anyone got experince of adopting, if so why did you go down that route?

One of my best friends did.  It was pretty horrifying.  Lots of probing questions and endless meetings with bastard social workers.  Only do it if you really, really want a child and absolutely cannot have one yourselves. 

Badman , not for me but a family member who is thinking about it.i imagined it would be just like you said , sounds grim 

Yep - pretty invasive.  And even when you've got through it all, there's still follow-up visits, etc..  And if you want to adopt another, you have to go through it all again from scratch. 

 

They even ask you questions like, "would you adopt a child from another faith, and if so, would you encourage them to keep that faith?".  All bollocks.

Some friends did it and found it a gruelling process

Process aside, they adopted a boy and then his younger sibling. Younger sibling was with them from birth and easy. Older sibling was already a mess when he arrived which was tough.

having now seen social services in action from another perspective I’d be very worried about it generally. I am not sure that all care and placement orders that are made are necessarily right , and that would worry me

 

Clubbers surely that’s the trick to adopt when they are very young. Couple of close friends were adopted at 18 months or so 

yes. At 8 months. Long story but totally worth it. 

A friend of mine tried to over about 4 years and it eventually destroyed his marriage. The council insisted on a number of works being done to their house before they could be considered so they ended  up moving. A suitable child was found for adoption, they met her a few times, and a week before she was due to move into her now furnished bedroom, the family changed their mind and kept her. They then went back to the bottom of the list. They were then offered another child but were told that the child's nursery and name could not be changed and they could not move more than 10 miles from the mother's house which, given their orior experience put them off completely.

One of them then gave up but the other didn't want to, hence divorce.

I don't know if that is typical of every local authority but it was horrendous for them.

a friend was asked whether she and her husband would start using contraceptives and stop trying for a baby if they succeeded with the adoption.

On so many levels.....

I don't have any kids adopted or otherwise.  I have adopted both a dog and an inclination to wear a hat at a jaunty angle but that's about it. 

Ah, I saw you this morning Buzz. Took a pic cos I liked your dog...

 

Image result for pete doherty dog

I adopted some articles of association once.

*ponders quality of joke*

*kills self*

Friend of mine just completed an adoption. Totally gruelling and she had one placement fall through at the last minute as the birth parents changed their minds (!). 

This time she met the birth parents to check they were ok - the girl was the youngest of 6 siblings, all of whom had been given up at birth and adopted out (to different adopted parents). Not sure why - only know it wasn’t for drugs related reasons. Unbearably sad for all those kids when they grow up and find out. 

Massive respect for those who do it - I’m not sure I could. 

We briefly looked into it.  The intrusiveness of the process was really off-putting.

Also, I was uncomfortable with it as back in my junior days I worked on a forced adoption case.  The parents absolutely shouldn't have had the child taken away - they had their faults but it was pretty obvious to me that they were not insurmountable.  The courts eventually agreed but a huge amount of damage had been done by that point.  This was always at the back of my mind - I wouldn't have wanted my happy family to be at the expense of ripping someone else's apart.  I know of course that many children are removed for good reason or relinquished voluntarily but this case nagged at me.  

One of my schoolmates was adopted.  He found out during a heated argument with his dad in his late teens.  Properly fucked him up, tell them not to do that shit.

In happier news he now lives in thailand and a few of us are trying to decide if his wife is, know, ‘with added extras’ as it were.

Son, we've something to tell you.  You were adopted.

I knew it! I want to meet my natural parents.

No son, you misunderstand, we are your natural parents. Your new ones are arriving in 10 minutes.  We've packed your bags.

I, on the other hand used to wish I’d been adopted and my real parents had been rich explorers who had crashed on a desert island and were coming back for me any day now.

Yeah, Enid Blyton was quite the architect of my dreams.

Friends of mine tried it.  

Eventually (and I mean after years of intrusive questions and visits) they were told they were too white, rich and middle class by the relevant local authority.

Very stressful for them as it came on top of years of failed IVF.

Friend went through it in Cyprus. Not unduly stressful, but the social worker had lists of questions 

The real stumbling block was that everyone wants a very young child. But to do that they wanted you to take on an older ' troubled' one as well

https://youtu.be/jUHEqqWGJEk

The English adoption system is very hostile to wannabee adoptive parents.  A strong degree of scrutiny is required, but the system is more than that, it is actually hostile.  That means that children that might have been adopted instead live in foster care and residential care until adulthood, which is much worse for them.  

The English adoption system is additionally MORE hostile to wannabee adoptive parents who are white, middle-class and over thirty.  A bit odd, because these people would usually be good adoptive parents.  

I have no explanation for this other than that social workers are awful.  It seems to be illogical and wasteful.  But that's the way it is. 

Also, watch out.  There are some VERY damaged children who get put up for adoption.  Be very careful if you take a baby more than four months old.  The social workers have strong incentives to place these children and they WILL lie to you.  

Children who are badly damaged psychologically in the first year or two of life simply do not recover.  There is no remedy.  They get worse and worse as they get older, not better.  They are often mentally ill and the ones who are not can be extremely diffcult to handle.  This is not temporary and it won't go away. 

DO NOT GET CAUGHT BY THIS IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.  

Exactly true, DS . You have to be very, very careful 

At least the Cyprus social workers were up front about it

Stix, you seem a little bilious of late  

As I understand it, you’ve got limited chances in the U.K. as the competition is very strong. You can fail for all sorts of reasons, grim and intrusive. Then you can look overseas. I’d be interested to hear rof views on the risks associated with adopting foreign children. Not for me, I hasten to add. 

I have never even thought about it. I've got two of my own and they were enough trouble in their younger years.

I did from abroad - different set of challenges but as hard. For different reasons. Better to focus on finding the right child. 

I know several people who have done surrogacy instead and that has worked brilliantly. Two in the US (minor passport issues getting the newborns home) and one in Georgia. Christ, I think all three were sets of twins too.

I would always go the surrogacy route if you can and ideally with yor own sperm and eggs. My sister decided insemination by donor (at a clinic) was easiest and it certainly was - no social workers asking questions, you get a brand new baby that is your own child etc.

 

My parents were about to adopt and a possible baby boy had just been found for them when my mother got pregnant with me - they had been married for 8 years. The little baby boy was found another home.

And this thread is about an English adoption of an English kid?  fvck me if it isn't nigh on impossible to adopt legally my stepdaughter, who is a forrin.

Good luck if you can m7.  Any info I can give if the original assumption was incorrect, PM me - I have (so far unsuccessfully) been put through the wringer trying to sort this out.

Hard enough to get a fúcking British passport for my other (blood) daughter who is, by right, a British citizen.

 

UK does my swede.