Oh, sorry - now read your 11:14 - if your wife isn't your biggest fan at the moment then obviously you should go and get nuts deep in some other women ASAP. Free pass and fill yer boots.
On the assumption you are not going to try to boff the MILF, there is nothing wrong with going for lunch with another person no matter how attractive she is.
Is the idea that your wife won’t like you having lunch with another woman?
jorrocks - if your marriage is truely over (and your wife agrees with your assessment) go for it. But i you're in, you're in - cold feet will give you all of the guilt and handwringing with none of the upside. So make your bed and fook in it. Or stay in the old bed.
If you are still cohabiting with a woman to whom you are married then there is a simple choice to be made. Either have a pleasant meal and go home or tell your wife that you need to move out as this situation is affecting your mental health.
Dont cheat, that’s neither fair nor right. You are either in or out and as Linda said, any cage is very much of your own making.
If you choose to be out then get out before shagging anyone else.
Cheating is unnecessary Laz. It’s cowardice in its purest form. Either be faithful or end the relationship, not difficult at all. (With the exception of people who have a truly open relationship but this doesn’t seem to be the case here).
Jorrocks - what a deeply depressing way to live your life (if it is true re you and your wife, and you're not just hamming it up a bit for the entertainment of RoF).
I am not encouraging anything! Let's face it, he posted this to raise the suggestion he'd be at it. All I am saying is that he should make his own mind up but stop teasing us!
I think all the roffettes would agree that if a girl hasn’t emblozzed in a while, what she really really wants is to practice on the wrinkled old family retainer of an elderly gammon. See Clergs, supra
jorrocks - mate - no amount of there being an "understanding" of sorts between the Mrs and you is going to let this bonk / bj / bumbum slide. clean slate n all that.
Yeah tbf teclis that did sound sanctimonious the second time
I just think it's shitty behaviour to cheat on someone who loves you (appears not to be the case here) and deeply sad to stay with someone because of school fees and ski holidays and your posh kitchen that you'd miss
life is both too long and too short to be so profoundly miserable
I'm loving all the opprobrium on this thread. If there's one thing I've learned spending time with married people as I've got older it's that at least half of them seem to have been unfaithful in some manner. Amongst my parents' friends it's a challenge to come up with a list who haven't been in involved in some sort of extra-marital activity.
sailo...being common still won't take away the crash, pain, hurt whatever you want to call it when it surfaces. Human instincts are still the same thousands of years on.
BC and Coffers it generally hasn't proved an issue as to some extent it's just accepted that it's probably going to happen if you're together for 50 years as it's partly just human nature. I'm inclined to agree that it's not entirely realistic to expect two people to never be tempted over 50 years or more.
There's at least one couple where I grew up where people take bets on whether they'll turn up to an event together or individually or individually but each with someone else as nobody is ever quite sure what their deal is these days.
Lots of us socialise with oldies, Sails, and have honest and open conversations with them about all sorts of stuff. Your circle seems a bit fvcked up, tbh.
I don't socialise with them but glean all this from 30 minutes on the phone with my mother on a Sunday afternoon as the blow by blow account of life in Sussex generally involves the sexual proclivities of others. I can already see some of my friends going the same way as the divorces are starting and at least one is seeing a counsellor about his previous infidelity.
You "glean all this from 30 minutes on the phone with my mother on a Sunday afternoon as the blow by blow account of life in Sussex generally involves the sexual proclivities of others" when speaking to your Mother and don't think that's weird?
Go you mean your mother is even more boring and just talks about bog standard day to day stuff? It's the best I can do to pretend I'm paying attention when I'm getting salacious gossip.
Jorrocks, there are a lot of weird hangups about divorce but they are from an age when we didn't live quite so long or have quite so much time for contemplation.
