do you ever wonder how you will die?

inspired by leftellout's post about his vegan friend being crushed by a lorry

what do you reckon will get you in the end?

I've spent a decade worrying about that but recently turned a corner and am focused on the good that will occur before that unfortunate interruption. However, that is not going to defeat me, as I shall continue to enjoy the beauty of human endeavour, the natural world and the energy of existence from the fourth dimension.  

I'm hoping it would be something catastrophic that signals the end of the world--like what did the dinosaurs in.

Im with PP, i'd like a statement death that resulted in millions if not billions of people being wiped from the earth

No I don't but there was a bit in Madame bovary about how flicking through a diary she suddenly realised that one of these dates would one day be the date of her death; fair creeped me out 

I often dream that I am dying and usually it happens when I am skiing in a dream, going along quite happily, then suddenly I fall off the edge of a very sheer mountain face.

Usually I bounce off the floor a few times and continue skiing through the air before bouncing off the edge of another sheer face and then, eventually I don't bounce and I wake up, with a massive adrenalin boost, shocked at my own painful demise.

I often dream that I am dying and usually it happens when I am skiing in a dream, going along quite happily, then suddenly I fall off the edge of a very sheer mountain face.

Usually I bounce off the floor a few times and continue skiing through the air before bouncing off the edge of another sheer face and then, eventually I don't bounce and I wake up, with a massive adrenalin boost, shocked at my own painful demise.

I’ll go down clutching an almost completed TP1 and an unsigned CHAPS form

Weird to think isn't it, hoolz. Being old must really suck for this purpose. At least statistically it's unlikely to be in a 2019/20 diary year for the non old.

There is no death as we know it, just documents changing hands.

I imagine myself dying drunk in my sleep like my uncle Jim.

And not screaming in terror like the passengers in the plane he was flying at the time.

In my own bed, at the age of 80 with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock

Gross 

If men didn't delude themselves into thinking this is how it will go euthanasia would be allowed

I often actually think about how everyone else will die, and once I finish masturbating I get back over to my desk and jump on this

A lot of people are found dead while having a wank

True fact right there

Like, a lot

By family members usually but other times the police or paramedics

Several a day 

Choked to death on food from an exclusive London restaurant.

Muttley and Rham with two very different reactions to my comment, rhambo wins that one

I have recurring dreams about being in a plunging plane about to crash - each time the though goes through my head after all those dreams this time it is really happening - then I wake up.  Not before however a moment of serenity rather than panic which touch wood means when it comes I won’t find facing death too difficult 

my .48 was to the Queenie image

You mean the Tyrion Lannister image?

This puts me in mind of a Billy Connelly skit: when caught having furious tug by the other half, he shouts "thank god you're here, there's a massive spider on my willy and I cannae get rid of it".*

*Please read in a glaswegian voice**

** weirdly,  my mind's eye pictures this happening in my parents' end suite in the house I grew up in.***

*** Ideal standard, babyshyt yellow, with our only shower****

**** I think because that door had no lock for some reason

I'll die of shame and/ or self loathing, probably.

3-ducks21 Nov 19 16:07

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Mauled by a dinosaur.

 

-----babelfish translates ----->

I will wank myself so hard that there will be nothing left but a spot of smouldering tar

Nope, because I am numerate, and can do simple stats, and before pricing health insurance looked up the top causes of death of my age cohort in this country. I am going to die of heart disease, stroke, pneumonia, dementia, respiratory  disease or one of three cancers, and so are all  of you. 

So have fun now, and be a decent kind human being.

I am going to die of suicide and at least a couple of roffers are definitely going out by autoerotic asphyxiation so nice try smart guy. Plus one in a moaty style standoff.

It definitely won't be peaceful I'd die screaming insanely if trapped in this meatsuit until then

Also I text while crossing the road so feels unlikely

You wouldnt dare make a scene in front of your grandchildren clergs.

you are totes going to outlive RoF and die peacefully... 

Dude I'm more than halfway to the biblically allotted period and zero seconds of it gave been peaceful. Zero seconds.

you are way younger than I am and don’t understand peacefully...

also, when are we meeting for a drink?

I'm 55 in man years

My boss from Newcastle has quit and I am gutted, he was such a sound guy. Maybe I will honour him with a trip and we can go to that train station place I remember as being lovely but maybe I was drunk.

The Moaty ROF one will be Guy.

Who will have disappeared into the woods 30 minutes before Gazza turns up with a chicken sandwich announcing "Haway, man, had ya push - that micey gadgie can nee radgie - divvin' shoot ya gob off man, ya propa wazzock."

I never think about how I’ll go but I assume that at the end I’ll be elderly and thinking that life happened very quickly. 

No. Never. I worry about a lot of shit that’s probably less rational to worry about, but not this.

Rhamnousia21 Nov 19 14:51

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A lot of people are found dead while having a wank

True fact right there

Like, a lot

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It is very likely I will die from a stroke.

ah bollocks.  someone else made the joke better than me above.

 

Soz.

