I'd suggest going on the BACP website if you haven't already. What might appeal to one couple may not appeal to another. Obviously both partners need to agree that they seem the right fit, so recommendations may not be the best way to do it.
I’d forgotten just how much fun couples therapy is.
As a man the prospect of sitting in a room with two other people and discussing feelings and relationships is almost too much joy to process in one sitting.
Are you each in individual therapy already? I ask as there are 2 potential areas that may need work, and both shouldn't be your goal from couple's therapy
In individual therapy, you can seek help with working on things you exhibit that harm your relationships in any aspect of your life
In couple's therapy, you can both seek help together with working on things in your relationship that harm your relationship
DV - as Tom said, a scan of the BACP sit is v helpful. Also maybe try a few and see if they click. I asked our in-house therapist and was recommended Siobhan McCarthy in Dulwich Village.
And bravo on seeking advice. If any spreadsheet keepers think that a weakness, how terribly small of them.
All depends on what stage they are at, how psychologically stable each is, how socially capable each is, which patterns have been established in handling conflicts and problems, how they communicate with each other, whether each comes from a stable home, whether each had healthy attachments to their primary caregivers in childhood, whether each suffered destablising traumas in childhood that led to abnormal brain development, and so on and so on
No therapist can fix things They can guide, they can rolemodel conversations and behaviours, they can devise strategies, they can support, but the couple has to be capable of individual and group healthy functioning and cooperation
Some research suggests 4 main contributors to divorce are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling as communication methods Whilst all relationships will include these, healthy relationships are suggested to exhibit these to a minimum, and their use in healthy relationships is so extraordinary, that couples are thought to immediately seek to repair harm caused because of being conscious of the gravity of the violation in using criticism, defensiveness, contempt or stonewalling
Without going into details bad patterns have been going on for far too long and it just feels like we can't tell each other what to do but a third party saying "please try this" and us trying hard to follow and hope it changes behavior will help.
Are you each attending individual therapy? If not, that plan above is unlikely to result in any improvement You have to each get to the bottom of why you're behaving as you are, what triggers are coming up from your childhoods, what affected your developmental trajectories in childhood, that you're not using to fuel your behaviour in adulthood, what behavioural patterns you've established in life generally for handling everyday ups and downs, why you think what you think about finances and intimacy, how much of a role dependency or abuse plays in your psychological functioning, the physical health of you each, and so on
"Just following" isn't a reasonable approach, because a therapist cannot give us a script for every possible eventuality in life
None of the above is the work for couple's therapy
DV - I seem to remember some issues surrounding work too. I can wholeheartedly recommend some work with Jon Coppin at MoultCoppin.com. It may be a question of giving you space to breathe and be receptive. An echo, really of Horace's point above.
20 years ago Mrs P and I needed some guidance. Without it we probably wouldn’t still be together. We Struck lucky with Relate.
Sometimes the glove no longer fits. Sometimes maybe it never really did but if you’ve known really good times and not just sex don’t take them for granted. They imply the possibility of longevity.
And if you regard the idea of resolving differences as excruciating whilst it ain’t easy you might just need to grow a pair.
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just check a public phone box. you'll see some specialists that cover couples.
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I'd suggest going on the BACP website if you haven't already. What might appeal to one couple may not appeal to another. Obviously both partners need to agree that they seem the right fit, so recommendations may not be the best way to do it.
https://www.bacp.co.uk/
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I’d forgotten just how much fun couples therapy is.
As a man the prospect of sitting in a room with two other people and discussing feelings and relationships is almost too much joy to process in one sitting.
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0
Are you each in individual therapy already? I ask as there are 2 potential areas that may need work, and both shouldn't be your goal from couple's therapy
In individual therapy, you can seek help with working on things you exhibit that harm your relationships in any aspect of your life
In couple's therapy, you can both seek help together with working on things in your relationship that harm your relationship
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DV - as Tom said, a scan of the BACP sit is v helpful. Also maybe try a few and see if they click. I asked our in-house therapist and was recommended Siobhan McCarthy in Dulwich Village.
And bravo on seeking advice. If any spreadsheet keepers think that a weakness, how terribly small of them.
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A full “heh!” for Kaulbach
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I would definitely just split up instead of doing this
the awkwardness and irritation is hard to imagine
good luck tho
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All depends on what stage they are at, how psychologically stable each is, how socially capable each is, which patterns have been established in handling conflicts and problems, how they communicate with each other, whether each comes from a stable home, whether each had healthy attachments to their primary caregivers in childhood, whether each suffered destablising traumas in childhood that led to abnormal brain development, and so on and so on
No therapist can fix things They can guide, they can rolemodel conversations and behaviours, they can devise strategies, they can support, but the couple has to be capable of individual and group healthy functioning and cooperation
Some research suggests 4 main contributors to divorce are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling as communication methods Whilst all relationships will include these, healthy relationships are suggested to exhibit these to a minimum, and their use in healthy relationships is so extraordinary, that couples are thought to immediately seek to repair harm caused because of being conscious of the gravity of the violation in using criticism, defensiveness, contempt or stonewalling
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Thanks all.
Without going into details bad patterns have been going on for far too long and it just feels like we can't tell each other what to do but a third party saying "please try this" and us trying hard to follow and hope it changes behavior will help.
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https://www.sarahfletchercoupletherapy.co.uk/
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Are you each attending individual therapy? If not, that plan above is unlikely to result in any improvement You have to each get to the bottom of why you're behaving as you are, what triggers are coming up from your childhoods, what affected your developmental trajectories in childhood, that you're not using to fuel your behaviour in adulthood, what behavioural patterns you've established in life generally for handling everyday ups and downs, why you think what you think about finances and intimacy, how much of a role dependency or abuse plays in your psychological functioning, the physical health of you each, and so on
"Just following" isn't a reasonable approach, because a therapist cannot give us a script for every possible eventuality in life
None of the above is the work for couple's therapy
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DV - I seem to remember some issues surrounding work too. I can wholeheartedly recommend some work with Jon Coppin at MoultCoppin.com. It may be a question of giving you space to breathe and be receptive. An echo, really of Horace's point above.
Good luck
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20 years ago Mrs P and I needed some guidance. Without it we probably wouldn’t still be together. We Struck lucky with Relate.
Sometimes the glove no longer fits. Sometimes maybe it never really did but if you’ve known really good times and not just sex don’t take them for granted. They imply the possibility of longevity.
And if you regard the idea of resolving differences as excruciating whilst it ain’t easy you might just need to grow a pair.
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