I don't know if you should get divorced but I think you will regret it if you stay in a miserable marriage. I know the spectre of the single divorced dude in a bedsit is alarming but you're probably quite a good catch if you were free to date normally. Chicks dig lawyers for some reason
Point is don't pick misery out of fear
(But if you can remedy things by all means do that instead)
Lots of people cheat for perfectly understandable reasons eg working away for months/years. I have many friends who have worked offshore and they tell a lot of pretty fooked up stories.
my dad (who has) also had a friend in the navy (who was a naval doctor so obviously not weak willed) who even started a gay relationship with another officer and then eventually went back to his wife.
his kids even know this story.
he probably left the bumbum details out, though, when talking to them
She’ll tell him as soon as possible to watch him squirm. Then it’s going to get stabby stabby. He might not be “out of touch” much longer. Exciting re-union!
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Are you still married, Jorrocks?
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I am.
Mrs J isn’t my biggest fan at the moment though
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genuine question - why don't you just get divorced
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Why are you assuming she's interested in anything other than having dinner in Town?
From whom do you think you will get the bruising you think you are cruising for - your friend or his ex or your wife?
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Oh, sorry - now read your 11:14 - if your wife isn't your biggest fan at the moment then obviously you should go and get nuts deep in some other women ASAP. Free pass and fill yer boots.
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My advice is boff the MILF, present it to your wife as a positive achievement when you get home, wing it from there.
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Oh dear.
The wife is quite a good shot. If she took offence, would someone please check around my place for a shallow grave?
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@Linda, 3 children and 3 sets of school fees. Not much point getting divorced.
I have yet to see anyone make that work.
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My advice: fill yer boots, sun.
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Well you know me and I make it work. My divorce is great and we are both very happy with new partners - my ex husband is married, I am engaged.
there's every point in not spending your life living in quiet contempt for the sake of money but ok
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Ahh, delicious quiet contempt with an annual bonk. Welcome to Middle England.
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On the assumption you are not going to try to boff the MILF, there is nothing wrong with going for lunch with another person no matter how attractive she is.
Is the idea that your wife won’t like you having lunch with another woman?
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I suggest you try angling for a threesome with your wife and the MILF. Nothing can go wrong.
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Yeah I thought that but figured it was covered under "wing it".
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Hearing about these sorts of circs are the reason I've never married.
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This sort of sh1t is real. It happens. Trapped in a marriage with a partner you can't stand. Throw a frew kids into the mix? That's just not good.
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No one is trapped in a marriage like this. Most people's cages are of their own making.
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What ML said. In fact I saw a documentary about exactly this situation last night.
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It's dinner and I may have got myself into a bit of trouble already.
For an "amusing" reason, she has told me that she's long since out of practice at giving BJs.
I can pretty much guarantee I will get cold feet and be thoroughly awkward all evening.
I'm not good at this sort of thing.
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jorrocks - if your marriage is truely over (and your wife agrees with your assessment) go for it. But i you're in, you're in - cold feet will give you all of the guilt and handwringing with none of the upside. So make your bed and fook in it. Or stay in the old bed.
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If you are still cohabiting with a woman to whom you are married then there is a simple choice to be made. Either have a pleasant meal and go home or tell your wife that you need to move out as this situation is affecting your mental health.
Dont cheat, that’s neither fair nor right. You are either in or out and as Linda said, any cage is very much of your own making.
If you choose to be out then get out before shagging anyone else.
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lol@"simple choice to be made". Nothing simple about it.
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u can always rely on uncle tecco for some sage advice m99
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Bold move, Jorrocks. I reckon your missus will have your b0llox if she finds out.
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Jozza
You're going to fook her, so let's not fanny about with the will you / won't you stuff
Report back tx
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Cheating is unnecessary Laz. It’s cowardice in its purest form. Either be faithful or end the relationship, not difficult at all. (With the exception of people who have a truly open relationship but this doesn’t seem to be the case here).
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I'm not advising him to fook her I'm just predicting that he will m99
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@Glasserz, you are right.
I suspect it will be a rather colourless and innocent dinner.
As I said, I will undoubtedly get cold feet.
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Cold feet about? Does she think you're up for sex?
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do u reckon she is the type to ask u to put it in the bumbum?
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She's talking about BJs ffs. She totally down with it, no pun intended.
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Laz is hoping to vicariously cheat through Jorrocks heh.
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If you do go for it, it might make divorce proceedings quicker, on the plus side
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Or is he encouraging it to legitimise his own previous choices....? Who knows.
