En Suite etiquette

When you get up in the night for a wee (and only an ABSOLUTE MONSTER poos during the hours of darkness) - do you flush the loo or leave it until morning, lid down (so that the noise doesn't disturb your partner).

What csider said but to be fair the modern ones are so quiet that you'd sleep through it anyway.

Thinly veiled "I have a date this weekend" humblebrag

I h8 en suite bogs; I want a landing between where I sleep and where I shit 

I flush during the night but absolutely no way would I do a poo in the en suite with OH in the bedroom. There is a loo on each of the 3 floors of our house and ideally, I will go 2 floors above or below him if I can 

obvs he doesn't know I poo at all 


But for sake of not waking the 4 year old on the other side of the wall rather than the missus who would sleep through anything.

I flush too, but i have never had to do a poo in the middle of the night

There is a loo on each of the 3 floors of our house

ooh look at my huge gaff


"a loo on each floor" is unsubtle code for "I shit on the floor, whenever I feel like it". 

get your prostate checked,


she might be willing to do that for you

presumably members of team sane just wet the bed given this is their natural reaction the minute the government says they're not allowed to do something

That's nothing I have three loos on each floor of my house and one in the garden store for tradesmen.

Wait, you guys get out of bed to relieve yourselves? What a faff. 

:-/ @ you lot 

my house is probably the size of the cupboard some of you keep your watch collection in

by virtue of being tall and thin it does have a loo on each floor tho 

Oh curse my tall and thin, but with perfectly pert big boobs, existence.  

tbf I have a dedicated shitting toilet on the top floor of the house which is used exclusively by me

How many bathrooms did tecco towers have again? Was it 17?

When I need to go during the night I go in the ensuite which isn't even attached to our bedroom in order not to wake my other half up. Not a fan of letting it mellow.

RR, I think it was 23


It was more bathrooms than bedrooms if I remember correctly

I am tall and I do have large but pert breasts. I am not thin tho, curses 

I don't think 3 floors and 3 loos implies any kind of mansion - pretty standard modern townhouse design I think.

I’m in the 3 floors/3 loos brigade. It’s your bog (😉) standard new build townhouse set up. Nothing special or fancy at mine.

LP how's it an en suite if it's not connected to the room?  Are you turning into an estate agent just blending together random phrases without worrying about what they mean?

Hopefully the residents of that room don't mind a lady strolling through to use their en-suite...

The image of some people being woken up by you stumbling through then making terrible noises in their en-suite was more amusing.

Yeah obviously I wouldn't do it if we had guests.

But intrigued as to what "terrible noises" you imagine I make when I wee!

I have 3 floors and 3 bogs but 2 bogs on second floor. One on the ground, none on the top floor. Is that higher or lower in the order of things compared to Linda, three floor three bogs.

Summer maybe they shit in the servants en-suite?

LP I forget that women don't take the opportunity to let rip loudly whilst having a wee.  It's slightly more polite than just doing it in the bed.

This thread has forced me to post for the first time - I need answers to this question too but in a different context. My OH gets up at 6am, showers in the en-suite and generally bangs around making a load of noise listening to sport podcasts. I don’t need to get up until 7.30. He also does this if he gets in from work after I have gone to bed though without the shower. He point blank refuses to use our second bathroom. I think it is coming from a place of spite at my shorter working hours. I cant understand his irrational attachment to the en-suite at the detriment of my sleeping pattern. This has been going on for 3 years  - any suggestions ? 

To be honest I feel like divorce could be for the best. We recently lost our cleaner and he offered me £15 per hour to clean “his” en-suite which was kind of insulting. I also enjoyed his use of possession in relation to the en-suite when I contribute 50% to the mortgage. When we met he was just a pretty face with a student overdraft but generally a nice person, now he has an older face with a bit more money but can be quite a knob. 

Is this going to be the straw that breaks up your marriage? 

I think I would really hearing about your car crash relationship more myusername. He sounds like a cock.

I make full use of the en-suite whenever I please.

More intriguingly my house has a shared en-suite for the second and third bedrooms. It causes much awkwardness if we ever have w full house. 

I think, my username, you do need to have a frank and calm convo. Or set your alarm for 5am and run his last hour of sleep each day for a bit of perspective. 

If you shit in the shower in the en-suite before you got to bed he probably won’t use it.

