now have 2/3 different poses/set ups that work for me. The worst photos of me tend to come from “professional” shoots where they don’t listen / have fixed set up ( I tend to end up looking like the angry security guard of the group in the standard “big table” group shoot) . I ignore the crap shoots basically 



Going into bright restaurants and clothes stores is the worst. The bright lights and new clothes make your own seem poor. Stick to charity shops and gloomy pubs. 

A solid 2 on looks. Only thing I've got going for me are my eyes. But having a round (fat) and asymmetrical face, all my photographs are horrid. I've accepted it. I found ageing and just accepting I'm not attractive to the opposite sex quite liberating. People do tend to like me. I have a sense of humour, am kind and always willing to help, am smart and somehow am often sought out for mentoring etc. It is what it is. 

For photographs: learn how to do the squint (look it up on youtube) and pose in front of the mirror to find good angles to hold your face. It really does help. 

I got cock-blocked big time by Jim at ROF Xmas drinks one year. Putting in a shift with 'fette I was and then Jim turns up and says something shit like "Hi, I'm Jim" and that was it, I was invisible. 

So yeah for the only time ever in corporate history, you can actually blame the photographer.

I like what I see in the mirror.  I hate, genuinely detest, what I see in photographs.  A complete mismatch between self-image and reality perhaps.  I can't pretend that I am entirely reconciled to it, and I am sad that the photographic record (such that anyone cares) will not reflect me as I think of me.  But a beautiful girl did choose to marry me and every now again other people let it be known that they wouldn't be completely adverse to spending some "intimate time" with me if I were up for it (I'm not, c.f. beautiful girl) so I cant be that bad.  

(I am still looking into how to exercise my right to be forgotten to excise an old firm profile photo from the internet though...)

I take the view that whilst I may not like photos, it captures me as I am and therefore given that people don't (mostly) run screaming from me, I'm fine.


This is actually an interesting question to me at the moment, as I approach middle age, and wait for the "now invisible to men and, in fact, the world" axe to (women are told, inevitably) fall.

I think I have a pleasing face - at least people seem to like to look at it, I think I'm the embodiment of "easy on the eye" : never quite sure if that is a compliment or being damned with faint praise!  I definitely think I got lucky with my looks, they seem to be able to handle both my being slimmer and more, ahem, voluptuous - something I'm extra aware of at the moment, having gained an ungodly amount of weight during lockdown (I wonder what the time limit is for blaming lockdown for my weight gain...) but, apparently, I still scrub up ok.

I do seem to get a fair amount of spontaneous (and surprised - there goes the "damned with faint praise" thing again) pronouncements that I'm "beautiful", which I don't think I am...  Again, I think it comes down to having a "pleasing aspect" and then every so often, someone decides that my looks have some depth, and they are apparently so surprised by that, they can't help blurting it out - the same sort of reaction I get when someone who's known me for a long time realises for the first time that my tongue is pierced. 

One thing I am very glad about is that I never really used makeup, so what you see is what you get, which takes a huge amount of the pressure off, particularly as I get older.  Oh, and having reasonably high cheekbones helps too.

As for photos - posed photos : eurgh, every single time, even the supposedly good ones.  I always think I look like my upper body is made of concrete, and some evil genius has found a way to control my facial expressions through the stick they inserted in my arse.  Makes you realise why modelling is an actual job for which people get paid lots of money - in my opinion, they've earned every bloody penny.

I look fooking great.

Sometimes though unfortunate photos can give the impression that I am just old, rather than silver foxy.

I am dubious about this invisibility thing. I suspect it's a problem for women who got an easy ride in youth because of unusually good looks. When you are used to privilege, equality feels like discrimination, as they say. Thus, as with stories about the millionaires who lost their van Goghs during the war, I feel that in a sea of injustices I probably wouldn't top ten it.

youth because of unusually good looks. When you are used to privilege, equality feels like discrimination, as they say

Based and red pilled Clergham 

Ranges from a 4 when carrying weight and making no effort to maybe a 6.5 on a good day when in shape, having shaved and wearing reasonably nice clothes. 