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Jorrocks - what a deeply depressing way to live your life (if it is true re you and your wife, and you're not just hamming it up a bit for the entertainment of RoF).
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I am not encouraging anything! Let's face it, he posted this to raise the suggestion he'd be at it. All I am saying is that he should make his own mind up but stop teasing us!
Sheesh
u guys
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Please live Rof dinner and the subsequent sex time.
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I m tempted to say Good Luck....but, well *clears throat * you know what I mean....
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^^^Is that English Home Counties enough for ya?
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have fun!
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When did Teclis become so sanctimonious?
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That wouldn't be weird and icky at all.
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It's the closest a lot of them get to action stix
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ooh @ dusty's 12.26
jorrocks - mate - no amount of there being an "understanding" of sorts between the Mrs and you is going to let this bonk / bj / bumbum slide. clean slate n all that.
plus how kids perceive you will matter
or sod all this...what clubbers said
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be a good friend and let her practice her BJ technique on you before she lets loose on Tinder
its not cheating it is teaching
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I don’t think it’s being sanctimonious to honour a promise that you have your word to in front of both your families.
Previously I wittered on about it being a holy vow in front of god. I don’t believe that stuff anymore.
But keeping and honouring your word that was witnessed by a lot of people still should carry a great deal of weight.
This has been my view always dux, I’ve expressed it here before, maybe you just never noticed before.
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Please no one ever say bumbum again,. Thank you.
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Heh@ Phoebe.
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@Jorrocks 11.20
Do you have a patio? It’s under which where most of the Brookside crowd or Hollyoaks ‘s residents used to end up, isn’t it? I was never sure.
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Yeah tbf teclis that did sound sanctimonious the second time
I just think it's shitty behaviour to cheat on someone who loves you (appears not to be the case here) and deeply sad to stay with someone because of school fees and ski holidays and your posh kitchen that you'd miss
life is both too long and too short to be so profoundly miserable
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You will (rightly or wrongly) chicken out and this will be a damp squib. Bah humbug.
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if you cheat on your wife you are a aunt and deserve divorce and potential loss of kid / father time.
do not go for dinner ffs
talk to wife
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Denton you are right, bah humbug to people who chicken out of meeting
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what my learned adversary Linda is saying here in 13.04
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Ahhhhhh... Consider the lily.
Depends though.
Some skiing holidays and kitchens bring great joy and family happiness.
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I'm loving all the opprobrium on this thread. If there's one thing I've learned spending time with married people as I've got older it's that at least half of them seem to have been unfaithful in some manner. Amongst my parents' friends it's a challenge to come up with a list who haven't been in involved in some sort of extra-marital activity.
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Sorry for you and your social and family circles, Sails.
Try to stay strong and have faith in good people.
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I have never cheated on anyone
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I've had a lovely kitchen and a shitty husband. I know which is better.
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Bumbum
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Leicester Sq. £22. 1989.
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I have never cheated on anyone ever. been in relationships for about 25 years of my life. never have never will
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sailo...being common still won't take away the crash, pain, hurt whatever you want to call it when it surfaces. Human instincts are still the same thousands of years on.
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BC and Coffers it generally hasn't proved an issue as to some extent it's just accepted that it's probably going to happen if you're together for 50 years as it's partly just human nature. I'm inclined to agree that it's not entirely realistic to expect two people to never be tempted over 50 years or more.
There's at least one couple where I grew up where people take bets on whether they'll turn up to an event together or individually or individually but each with someone else as nobody is ever quite sure what their deal is these days.
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You know way too much about the sex lives of octogenarians and need to spend less time socialising with your parents
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Wot Hoolz sed.
Lots of us socialise with oldies, Sails, and have honest and open conversations with them about all sorts of stuff. Your circle seems a bit fvcked up, tbh.
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Fairly bleedin' obvious what was going to happen when you started this thread on here wasn't it Jorrocks.
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definitely f*ck her, but save the bumbum for next time
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Tbf to sailo, wtf else is going to listen to his stories of winkidon
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Chambers - what's your position on bumbum?
