Americans

1. Pls learn to draft

2. Stop fetishising your military

3. Pls pronounce the “h” in “herbs”. You are not French 

chzthnksbai

 

 

If the OP is British I would say that nobody bores on about their military like we do

Any dropping of the “h” from the front of words, or use of “an” for such words (eg “an historian”) strikes me as massively pretentious and awkward, even if it has precedent.

‘Rubbish. The Yanks are obsessed with it.’
havent you heard these Brexit fuckwits who can’t get through an interview without mentioning the war? 

The an thing I am guilty of.  And if we are going to be whinging at the Americans about their love for their armed forces, we must accept that we are far far worse with our obsession over the NHS.

surely those are mild things about the americans, Clyde. There are worse things to be miffed about about them. 

we are far far worse with our obsession over the NHS

True

Americans don't just fetishise their military, they fetishise violence full stop.

Guns, UFC, WWE, hyper violent police as well as the military.

If you were going to fetishise a military, it may as well be the USA's. It is incredible really. Best fighting force ever assembled with unprecedented global reach. 

we must accept that we are far far worse with our obsession over the NHS.

Lol at this though. So true. 

Completely agree re 1 and 3. 

May I also suggest

4. Saying "If I would have known" instead of "If I had known".

That really boils my piss. 

 

Not sure Brexiteers fetish the military, apart from Francois, its more fetishing 1940 we stood alone when we was great image.

The Yanks have a very uncritical attitude to their military.

Well they’d never have colonised all those natives with peashooters would they?

And tbf, paranoid as they are about the Russians, we’d all be better off atm if they’d been even more paranoid a few years ago.

US uniforms are a bit naff so I can't imagine they are that popular in the fetish community.

Saluting the military at sports games borders on cultish in my opinion. Not sure I have ever had to stand up for the good doctors and nurses of the NHS at Lords or Twickenham.

Diablo, having been to a number of US sporting events I find the whole cheering the military thing utterly cringy and glad we don't do it.

I was also a bit confused when in the US someone thanked me for helping out in the war on terror. I didn't think that was what I had been doing.

The "i could care less" thing that Americans do is infuriating and nonsensical. It doesn't function as a dismissal / put down at all.

Personally I always like to keep an extra level of caring less in reserve for special occasions. It's like being a football commentator keeping a bit back for when something truly exciting happens.

Yes, Linda, that is also absolutely infuriating. Morons the lot of them.

For me it then becomes more like "I could care less, but you are not worthy of that level of apathy".

A cab driver in New Jersey thanked me for my service when I mentioned having been in the Navy.

He basically thanked me for getting pissed for 2 years while chatting up orange-toned women in places like Privilege, Sunderland's worst club.

"an hotel" looks and sounds stupid, even if someone can produce a grammar textbook from 1853 that says it's "correct"

A guy on a podcast I was listening to this morning described himself as "an historian" and I immediately stopped listening and usubscribed.

For me it then becomes more like "I could care less, but you are not worthy of that level of apathy".

This is how they justify it, but it is just a desperate attempt to save face when you explain that some idiot yank clearly misheard the expression hundreds of years ago and this misunderstanding has spread like some horrible venereal disease. 

A guy on a podcast I was listening to this morning described himself as "an historian" and I immediately stopped listening and usubscribed.

In a moment of madness, I wrote "an historical" earlier today and I still feel dirty. 

Very much a "a historical / a historian" kind of guy.

I think it is an affectation that the speaker imagines makes them sound more "European" by analogy with "L'histoire"

When I worked over there and something like that came up I used to say "it's like how you say tomate-ow and I pronounce it correctly"

A certain type of Tory can obsess about HM's Armed Forces, less so these days as they're so tiny.  Agree re NHS being UK's national religion.  

As for US celebrating its military, better than the situation in the 1970s when many (esp. on the Left) despised it. The US never seems to find a happy medium.   

I like the idea of Americans far more than the reality.

4. Saying "If I would have known" instead of "If I had known".

Will someone please acknowledge how fucking annoying this is?

Cheesetoastie14 Oct 19 12:43

"If you were going to fetishise a military, it may as well be the USA's. It is incredible really. Best fighting force ever assembled with unprecedented global reach."

The unprecedented global reach is largely the product of technology, not least nuclear weapons. They are way down the list of being the "Best fighting force ever assembled ".

In the era of modern warfare (which I take to be from the invention and application of modern automatic weapons, perhaps about the time of the Boer War), my vote would be (at divisional size) the Fallschirmjäger of the Luftwaffe which landed on Crete in 1941. Experienced in combat and incredibly well-trained. However, in the Battle they were almost destroyed. Airborne landings are much fetishcised but an incredible waste against conventional forces.

I recall an account of a New Zealand junior officer who was in Crete and sitting in a billet attending to paper work in the first moments of the invasion. He saw the Fallschirmjäger begin to land in a field next to the farm house where he was. He claimed that without even getting out of his chair he picked up his rifle which was leaning against the desk next to him and shot three of them through the open window before they hit the ground.

Another New Zealander found himself in an olive grove stalking a German paratrooper. And the paratrooper stalking him. I recall him saying "I came from around a tree and we faced each other. He was young and blond and at least 6 feet talk. A magnificent creature. Unfortunately, for him I was quicker on the trigger of my rifle and I killed him."