Having Mrs Donny (who is properly attractive) with me seems to add a point or so to the score. 

Attractive-ish compared to others my age but certainly not against 20/30 somethings. 

The older I get the rougher I look in photos, that’s for sure. 

I care less about looks the more I age, so unlikely to give a toss when I’m guessing middle-aged invisibility strikes (unless I’m single I suppose).

I find with a touch of botox, the new veneers and some fillers I can quite comfortably pass for a 7.

Okay 6 you bast****. 

Glasserz, they are just some bad pictures. Everyone has them. They are not the definitive answer on your attractiveness 

Base line is a 6. Can rise to a 7.5 if all the planets are aligned: good mood, confidence, tanned and fit from walking holiday, after first glass of wine but before fourth. 

You lot sound like a right bunch of mingers

Rof drinks must be like happy hour at Mos Eisley Cantina.

I think there’s some research to show that when we look at ourselves in the mirror we learn how to airbrush out and overlook the bad bits over time. The camera never lies though. If you think you Ming in photos you probably do Ming. Sorry!

I have to grow a beard because otherwise I’m too handsome to be taken seriously.

I wouldn’t want to put a number on it. I’m not sure 10 does it justice.

But it is somethingI am aware of and manage.

In a mirror I am a 6

On camera I am a 5

This is surely a common perception.   You are used to the image in the mirror: not that produced by the camera.

I’d suggest that’s one reason why 50% of TikTok and instagram pics are mirror reversed

Fascinating stat Elfffi.  Re the original question - I think any illusions I might have about being any better than bang on dead average (at best) have fallen away over the years.  Fortunately, I suppose, the importance I attach to being a "looker" has also faded away.  Objectively speaking I can't say I merit anything higher than 5 on looks alone - as far as the total package is concerned, again probably not more than 5.  

I agree the image I see of myself in the mirror than in reality but would cheerfully accept that the latter is much more reflective of reality.  Some people do indeed look better in real life than in photos (and vice versa) but I doubt I fit into either category.  I found myself nodding at badoit's 13.10.  My favourite photos of myself are snapshots where I'm doing something I love - trying to control a blue marlin by the boat on a single strand of 2.5mm nylon leader, or wowed by a skipjack tuna speeding away on a light spinning rod.  The intensity and the pure enjoyment of the moment just comes through, or maybe it's my recollection of it that does.  

I enjoy photography and, after trying it on several occasions, have come to appreciate the art and skill behind getting a photo of someone that makes him/her look good, and (surprisingly often but not always the same) also an image that reflects his/her character.  One thing I have noticed in respect of the latter is that the magic moment, when one's character and personality shows through, is often very fleeting, and can require a great deal of anticipation - knowledge and understanding of one's subject, as well as being at the right place at the right time - to capture.  

I think there’s some research to show that when we look at ourselves in the mirror we learn how to airbrush out and overlook the bad bits over time. The camera never lies though. If you think you Ming in photos you probably do Ming. Sorry!


This is true.  I find it odd when I'm about to take a selfie and think I look alright, then the second the photo is taken I've completely changed and look 5x worse

Firstly, Glasserz, you are gorgeous. 

Secondly, it depends. Some days I think i look ok. I’m not beautiful but i don’t think I’m a complete shitshow, facially speaking. I get around this mediocrity by being outgoing and by dressing stylishly. I think this helps people to think I’m potentially interesting (more likely =/= guaranteed).

Mr D thinks I’m hot, apparently. 

Up to late 30s say, 8/9 out of 10.  I never worried about women fancying me, my issue was always how to manage the queue in a polite manner.  That sounds appalling, but I'm just being honest.  I was a trendy little f***er who knew how to fake modesty.  

Post 50, all irrelevant.  Have no idea wtf I look like, and care less.  As you age, it's all about staying in shape tbh.  

