If you had to attend the High Court for a high profile case
a perfectly no… 24 Sep 20 14:00
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you know, the kind where the press show up to take pictures of the litigants going into court 

would you arrange to arrive in an MPV with blacked out windows, which would roll down and start blasting out “Lola’s Theme” at full bells, the doors slide out and you, any co-litigants and your entire legal team step out, dressed like the cast of Suits, and perform a slick, aggressive coordinated dance routine all the way down the pavement and up the court steps?

me: yes

it would be worth launching litigation for this alone, and I may suggest it to clients

I would walk my client past the assembled crowd yelling "NO QUESTIONS", irrespective of whether there were any questions or not.

I’d do that even if there was no crowd

I have done this for the famous ITV Digital vs Football League trial.  The one that did for hammonds I think.

I was carrying a box.  

Word to the motherfucker.

The camera people kept running in front of us as we left and blocking the pavement and I was carrying about 8 lever arched files full of pleadings.




Amusingly the partner I worked for kept moving me so he could be in shot but you couldn't see him on the 6 o'clok news, but I was there proudly holding my box.


Probably my finest legal moment

Dude this was in trainee days and so post walkman and pre iphone.  I walked back carrying that cvnting box to the mothership playing "I left my wallet in el segundo" on the IJ

I’ve been to el Segundo. Rode there from Santa Monica on a rented BMX

No. I'd don wellies, and arrive in a tractor to the soundtrack of the Wurzles

there’s virtually nothing there but an oil refinery 

it’s right at the end of the runways of LAX

because that’s where you’d out an oil refinery obv

I had a big case at the RCJ some years back where the FBU were intervenors.  There was a farily sizeable demo outside and a fire engine blaring our 'Ring of Fire'.  

Attended other courts for high profile cases and wanted to blend into the background as I didn't need some bored hack trying to find out who I was

I was involved in a case which went to the CofA and had to do a witness statement on something.  The issue arose at a first hearing I wasn't at, and neither counsel had taken a proper note of the specific ask. The Court didn't even have a proper record, just "tell us about this".

I'd joined the team about 2 months earlier and the issues in question related to a decision made about 10 years previously - as to why a policy said what it did.  There were no proper records of how the policy decision was made, just bits and bobs of stuff that I had to do my best with and none of the people involved were still around (most had even retired).

I had to listen to the judges absolutely slate my WS and cross my fingers that they didn't call me to explain myself, which thankfully they didn't.  

@ Wang 14:06

"I was carrying a box"

This reminds me, apropro of nothing, quite some years ago going to work one day wearing box-fresh new Loake shoes. Nice shoes but I made the error of not having worn them in, even down to the corner shops, after buying. A bit tight and by the afternoon I was looking forward to getting home and taking them off.

However, my supervising partner declared that afternoon we had an evening conference with counsel in chambers on an urgent matter. I was to carry the files in a case. Since I was working in Surrey, at the time, we got the train to Waterloo. Because by then it was rush hour and rush hour traffic, my supervisor decided that instead of getting a taxi we should walk the 'short' distance from Waterloo station to the chambers in Temple. Me with the effing case of papers and my flipping shoes. Just to compound matters, while I am about 6 feet, he was more like 6 foot three and quite athletic with it (I think he was into hill-walking and so on.) So he moved at a pace, I struggled to keep up with.

Of course, I was carrying the case. He carried an umbrella. 

By the end of the evening I was in agony. I think the blisters took about 10 days to completely heal. 

War stories of fey litigators are very dull indeed...


Just checking: 

1. Is that duller than my dull covid testing story?

2. Do you actually contribute anything to this board, or do you just post about how dull everyone else is? 

(not saying I disagree with you in this instance, you understand).

The ability to tede on about minor details of unimportant long ago court cases is why I became a lawyer in the first place.  

Gotta be more interesting than teding on about some corporate transaction one did doc-blozzing for, or a particularly complex contract one once drafted.  

"..and so they wanted best endeavours but I insisted on only reasonable endeavours in the 5th warranty subclause.  And I stopped them putting in boilerplate specifying use of the Gregorian rahter than Julian calendar!"

I have been involved in quite a few commercial litigation trials with significant press interest. The sad (from my perspective) truth is that the media could not care less about the lawyers in attendance unless those lawyers (a) dress like Harry Potter and/or (b) are attractive blonde Australians who are shagging Seamus Milne. 

And (a) is really only RollonFriday, to be honest. 

That would change if you burst out dressed super sharp and threw massive coordinated dance shapes to loud music.

Incidentally the video for “Lola’s Theme” is the most aggressively early-noughties thing I can think of shy of a David O’Leary Leeds team sheer. The actual Lola appears in it - one of the DJs’ ex-wife - very MILFy

what about call on me eric prydz

flakeys would shit the bed if that came out now

“Monster” by The Automatic also in the running for Most Early 00’s Moment in Popular Music

I got the obligatory pic of me in tabs going off to the Pret round the corner from the rolls building with the client to get a sandwich.

I am currently in training so that when the next pic is taken I look a lot better.

First case I did as a Paralegal was a terrorism trial at the Old Bailey. There was a huge amount of press attention when the verdicts came in - lots of interviews, picutres etc etc. Unsurprisingly, no one wanted the opinion of the person sat taking notes behind the second Defendant's counsel.

Was also involved in a fun one at Snaresbrook while I was a pupil. Could work out why all these weedy men were carrying stepladders on the tube until I saw them set themselves up all around the front lawn of the court to get the best shot of a certain female singer.