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I don't socialise with them but glean all this from 30 minutes on the phone with my mother on a Sunday afternoon as the blow by blow account of life in Sussex generally involves the sexual proclivities of others. I can already see some of my friends going the same way as the divorces are starting and at least one is seeing a counsellor about his previous infidelity.
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You "glean all this from 30 minutes on the phone with my mother on a Sunday afternoon as the blow by blow account of life in Sussex generally involves the sexual proclivities of others" when speaking to your Mother and don't think that's weird?
M'kay.
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Sails is Alan Bennett AICM £5
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Go you mean your mother is even more boring and just talks about bog standard day to day stuff? It's the best I can do to pretend I'm paying attention when I'm getting salacious gossip.
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Jorrocks - I'm surprised this thread has made 80 posts and no-one has asked you to describe her Norks yet. Standards on RoF are definitely slipping!
As for your marriage situation - are you hanging around because you can't bear the thought of moving out / stress of divorce etc...?
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Shag her then call your friend
„yo, been seeing your ex n‘all. We’re now custard cousins yo, proper porridge pals innit. How you’re doin anyway?“
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Jorrocks, why are you doing this? To punish your wife; to feel in control; because you seriously really like this woman?
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A tad harsh, Kimmy?
I'm just nervous about taking a friend's ex-wife out for dinner.
Almost certainly, nothing untoward will happen... she is fit though.
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Just a bit of fun in your dotage
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But why are you doing it in the first place?
Just get divorced srsly. You've been in the same boat for 7 years now I think?
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Not meaning to be harsh, jorrocks - just a genuine Q.
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Doing what? I'm just taking someone out for dinner... honest...
Not 7 years, no. Divorce is just painful and expensive and probably wouldn't get me anywhere I particularly want to be
I'm not Clubbers!
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No you ain’t, you ain’t
luckily
not all brits are retarded! I keep telling myself and others
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Why does sailo need to ring his old dear - isn't she at the end of the badly gravelled drive?
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STOP BREAKING DOWN THE CAREFULLY CONSTRUCTED FOURTH WALL, WANG!
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Update needed. Did we get a nork description?
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In my mind she looks like the rectoress lady from The Witcher.
Back in five.
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Jorrocks, there are a lot of weird hangups about divorce but they are from an age when we didn't live quite so long or have quite so much time for contemplation.
I don't know if you should get divorced but I think you will regret it if you stay in a miserable marriage. I know the spectre of the single divorced dude in a bedsit is alarming but you're probably quite a good catch if you were free to date normally. Chicks dig lawyers for some reason
Point is don't pick misery out of fear
(But if you can remedy things by all means do that instead)
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If you got divorced, you have a very good shot at phoebes and maybe even clergs as they both like their octogenarians.
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Definitely the most troubling part of this is SS having chats with his octogenarian mother about the sex lives of said mother’s friends children.
And why is his elderly mater herself discussing the sex lives of their issue with her octogenarian pals?
Whats wrong with discussing Countdown and what a nice man Alan Titchmarsh is...?
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Lol. Weird and funny thread.
Lots of people cheat for perfectly understandable reasons eg working away for months/years. I have many friends who have worked offshore and they tell a lot of pretty fooked up stories.
my dad (who has) also had a friend in the navy (who was a naval doctor so obviously not weak willed) who even started a gay relationship with another officer and then eventually went back to his wife.
his kids even know this story.
he probably left the bumbum details out, though, when talking to them
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Then squirry the squirrel went "neep neep neep" and they all went home for tea
how lovely and completely normal that sounds mugen
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jesus. (a) Cru is here, and (b) wot tec said (for the first time ever).
Also (c) you will collect an ex-friend if he finds out, even if she is an ex-wife. There are places not to go, and that's surely one of them?
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A mate has married two ex gfs. Not wives admittedly.
wouldnt mind of a mate married an ex wife. Although I’d feel sorry for the mate in one of the cases tbh
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escers I once shagged a m8s then current girlfriend and stayed friends with him and not her
m8s b4 muff and all that
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DIVORCE IS ACE DO IT
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She’ll tell him as soon as possible to watch him squirm. Then it’s going to get stabby stabby. He might not be “out of touch” much longer. Exciting re-union!
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