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Let your next career move come to you.

I dropped some cod down the back of the cooker

and now the kitchen stinks of rotting cod

how long until it rots away do you reckon?

*nauseous face*

to be fair, this is actually one of those things you need to deal with. It will be absolutely gross otherwise and the smell will last for months. You need to pull out the cooker and sort it out. Is it a rented flat? If so get the landlord to do it. If not, you'll probably need a gas fitter or electrician (as appropriate). 

Drop some prawns down - they'll mask the cod smell soon enough.

Can you use a torch to see down the gap the cod fell down? If you're able to access it maybe try a long bamboo cane or similar with some strong adhesive tape wrapped around the end to get it / the majority of it out?

Failing that wot others sed - get the cooker moved out and sort it. Can't quite picture the set-up though - if the cooker's fitted how has the cod got behind it?

And clergs has to supply her own ‘wa-wa’ guitar soundtrack when you stride into her kitchen and announce that you believe that you have the tool for this job.

I think the answer is pretty clear, as Tangent Boy suggests.

You need a seagull.   Force it down behind there and it will snap up the fish. Then you need something that will take out a gull. I suggests a Peregrine.  Once he is sated he will sit tight for a while. You may need to flush him out with a large-ish non-domestic cat. Lynx. That sort of thing. When the Lynx comes out, you're onto something like a Wolf. But one on one could be close, so I suggest a pack of wolves.  Then, when they have moved over to the far side of the kitchen and are howling menacingly from the worktops, it's time to bring the hunting dogs in. A decent pack together with marksmen. That should sort it but you might flush out a number of other quarry in the course of things so watch out. Suggest you leave them to it and go to the pub for the evening.

 

Alternatively pull out the cooker and sort it out, you complete fannoir.

fook you, rude twot.

I think everyone who has suggested that needs reminded IT IS FIXED INTO THE WALL. it has been fixed into the wall since probably the early 1990s. It is a gas oven and there is no space underneath it.

So, I can get someone out with a corgi registration. Otherwise I can wait for the fish to rot away.

If only the unimaginative arrogance of people who assume everyone has an identical kitchen arrangement to theirs would rot with it 

Heh.

 

Unimaginative arrogance.

 

OK let's come at this from an alternative angle shall we?

1. There's a hole that it fell down big enough for a piece of cod (which passeth all understanding etc) to fall down. Why don't you get a stick down there with a hook on it and get it back.

2. Alternatively, there will be access to the gas supply somehow otherwise it's completely fookin' dodgy, so there will be a panel you can remove at the bottom of EITHER the cooker itself or the nearest unit which will allow you to access the back.

3. Alternatively, switch gas on, leave it running and flick in a ciggie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQrCvgdcLPY  That should sort it.

 

 

Heh.

 

Unimaginative arrogance.

 

OK let's come at this from an alternative angle shall we?

1. There's a hole that it fell down big enough for a piece of cod (which passeth all understanding etc) to fall down. Why don't you get a stick down there with a hook on it and get it back.

2. Alternatively, there will be access to the gas supply somehow otherwise it's completely fookin' dodgy, so there will be a panel you can remove at the bottom of EITHER the cooker itself or the nearest unit which will allow you to access the back.

3. Alternatively, switch gas on, leave it running and flick in a ciggie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQrCvgdcLPY  That should sort it.

 

 

I think you should just lie tats doon on the floor and extend your proboscis and lick the piece of cod back through the mouse droppings and out through the wee gap which there is. You say there isn't but there is. It is just very small. 

Did you respond to the trainwinetrolleyman "DO I LOOK LIKE I'M fookIN DRIVING SUN? WE'RE BOTH ON A TRAIN IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED AND ANYWAY I'VE GOT TO GET READY TO RETRIEVE A PIECE OF COD FROM UNDER THE COOKER WHEN I GET BACK SO GIVE ME THE fookING WINE YOU BASTARD" or something equally proportionate?

What I don't understand is how Clergs managed to drop the cod down the back in the first place, if it's so inaccessible 

Surely this is a job for Swing with his pressure hose?

If you can't get to it from above or the side (which I do not accept) then the only alternative is to come at it form underneath and cut a hole in your downstairs neighbour's ceiling. I am sure he won't mind.

ps- I had a rat die in the walls somewhere in a thankfully rented flat when I was a trainee. It was as grim as it sounds. Took forever - and months of blue bottle flies type insects flying around my living room and falling into food and a nasty smell and multiple industrial strength cleanings before the root cause was found. Earlier fixing is better believe me 

What she means to say is that looking at it from a distance, there is no obvious basis from which to conclude this is worth bothering about and the removable bits can go fook themselves as you cannot see them through the wine and anyway more wine will ensure the smell isn’t noticeable save for gentlemen callers who may notice it but then reflect it is better not to raise a query in case it is not taken well or emanates not from the back of the cooker but somewhere much, much more private. 

What the hell have you lot had dying in your homes?  I’ve had mice and birds die in walls and under floors over the years and it only smells for a couple of days.  

I mean, cookers generally pull out of the wall at least a bit. It's not like the fitter puts them in place, nails to the wall and then hooks up the gas (usually hooked up to the back bug I accept Clergs might be the only owner of some sort of yugoslavian cooker that you shovel gas into through the front)

Though I suppose this would explain how an albeit high functioning drama queen came to the conclusion that the best way to cook a cod was to drain a merlot then jam the thing down the back of a cooker because its nice and warm down there due to all the decomposing rats vs you know the hob.

I had a bag of shallots go bad in a cupboard over the summer whilst I was away on holiday. The stench was unbelievable. I pulled everything out, cleaned and disinfected the shelf, behind the shelf, the shelf below, two or three times. It's only now that the smell is starting to fade...

If you can get the cod out, I say get it out.

I think you say somewhere the cooker is from the 90s, in that case, what SUMO said.

It should be connected to the fixed incoming gas point behind the cooker with a 1m or 1.5m flexible hose, done so that the cooker can be pulled out periodically to clean underneath it.

 

Do what TC says and get a taskrabbit guy over to deal with it (the only person I knew who has used taskrabbit had sex with the guy who came over on a mini skateboard to put up her shelf. The shelf did later fall down)

Do what TC says and get a taskrabbit guy over to deal with it (the only person I knew who has used taskrabbit had sex with the guy who came over on a mini skateboard to put up her shelf. The shelf did later fall down)

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