Surprised it took to near 50 posts to get to the waffle stomp...

Well to be honest it is one of those very slow motion car crashes rather than a short sharp one as it is 10 plus years in the making, though the en suite issue only has occurred since we moved into the new house. Had I have known it was going to cause such an issue I probably would have thought harder about buying the new place and intertwining myself to him further financially. We have put the place up for sale but I feel like people can pick up on all the arguments we’ve had over the en-suite so we’ve had no offers, but I think that’s my best escape route.  I forgot to add that the £15 per hour I was going to be paid was going to come out of the joint account. Think that is probably an important detail.  If the people in the second and third bedroom end up walking into the en-suite at the same time how do you decide who gets to use it? 

Some great ideas here I will let you know how I get on 

Always flush. We're not animals.

Full disclosure I'm a light sleeper so use silicone earplugs and white noise machine (but there's a lot of street noise where we live too).

Thankfully I have not yet been asked to arbitrate in any dispute over usage of the ‘Jack and Jill’ bathroom.

We also have the main bathroom next door to the 3rd bedroom so I suspect in practice that the inhabitants of that bedroom tend to avoid conflict and use that bathroom. 

Actually hang on there is a problem with your suggestion summersails, he might not use the shower but then as the stand in cleaner I will have to clean up my own shit from the shower  - but I will get paid £15 (although as it’s from the joint account really only £7.50) I’m not sure it’s worth it?

that's utterly unacceptable behaviour, have you called him on it?

I reckon NB’s guests pay piss, shit, shower which is like rock, paper scissors...

Next time you have a full house say the other bathroom is out of order for the lolz

Our new house we move into next week is like Linda's 3 floors with 4 bathrooms; I've commandeered the large family bathroom near my new office. Giving my spouse the en-suite to the master bedroom. We will be fine.

On this posters dilemma, honestly if you can have a conversation about the problem and say that you would like him to stop, and he doesnt want to change his pattern at all despite it being easily fixed, then you need some counselling and potentially a new partner.

It's not about the bathroom, its about being a considerate, caring person to your spouse.

Silicone round the bath, but always fill the bath before you re-apply. Thanks for playing. 

What kind of monsters get up in the middle of the night to do enormous poos? You all disgust me  

otoh, whichever poster is deliberately going to a different loo - why??! Surely your other half isn’t so delicate as to worry about a wee?!

our en suite has a sort of walk through cupboard type thing so 2 doors and some space between the bedroom and the bathroom. Just a bit of extra buffer zone. 

Oooh get Tc with the dressing room

can anyone do better?

1. the op confirms only a monster shites by night

2. It's not about fear/worry of being seen as having bodily functions, it's the noise of waking someone with a 4am flush. 

It’s not a fancy dressing room it’s a sort of corridor with cupboards on either side. A buffer zone gauntlet style thing. 

I don’t flush in the night. Mind you I don’t really get up to wee in the night - is this a middle aged roffer thing? 

Blimey you lot are considerate, all still in the honeymoon phase then...

Fuck em and flush I say!

otoh, whichever poster is deliberately going to a different loo - why??! Surely your other half isn’t so delicate as to worry about a wee?!

It's not that, it's the noise of flushing and running water that wakes him up.

Toronto I've never slept through the night without at least once waking up and then I tend to go for a wee because once I'm awake I'm conscious of the need to go.

This thread reminds of my second year flat at uni where I had the room next to the bathroom and flatmates who tended to leave the door open if they were just having a whizz.  After a few months I could identify each of them just from the sounds.

As my group of uni friends hit 40 recently, this topic came up and the nurse among us pointed out that around now prostates get bigger in men and the pelvic floor muscles or something get weaker/drop in women, which means that bladder urgency in the night can and does wake people up.

Maybe the lovely TC just hasn't hit our advanced age yet :(

I always pee right before bed, and never get up to go in the night unless I've been very stupid with my fluid intake (or been drinking pints all night which yeah)


C-man we'll have to meet for an ale once you are installed, take advantage of our T1 status 

is this a middle aged roffer thing

For me it's probably a pregnant thing, but I also have a bad habit of not drinking enough water during the day and then in the evening I remember and overcompensate.

I had to go to the loo at 3am (which I never do!) and I blame this thread moving into my subconscious.