How on earth can anyone rate their looks 'objectively'? Has everybody forgotten what 'objectively' means?

I’m alright I guess- skin is good because of minimal makeup over the years. I can’t compete with my husband though who is a solid 10 and doesn’t know it- chiselled jaw, full head of thick hair, that kinda thing. 

It is the photograph. What PV says about a good photographer capturing the character. I have had a couple of good photos done. I was laughing just before the shot and liked the photographers. Some of those law firm professional head shots are absolutely horrendous and I don’t think some of the photographers are any good or professional. They can actually make anyone look dreadful. It’s a bit of a violation for a Company to put dreadful pictures online of their employees. I asked for mine to be removed and replaced with one I had done. It was by someone who had just left teaching to be a photographer and later I saw he was photographing famous people, academics etc which was nice. 

PVs writing skills, excellent fishing and boat handling skills and photography already put (him?) at a steady 8. 

There are basically no very attractive female solicitors (I.e 7 or above), as a rule. There are trainees that are reasonably OK, and then they disappear and I have no idea what happens to them. Do they leave law or do they just get butters? There are a reasonable number of 6-6.5s (maybe up to 20 across all major city firms).

As for men, plenty of guys are reasonable looking. Genuinely I am very attractive but I don’t want to out myself, for there are very few very good looking men in the profession. I am one of them, but I would say there are a hundred, maybe two, reasonably decently good looking men with resources, hair and a bit of mojo like me. 

if you are looking for tips, try a carnivore diet, just eat meat. Maybe some sweet potatoes. Go to the gym everyday. And report back in a year. Grow you penis with a Penimaster and a bathmate and a Phallosan Forte. Mine is really big and I know women don’t care, but the confidence I have rocking it, is spectacular. 

I have always under-estimated my attractiveness.

Until a boyfriend once said to me "the most beautiful thing about you is that you don't even realise how beautiful you are".

I am a skinny, brown eyed brunette who has never considered herself to be "beautiful".  Hmmm ...

Dude. You realise that’s a well know basic canned pickup line not tailored at you. You’re probably a 4. You know if you’re hot from other people. Trust me I can just tell. You’re probably just a 4, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Until a boyfriend once said to me "the most beautiful thing about you is that you don't even realise how beautiful you are".

Fvck this bullshit, the men who peddle it, and the idea underlying it that a woman's gotta be hot but unaware and modest about her attractiveness.  It's really just another iteration of the madonna-whore thing that straight men can't get over.

Fact is, WE KNOW how attractive we are within any particular society at any point in our lives, at any time of the day, because of how pple interact with and respond to us.  We're judged on our looks all. the. time.



Obese see PVs post at 19.11. This is what makes people attractive. This has caught the energy of it in a moments post; of the sea, flashing tuna, capability, 

Agree with your position Sizz. 

But is it Madonna /whore complex?  

Perhaps if you see it as a women who asserts her own attractiveness and sexual value confidently = whore. 


For me i see it more as the standard ‘women can’t be allowed to define their own value’ and have to rely on men to give it to them. 

Perhaps if you see it as a women who asserts her own attractiveness and sexual value confidently = whore. 

I wouldn't, no! But what I mean by it being an iteration on M-W is that the woman here is considered all the more appealing if she is sexually desirable and appealing but ignorant or "innocent" of this knowledge. (Vom.) 


For me i see it more as the standard ‘women can’t be allowed to define their own value’ and have to rely on men to give it to them. 

There's definitely an element of that bollocks as well.

I've met plenty of men and women who don't know they are attractive because their self-image eclipses their recognition of the signals others are sending.  But agree with the broader point about fvck the bullshit behind the pick-up line.


I mean I munt but I’ve always been quite good at persuading women to have sometimes extravagantly creative sex with me 

#underwhelminglyfat - dude?  Are you a yank?  I am a petite brown eyed brunette who is a 9.  Dude, I bet you are fat and ugly.