Irrational annoyances part zz

Dimples

In the past three days I’ve seen two people with deep dimples and both times the dimples have annoyed me just by being there. I’ve wanted to tell these people to get their faces sorted out. Dimples don’t make you look cute. They make you look like you think you’re cute

Er....you do know these aren't choices in life, they just happen to be on their faces? Are you ok? Have you had breakfast? You sound unnecessarily hangry.

There was a character in a book I read as a child who wanted dimples so badly that she used to grind the end of a pencil into her cheek every day to try and create some. (Not unlike the Chinese practice of binding one's feet, I suppose.) She'd have given herself lead poisoning IRL, right?

I often wondered how men shave inside the dimple on their chin... ...or does hair not grow there. I must inspect the next one I see more closely.

Then why do we call it lead?

I hate it when people call things things that make no sense. Maybe that's my irrational (rational) hatred at the moment. The one which really winds me up is "Anglo-Saxon".

TfL "Baby on Board" badges. Specifically when used by barely showing early term young fit healthy women to bump-shame people into giving up their seat. You're pregnant not disabled. Get some self respect. 

It used to be lead, that's why.  Now it's graphite, innit?

 

All my hatreds are rational.  My sweary reactions to people who bump into me when they're not looking where they're going have started to become irrationally ill tempered however.  Last week I called a middle-aged lady a fucking twat when she bumped into me (looking at her phone).  I also (just before Christmas) made some guy come back and apologise when he started walking off after walking straight into me in Waterloo station.

 

I'm going to get stabbed, aren't I?

You’ll probably just get used to it and start saying all that stuff (and worse) in your head, like the rest of us.

No, no - I started off by doing that.  Now I've actually started calling people out on it.  EmJay gets hideously embarrassed by it.  I think that having your other half yell "For fuck's sake, you fucking moron" at people on the street isn't very British behaviour.

Gary, you try pushing something the size of a chihuahua out of your anus and then we'll talk about respect.

Gary, you try pushing something the size of a chihuahua out of your anus and then we'll talk about respect.

If he accepts your challenge, Lady P, can we ask for video footage?

What LP said. In the early stages, they are arguably more in need of being offered a seat with the nausea, back pain, dizziness etc

Added to which, if they didn't have a badge, nobody would know any better

I hate the people who rush onto the tube, dive bombing into the last available seat without looking around. Almost always young women.

Panda: I have one dimple only. My face couldn't decide whether it wanted to be cute apparently. My sister has one too, on the same side and I'm afraid I've passed the one sided dimple gene on to my son.

I needed a badge the other night with a kidney stone on my way home on the tube.  Thought I was possibly going to pass out and vom and must have looked completely mental to anyone else in the carriage grimacing and writhing a bit.

I quite like the dimples that one has above one's bottom. dimples of Venus or something, I think that they are called.

Sails, why didn't you ask someone for a seat? If someone on the tube told me they had a kidney stone and asked for my seat I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

“Gary, you try pushing something the size of a chihuahua out of your anus and then we'll talk about respect.”

Any self-respecting man will do that at least once a day

"Last week I called a middle-aged lady a fucking twat when she bumped into me (looking at her phone)."

And how did Clergs react?

Anna by that stage I was just thinking "get me the feck home" and wasn't rationally pondering if I might ask for a seat.  I was also trying to decide whether to go home or continue two stops and go straight A&E.

Judi Dench

Can’t stand her and all those affected actressy mannerisms

You really did get out of bed the wrong side didn’t you Panda?!

tuneless whistlers is currently top of my list.  My next-door desk colleague is one such offender, made worse (i) by the fact he only whistles one refrain (ii) it is performed so badly that I'm unable to work out what the tune should be  

people holding their knife like a pen. 

It's infuriating.  

I can’t even see how that would work. There would only be a centimetre or so of the knife available to cut the venison 

hehe at the blue passport. 

I think some of these transgressors believe they are being more formal or polite by holding their knife in this way.   See also agents and the like misusing reflexive pronouns.

panda, the knife is held by the handle in the usual way but the hand positioning is as if holding a pen.  You must have seen it.

Agents using reflexive pronouns incorrectly is less annoying than them addressing their first e-mail to me using a diminutive of my name that I particularly hate.  Use my proper name until I give you some reason to think I prefer being known by some other name.

At the beauty spa yesterday, reading a magazine, an advert for cool sculpt, a surgical fat reduction. It freezes fat cells, kills them, they are then metabolised (apparently).

the advert then went on to claim that the technique was discovered by accident by noticing that kids sucking popsicles lost fat in their cheeks leading to dimples.

I have to say it sounded like the biggest load of pony Ive ever read, how does this get beyond ASA??

 

My dad used to hold his knife like a pen.  He once tried to ‘correct’ me. Twat.

"Gary, you try pushing something the size of a chihuahua out of your anus and then we'll talk about respect."

 

I do this routinely on as many weekends as possible and I can tell you it's not the getting it out that hurts it's getting it in.

 

But as to your retort - so what? These entitled little princesses aren't in labour. They're barely 12 weeks gone. IF they were lumbering heifers near to popping it would be different but they aren't. They're fit, healthy, young women in the prime of their lives more than capable of standing for a few minutes on a tube. A bit of Brexit austerity's what these snowflakes need.

 

 

When you're trying to power through the last two minutes of an extreme sauna and some twat keeps loudly guzzling from their plastic water bottle like a great fat hamster.

So that's what happened to the RoF hamster since the revamp.  Put out to pasture and now doing extreme sauna to annoy Clergs.

These entitled little princesses aren't in labour. They're barely 12 weeks gone. IF they were lumbering heifers near to popping it would be different but they aren't. They're fit, healthy, young women in the prime of their lives more than capable of standing for a few minutes on a tube.

You have no idea what early pregnancy is actually like or what side effects they may be experiencing, so I think it's best we treat your remarks with the consideration they deserve.

Women yapping at counter assistants, and only after you show up,

start attending to their buying 

Slow people at ATMs

When I'm world dictator they'll be the first against the wall

1) People who go to tesco metro, or little waitrose, and buy a weeks food shop for a family of four

2) Chavs walking about with out of control barking dogs on chains

3) People who take ages at the ATM, WTF are you doing

4) Parents who allow their  badly behaved brats to wonder away from them, causing annoyance to shoppers.

5) People who go to the kiosk at the supermarket and insist on buying several scratch cards, and then standing their scratching all the cards to see if they have won, and those hand the assistant dozens of lottery tickets, for them to scan in to the machine.

All this barrista bollocks which means every coffee takes about 5

minutes to serve in a queue of 15 

This one’s not irrational but people who get on a train and say they can’t sit facing backwards because they’ll be sick. Literally no one has ever been sick on a train for facing backwards. They say it to draw attention to themselves