 

Betty22 Nov 19 04:58

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I never think about how I’ll go but I assume that at the end I’ll be elderly and thinking that life happened very quickly. 
 

samesies

 

i already think this. The days are long but the years are short 

Never wondered, don't care - it'll happen when it happens (I just hope my wife goes first so she doesn't have to grieve).

Dementia is a pretty good bet. Hope not as I'm pretty sure I will be a total twat to look after.

Reading about Brexit on the shitter prolly

I hope to die in battle so I can get to Valhalla and quaff with the big Odo.  Do you think dying whilst playing Pokemon GO would be sufficient?

Does anyone still play Pokemon GO? My kids wanted to do it when it came out but were too young.

I'm now two years younger than my dad was when he croaked and two years younger than my maternal grandfather was when he croaked.  Probably best not to take up any hobbies which take a long time to learn. 

Faaark buzz.

Best switch to cider rather than lager as it is well known that fruit is healthy and generally good for you.

so you've got about two years then buzz, I suggest committing crimes with life sentences for the banter

I am the same age that my father was when he died, and older than my mother was when she was widowed. I have an unhealthy obsession with my children getting to older than I was before they lose a parent, not like I can do anything about it, but every birthday I think, “Yes, we are closer to making it.” Every ache, every pain, I assume I have cancer because, hey, it happened to our family, no reason why it shouldn’t happen again. 1 in 2 get cancer so that’s me or my husband.

Anyway - if it’s not that, it will probably be dementia. 

I hate that so many people get cancer but the formal policy remains "die in agony"

Oh just cheer up you massive black hole.

If you want to be miserable then fine, but why go to such lengths to inflict it on everyone else?

strutter this is a thread about how people think they will die

if you are too stupid to anticipate what it's going to be about then maybe you should think about handing in your driver's licence etc

and maybe if people like you weren't such smug cunts the policy would improve - your head in the sand isn't everything JOLLY is why 50% of the folk you know will die pleading for better morphine

(I am not sure if I have converted the probabilities correctly there)

So you make your comment about how you think you are going to die (or even better a joke - just imagine that) and move on, rather than the constant negative droning about pain and pointlessness and doing yourself in.

Also the miserableness comment wasn’t just about this thread - it is about your whole output. This thread is just an extreme example.

Bit rich you accusing anyone else of droning. Don't come on my threads if you don't like them. Indeed feel free not to post anything yourself it's invariably dreadful and sometimes a bit gorge-inducing. But I will continue to ignore them if you'd prefer to keep at it.

also absolute heh at the suggestion that I can't do jokes and you can

absolute humourless heh

you are as funny as the cancer we were just discussing

I am calling time on your pretending to find horrible things funny, tiger

Will you guys stop flirting pls.  Clergs, he is too young for you.  Strutz, she is out of your league.

I know I have just been insulted but I can't quite work out HOW

Ah well, you do it your way and I’ll do it mine.

And I know who will have a better time of our brief spans on Earth.

Later miseryguts.

Peacefully in my sleep, like my grandad.  Not yelling and screaming, like the passengers in his car. 

yeah if you were happy you wouldn't behave like you do but if the shell offers you succour whatever it's better than doing murders in silky knickers

pretending?? okay aside from the cancer, all the other horrible things have been genuinely hilarious

you are not even the first person to use that one, pedro, soz

rham, on serious note, I have heard your attractive from other roffers which alone is a good enough reason for you to want to stay alive, so why on earth are you so depressed about everything and trying to kill yourself

Ah, so my jolly outgoing exterior and general contentment with the world means that I am actually quite unhappy on the inside? That’s the theory, yes?

So by that logic on the inside you are basically the most upbeat person around.

Have I got that right?

Rhamnousia. Suicide? Your previous misanthropic posts indicate you are entering a spiral. You also mentioned going up to Scotland.

If you are found dead there, RoF can inform the Procurator Fiscal not to order a murder inquiry, but ask the OIC to log into RoF. Inquest opened and closed immediately.

In my case, my demise would be drink-related. War and terrorism hasn't got me (I've lived through both). So it must be drink.

Hahaha this is not how FAIs work but I wouldn't like rof to be led in them tbf

Just to cheer you all up, I will die from deliberate inhalation of an inert gas at a time and place of my own choosing.

Ive got the bits for it and everything, I’m just too lazy and there is still sex to be had.  When my winky stops working, get the condolence cards ready.

The tension between Strutter and Rham on this thread is fookin electric

its like that bit in Basic Instinct with the ice pick under the bed

There's very little we can do about our inevitable demise so just sit down and kick on in the meanwhile.

 

Then out spake brave Horatius,
The Captain of the Gate:
“To every man upon this earth
Death cometh soon or late.
And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds,
For the ashes of his fathers,
And the temples of his gods…

Having given it further thought, I’d like to die in an ill conceived stunt on a live Saturday evening show hosted by Noel Edmonds. 

I don’t care how... just so long as it is quick. 

After suffering through 3 years of intense medical bullshit I really just wouldn’t want to do that again.