Friend tried to kill herself

We had a get-together of friends from university at our house this weekend.  It was lovely.  We all said how nice it was that everything goes back to how it was even though we hadn't seen each other for so long.  The others got pissed, the kids played nicely and we even all went for a run on the Sunday morning.  

One friend has had a hard time of it lately.  She got caught playing away, and had a stressful separation from her husband.  Her kids resent her for what they see as ruining their lives and their father's life.  We all talked about it and she seemed ground down, but not desperate.  When I drove her back to the station she was smiling and happy on the surface.

She had a row with her new boyfriend last night which was so loud it woke the neighbours.  He stormed out, then went back and found her hanging.  She's in ICU in an induced coma and don't know whether she'll make it, or how injured she might be if she does.

Does anyone have any experience of this?  I want to be there for her and her family but I don't know what to do or what to say.  It's just all so utterly dreadful.

Well the short answer is, none of this is on you. 

omg this is awful. I can't really add any advice but would like to offer virtual hug.

Another virtual hug.  My only experience is with friends where their parents have killed themselves and just a case of being there to help if needed.

Jesus that's tough.  I suppose just be (and let them know you are) massively available to everyone concerned and what they want/need, and don't forget to look after yourself and the effect on you as well.  You might form a bit of a 'support group' with other friends in a similar position to you?  Could help disseminate information so family members aren't bombarded by everyone, and of course some of you may well be taking this harder than others  

Shite. Did you post about this situation before iirc?

Not a lot you can do tbh. Nothing for her at this stage. Send a message to husband (and kids if they are old enough) saying you’re there for them, make it clear you don’t expect a response. 
 

Pick up the phone and ask if there is anything practical you can do? Could you take the kids for an afternoon to play with yours? Make reheatable food so they don’t need to piss around cooking? Send groceries?

All you can say is your sorry about it all. They may not want to talk at all in which case respect that too. 

How old are the kids and how strained his her relationship with her ex-husband?

Sorry Warwick. Hope she is OK. ZG's advice is spot on there. Have luckily never had this experience personally, but many times professionally. She will need to see that she has options in life, so all you can do is support that.

Shit, that's awful. Agree ZG's advice was good.

Hope she pulls through and that her and her family can get over this, eventually.

Wot ZG sed.

And sympathies to you too coz this isn’t a nice thing to happen.  I think we’re all here when you need a sounding board or someone to just pour out to.

Pinko m88,

No relevant experience to offer you sun and I’ve no idea how I would deal with this awfulness, so all I can do is give you my sympathy for what sounds like an awful situation, for you and everyone else. Pls accept the least I can offer which is a big manly bear hug - being careful not to bump cocks of course, because that would call everything we value into question.

Horrible situation. Hope she is (physically) OK. If she has family support then there may not be much you can usefully do.  If she doesn't then just letting her know you are there might make a difference. 

 

 

sounds horrific. sorry to hear this

no advice, just sincere sympathies.

agree with the comments above about gently checking the ex-husband is ok who might well be feeling an awful mix of guilt and panic etc 

all the best

It doesn't look like she's going to come round.

Does anyone have any experience of good counsellors in this space for children?  I have looked up BACP people but if there is anyone in London / Essex who anyone has used who is very good I would be very grateful for recommendations.

Thanks

I'm so sorry warwick.

In the event, there's an excellent charity called child bereavement UK which will provide counselling without the NHS wait and other family support. A dear friend of mine is a trauma therapist who does a lot of work with children; she's west london if that's any good? also based in Hendon a day or so a week. You got a PM for me to give you her details? 

Sorry Warwick. That's awful. Take care of yourself.

Oh my goodness. Hoping for a miracle for her to pull through. But huge sympathies and hugs - what a shocking and dreadful situation. 

Sorry to hear that Warwick. Please make sure you are OK yourself - what a horrific turn of events.

I have posted this before, but it feels apt again now.

 

The Mower

BY PHILIP LARKIN

The mower stalled, twice; kneeling, I found   

A hedgehog jammed up against the blades,   

Killed. It had been in the long grass.

 

I had seen it before, and even fed it, once.   

Now I had mauled its unobtrusive world   

Unmendably. Burial was no help:

 

Next morning I got up and it did not.

The first day after a death, the new absence   

Is always the same; we should be careful

 

Of each other, we should be kind   

While there is still time.

I've been through this before, a long time ago.  Similar in that he was having a rough time but appeared to be coping, and survived the attempt initially.  No kids though.

I would strongly suggest speaking to someone with proper training on this - not just for the neutral support that you might need for your own reaction, but on what kind of things could be helpful for her/her family.  In my case, that sadly ended up being unnecessary as he didn't make it.  

She's had the feeding tubes taken out and is off the ventilator.  She's spoken to her mum on the phone.  She said she loves her, she feels so ill and she is very hot.  Long way to go, but it looks like she'll make it.  Thank fvck.

Thanks for all of the lovely messages on here everyone - they were much appreciated.

That’s great news. Hopefully she will make a full recovery and get some decent psych help (best hope she can pay because the NHS is absolutely useless for it).

Yes, excellent news. Thanks for the update on this awful event.  

that's great news. Any chance the kids weren't told the reason for her hospitalisation? I hope so for the sake of their mental health.

oh that's fantastic news, very very happy to hear this.

That is great news. Really hope she makes a full recovery. 

Really good news WH. Hope she continues to improve, and gets access to the appropriate mental health support once the acute crisis has passed.