Could we ever fall in love?

This question was posed to me this morning by an ex who keeps trying to take me out to lunch/coffee. I have yet to accede to his requests and this was rather out of the blue, particularly given the fact that he has always been rather commitment phobic.

Is this a new tactic? Does he just want to bang me?

Do men potentially change in their late 30s and decide they want relationships?

Should I bang him regardless?

Answers on a post card...

Is this a new tactic?

Sounds like it is a new stance for him 

Does he just want to bang me?

possibly.  Possibly he *also* wants to bang you 

Do men potentially change in their late 30s and decide they want relationships?

yes. Sometimes  

Should I bang him regardless?

if you want to and you're prepared for it to be no more than that 

Go for it Meh . At least the coffee/drink part. What do you have to lose?

And yes men change as do women. 

As for sex anyways, if you're both still attracted to each other and single, why not?!

As an aside I don't really count someone as a proper ex unless (at least at the time) I thought we had loved each other. 

Was this a verbal question, or did was it made in print? 

At the time I thought we did. It wasn't an overly long relationship, just under a year. But it was pretty intense.

There have been brief dalliances since we broke up 9 years or so ago but I've not gone back there for a few years now because I'm not really interested in hook-ups.

Kaul, it was in a text, entirely unprompted and about 20 minutes after he'd sent me another text which was unrelated.

Also, I should qualify the should I bang him question by adding that I am currently straddling the longest dry patch known to meh since records began.

Tactic? Maybe

Want to bang you? Undoubtedly

Could he have changed? Possible

Should you bang him? If you want but don't assume anything about his longer term intentions yet. Best to be clear with him what you want and see what happens.

"Kaul, it was in a text, entirely unprompted and about 20 minutes after he'd sent me another text which was unrelated."


he was probs drunk then 

The guy is having second thoughts about having dumped you, having discovered that the grass is not greener

No, he didnt send that because he wants to bonk you 

PS there’s no such thing as just wanting to bang you.

An offer of bangage is not something a gentleman undertakes lightly. It’s the result of many weeks of careful thought and consideration. 

It was 7.30 am on a Monday morning so suspect not drunk.

All of you are poss right but I've had plenty of those kind of texts from exes looking for a nostalgia shag 

No but it doesn't mean happily ever after either. 


Im not saying she shouldn't do it 

Just ask him if he wants a relationship or just a bang. keep it simple and you might just get the truth

I do worry about the wording, having had a moment to think.  Could we ever fall in love?  I mean what kind of a question is that anyway?  Is he asking you if you could fall in love with him? Or is he trying to see if you could put up with his commitment phobia long enough for him to deign to fall in love with you?

You May want to consider that he might be getting broody/lonely and is reminiscing with rose tinted glasses about someone he used to be very fond of but didn’t manage to make it work the first time with.

Men don’t want to be left on the shelf either yaknow and we hit certain points in our life where we think we should already be married, sprogged, etc.  tread carefully I think.  He might think that’s what he wants right now but it may not be the case when the moon next changes or something.

Do men potentially change in their late 30s and decide they want relationships? 


of course they do, a lot. sleeping around in your 20s is fun and the done thing. in your 30s you're looking for a partner and often men think back and wonder with whom they had a nice convo, a good time, who is partner material rather than sechsy time only

Men change but in my experience if you went out with someone for a year and weren't in love with them you won't magically fall in love with them by going out with the again.  

Against all the received wisdom about us men being sex-obsessed neanderthals, we do actually reach a point when we want to settle down.  The bigger question is whether he's really matured/missing you, or whether he's lonely and after a quick jump.  Proceed with caution by all means, but that doesn't mean don't proceed. 

Urggh.  I can't believe I may have posted something vaguely helpful.  Can we talk about boobs now, please?

The man who sent the text sounds like a desperate and tragic freak. 

The fact you are not now blocking him suggests you two have a lot in common. 


It's tactical.  If he loved you, he could say it, rather than attempt to make it a tantalizing prospect after, of course, he's banged you.

He just sounds horribly romantic to me.  I'd have phrased the message more along the lines of reckon if we get back together we can stay together for 30 years without killing each other?

"horribly romantic"


I bet you wrote really shit poems in 6th form. 


He is staring a lonely life alone.

It's a bit like Crispin Blunt asking the Brexit Party to form an arrangement with the doomed Conservative Party

Wibble I gave up writing any kind of poetry long before then.

Hmmm... I've looked back at messages earlier this year and they seem to follow the same narrative but I think I just dismissed them as standard twattery before. Maybe he is genuine.

I guess at the very least I can bang him without feeling quite so guilty about it.

Heh, this is going to end really well with absolutely no tears.  Nothing can go wrong.

Do you still love him and had always wanted the two of you to be together? He is banking on that. 

You will make him feel really speshul by confessing that you asked the orange oracle about him.

this might sound a bit mean, sorry:

Was it not tongue in cheek? It just sounds a bit soppy to send out of the blue.

Sounds to me like he’s going through his list of side bitches to see if he can get lucky with any of them.

I guess at the very least I can bang him without feeling quite so guilty about it

can someone of the female persuasion explain this to a thick man - I thought Meh was wondering if the guy was 'for real' or just trying to get laid. Now if he's being real it's just a thing which legitimises Meh shagging him and then dumping him. Which is it? I'm confuseddotcom 

We need more soppiness in the world imo.

"Lower deck sentimentality" as the rather pompous C S Forrester put it.

Do I still love him? In a way, yes. In the way that you might love someone you once love loved if that makes sense? I don't need to be with him, I'm quite accustomed to the way that things are but I do care about him. Is he banking on it? I don't know. He seems to be aware that I'm largely done with it all and that I'm not up for game playing anymore.

I will not be telling him anything about RoF. 

I'd have thought it was tongue in cheek if it were not for the timing. Also when I tried to make a joke of it and asked since when had he been interested in love, he responded, "Since I've been looking for it."

You know you're going to do it

He knows you're going to do it

We all know you're going to do it.

Just get on and do it (and have fun)

He sounds like a bit of a fanny tbh but there's no harm shagging him if you're not going to get hurt (who dumped who and were you hurt? If so do not)

You have it clear in your head lassie. You know you are not the same or in the same Spot where things were 9 years ago.


Just go and meet him and if he has other ideas you know you have an early morning meeting.