Ideal first date

What is it? 

I like it, theres adventure, suspense, high stakes.... the making of any great romance

Base don the one I went on last night which I thought was pretty good - it just shows you don't need to muck about or overthink it. 

1. Drink at nice hotel bar.

2. Dinner somewhere modern and dimly lit in St James's

3. Post-dinner drink at glitzy (read: not tacky) bar/restau in Mayfair.

4. Excellent conversation, some physical contact around the extremities (i.e. hands, you dirt bags), a kiss at the end. 

Sounds like a lot of work for a kiss, what is your move for closing properly 

pub, couple of pints, pub quiz, few more pints, chaste kiss at the end before heading to my bus stop

Am I allowed to include a threesome with Rihanna in this first date?

Because that’d be well tidy.

Both nervous, pre-drink and turn up tipsy.

Something hilarious and ice breakery happens early on e.g. you get to watch a cyclist fall off revealing your mutual hatred of lycra twats.

Excellent waiter realises you are on a date and keeps the booze flowing and appears whenever conversation dies down to crack a joke and check in.

She says "I am still thirsty shall we go somewhere else?"

End up in nightclub, both now buzzed. Bad dancing occurs breaking the physical contact wall.

Uber, bed, trouser snake action.

Wake up and exchange numbers with full intent to call.

It's a classic because it works.

To quote nurse Mary "or we could just do it on the desk now"

RR isn't that the standard drunken weekend repeated a million times across the country? 

hardly ideal. 

I suspect that RRs “full intent to call”s rarely call back might have something to do with the amount of booze it takes to get things moving. 

This is a padewan error.

For the benefit of humanity, I should point out that the correct order is fuck first, drink later. 

I should write a book or something. 

fuck first, drink later. 

I deffo needed a drink after your mum - so this has some truth/ 


So the general consensus is to pipe her first date.... ladies, is this ideal for you?

Thugster I have been married for an excruciatingly long time so this is all muscle memory from a distant past where you were cool if your phone had novelty ringtone.

I would have no idea how to date in this era.

I’ve been on one date ever and it was pretty dreadful.

Phoebe’s sounds like a dream - with a hand shandy rather than a chaste kiss to end the night obviously. 

Phoebes sounds awful, a fucking pub quiz?? And why is noone driving in it? (Alcohol i know) but what happened to the good old days of touching people up in cars after dates, where its warm and nobody knows your address fgs

You guys have missed the point so much that phoebes made.  She said end the date with a chaste kiss.  “Before heading to my bus stop.”

Clearly the kiss ended the date, but then both headed to get the bus back to hers which obv meant lots of snogging and feeling one another up on the bus before getting to her flat and being inside her within 30 seconds of being inside her flat.  Followed up with a proper night of very hard fucking.


Do you really need it to be written down in blood or something?

Heh at Tecco really getting into this. There really will be a wretched tremor in your hands if you keep this up. Wahey!

I’m just interpreting what she said to the betas who don’t understand what a hot woman in her prime is actually saying.

Sue me.

But that would suggest that phoebe is a hot woman in her prime, she has described herself as generously average. So its quite obvious she was just heading home to masturbate furiously 

Also a night suggests that the gentlemen would want to spend atleast an hour there, 54 minutes of which would be spent trying to figure out a way to escape after you're done 

Jazz Club !


You get to have a conversation; while also getting a break from making awkward small talk the whole time. 


Couple of bottles of red



Sad news that she’s emigrating this weekend and so exchange of numbers etc not required.

Tigerlilly, what we learn “off board” generally needs to stay off board but I would passingly hint that phoebes was being naturally modest.

Heh @rofroyalty

@tec.... very interesting, im now imagining a young lara croft 

If it’ll get you through a few cold lonely nights then good for you.

My ideal would be a big long walk up a hill, then a pub lunch or dinner or I'd cook at mine, log fire on, alcohol of choice, and a nice box set.  I mean bot sex.  What?!  I mean sexbot.  No I mean like no pressure, just whatever comes naturally.

This has nothing to do with phoebe im always imagining a young lara croft 

My ideal date:

- train to Kernow

- lunch in the spoons chatting PE with the big man

- few more sharpeners in the spoons

- dinner in the spoons 

- more fizzy lager and banter. We pick up a couple of hotties in the spoons

- go next door to the big mans pad

- ignore the hotties and chat more PE and military chat

- go to bed thinking of kernow 

Bruv, spoons is in Penzance.  I don’t live in Penzance.  We would need to get a taxi back to mine with the girls, either that or you’d need to be little spoon.  Just sayin’.

@ 16:21 if you believe drink-dinner-drink is overthinking it you might want to double-check whether you're a block of wood. 

@ other 16:21 - one should already have established some form of contact before the kiss otherwise it's inevitably going to be a lunge into the void. 

Holding a hand over the dinner table in between main and dessert is quite a nice touch. 

The most one should ever seek from a first date is a kiss. Venturing out with the sole intention of banging someones back doors in isn't what I would call a "date", although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

“Banging” someone’s backdoors in is repugnant.

The term is “smashing” their back doors in.  Ffs, kids today.

And painting them white on the way out.

Important step, not to be missed.

The least i expect from a forst date, is atleast seeing one tit, otherwise its a bad omen for the future 

One tit a la daenerys targaryen fitting in with the qartheen? Kind of a cosplay thing?

Almost exactly that, in order for it to be a tit for the purposes of this requirement, a nipple must be displayed 

That's cool. I always read that stuff as Oedipal. The whore and the Madonna, breast feeding fetish etc. Thanks for sharing. 

There once was a man called Oedipus rex,

You may have heard of his odd complex,

You can look him up in Freud’s index,

Because he loved his mother....

(Forgive me please Mr Tom Lehrer!)

Who was it who posted the accidental bumming story? Was that a first date?