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Divorced / chances of custody

I wrote on the old ROF board about the issues I was having with my wife. Married 7 years, 2 young children. But my wife is behaving increasingly erratically; horrible mood swings and very sensitive, and shouting at everyone. 

The situation hasn't improved and I'm not able to take her mood swings. She is either ranting at everyone or she is crying / sobbing that I have ruined her life. 

If we were to divorce what are the changes of me, as the father getting custody of the children. She says she wants a divorce but her opinion of what she wants to go with the children changes; sometimes she'll say she wants to go back to India with the kids and other times she says she will go on her own. Other times she says she will move out and live somewhere  on her own, other time she says she will take the kids. Other times she says she will go and live on the street, and she doesn't care.

If we were to divorce what are the changes of me, as the father getting custody of the children. 

Unless she voluntarily abandons them, not good I think. You would have a better chance if you could get a diminished / impaired mental capacity diagnosis (her, not you obvs).

Unless you can swing either of the above, Ct. will likely take into account that you work FT & long hours and adversely consider that as being against what is bests for the children.

Sad position, good luck & best wishes.

 

Be very very very careful.  I would immediately advise the home office that your wife is a foreign national and has made threats of overseas abductions.

Indian women can be absolute demons when they get like that.  I hate to say this but there is no going back now, you need to move forward without her being a part of your thinking.  She will be devious and manipulative and you will think things are fine and then *BAM* she just convinced you to buy her a new car which she has just used to leave you in (actually happened to me for reals).

I would honestly act now, get a place of your own where she doesn't have the address and leave for it while you still can, taking the children with you.  She wants to dramatically blather on about being on the street? Fine, let her see the reality of it.  Do not let her back into your life though, keep her at arms length and let her have the absolute bare minimum.  She will be telling everyone how horrendous you are to her, might as well make it legit.

Indians are more racist than white people, they view us as sub human.  You are just a 'Gora' in her eyes.  And her family's eyes.  If she has a brother, he will always be the light of her life, then her mother and father.  You come a very distant penultimate (Behind all other Goras [lit - White People] who haven't paid for anything).

Be. Careful.

My first wife took the kids back to America with her. With my blessing, the best thing for them as it turned out. Not uncommon for me to get a knock on the door these days. 'Hi Dad, just thought I'd drop by.'

From Seattle. 

who's doing all the childcare at the moment?

the tests for any decision are set out in s1 of the children act, but in practice the status quo wins out to start off with - as it's what the children are used to.

 

Clubbers has all the practical experience you need for this. You should listen to him as well as the various ROF family lawyers. And speak to someone - you don’t need to be in the middle of a divorce to spend a few hundred quid and have a couple of hours consultation with a good lawyer. 

 

I am not a family lawyer but That said it it seems to me that you will benefit from being able to establish lots of evidence showing her mental instability. Keep detailed records and if you can get witnesses who are willing to testify to it even better (and if they are independent witnesses that’s great). And the more you do with the kids now and the more you are part of their lives now, the better it will be to establish the status quo that will later be maintained. 

 

Do you just just come home at night in time to kiss them good night? Or do you do school drop off and arranging play dates and know their teacher and all that stuff?

If you can wait until the youngest is 13 the children may well choose to live with you and their choice be respected and until then lead pretty separate lives in the same house and just put up with your life.

 

And/or in the meantime build up much more contact with the children, more times away just you and then at some weekends, perhaps if she doesnm't work full time encouraging the wife into full time work and you getting home first most days to collect them from nursery, do a lot more housework etc so that the pattern is you the domestic one with masses of child contact and she not doing much at all.

Make sure you know where their passports are at all times and that she cannot apply for a second passport for them and if necessary if you part apply for a prohibited steps order to stop her taking them back to India even for holidays as you may not see them again. If you live near your parents get them to be in the house quite a bit - you could even move your mother into the marital home which is not that unusual and would also start a process of stability and a norm for the children of a daily relationship with your side of the family and keeping an eye on the wife with the problems. if she is Indian she probably is used to a set up where you live with the husband's parents anyway.

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