Actually, on a slightly lighter note (but not much) the Britihs military are fetischised, but only in an historical sense. In modern English poetry Alrkin perhaps speaks for every man "They fvck you up". But, as for soldiers, at least ´professional ones, enlisting´it is more alike to Kipling.

The British, for historical reasons, have always had an aversion to standing armies. Not least because of the imposition of billeted soldiers on households. The Royal Navy less so, probably because they were billeted on their ships and often out of the UK when they served.

"I WENT into a public 'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, " We serve no red-coats here."
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:
O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' " Tommy, go away " ;
But it's " Thank you, Mister Atkins," when the band begins to play
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
O it's " Thank you, Mister Atkins," when the band begins to play.

I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' " Tommy, wait outside ";
But it's " Special train for Atkins " when the trooper's on the tide
The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
O it's " Special train for Atkins " when the trooper's on the tide.

Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap.
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.

We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, fall be'ind,"
But it's " Please to walk in front, sir," when there's trouble in the wind
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
O it's " Please to walk in front, sir," when there's trouble in the wind.

You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Chuck him out, the brute! "
But it's " Saviour of 'is country " when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An 'Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool - you bet that Tommy sees!"

 

Leftwellout, you really must be more concise, my dear. 

The unprecedented global reach is largely the product of technology,

So... still unprecedented then?

 They are way down the list of being the "Best fighting force ever assembled ".

Are they? Name one that could defeat it then? This is objectively true. Of course this is largely down to technology but it is still true. It is the deadliest armed forces the planet has ever seen and would comfortably defeat any other nation on the planet in a conventional war. In a nuclear war everyone would probably die of course so there are no real winners in that case. 

Actually, getting back to the original topic of Americans.

Tips @ 2 x sales tax? Get tae fvck.

I have never been felt confident to take my wife to New York because she will throw an effing wobbly at the notion of a 15 or 20 per cent tip. In London she insists on no more than three quid per dinner (on a 150 quid meal for two) and in Spain (she is Spanish), perhaps 1 euro per dinner (on 120 euros tapas for 5 or 6)..

And she means it. We have had some furious arguments about the issue.  I have given up.

Despite the reputation of British tourists in the US as poor tippers, this as nothing as compared to the Spanish.

In Buenos Airies about 10 years ago in one of the most up market business restaurants in the city we had a good meal. Not especially cheap. But excellent. As it came to a close I paid the bill. I left the equivalent of about a 5 per cent tip. Quietly. The waiter then complained saying to me "In this restaurant the normal tip is at least 10 per cent:"

Bang!!!

When my wife and her brother heard this they exploded. I walked away. This was not a walk-in steak house. This was one of the best restaurants in BA. Certainly favoured for business lunches with Americans etc. 

Word of warning. My wife, her brother and her mother will not agree on much between themselves but when they get together you had better be prepared for a serious argument. By this time I was furious. When the maitre´de asked what was happening I explained. A great meal ruined by an impudent waiter. For the sake of US$20 he was lucky he was not punched out by me or my brother-in.law (who is somewhat harder than me.). That was a bad one.

A great meal ruined by an impudent waiter. For the sake of US$20 he was lucky he was not punched out by me or my brother-in.law (who is somewhat harder than me.). That was a bad one.

Lol. The absolute state of you. Internet hardman. 

 

Somewhat harder than you? Wow. Because you are well hard, right?

Not really, I know my place. I certainly know my limits. I learned it on the rugby field. Some went onto play at a decent level (but no internationals). I have had my moments. Normally, I can give the impression of somebody who is slightly deranged by events. Or is actually infuriated. That makes people think twice before pursuing it, unless they are in a group. With one exception, I cannot think or anybody who decided to try to take me on 1-1. But that is because most people I know also know their limits. The ones who did not kept cut-down shotguns close by (usually in their cars or their house or preferably a relative´s house).

Perhaps by good fortune I have never had a problem.  I have been smacked a couple of times but it was normally when I was outnumbered.

About 6 years ago I had a road rage incident (as a pedestrian) where a fella (perhaps Polish, I can´t be sure) got out of the car and gave me a clean blow to the jaw. I went down. Not possible to resist. I avoided hitting my head. Wierdly, although it knocked me down, there was subsequently no pain at all. It was a fantastic punch. I may have been concussed but not obviously so. I boxed in the school competitioon when I was 14. I think my record was 0-1-2.

So, no Iam not hard. My younger brother perhaps is. But he needs it for his job.  

God, you're a bellend. 

I learned it on the rugby field.

Figures. 

Leftwellout I’m sure your posts are interesting, they’re just a bit like those American tv series with about 40 episodes - I can’t really commit the time

About 6 years ago I had a road rage incident (as a pedestrian) where a fella (perhaps Polish, I can´t be sure) got out of the car and gave me a clean blow to the jaw. I went down. Not possible to resist.

This terse writing style is really odd. Like Rorschach from Watchmen only less interesting. 

I am leftwellout. I fantasise about violence. Had a fight once. I lost. Guess we all lose sometimes. I am so alone. Why am I so alone?

Are you sure that Polish chap did not give you permanent brain damage?

Bloody hell.  I wouldn’t ever go to eat in the same place twice if I were you.  I usually tip a good 15-20% and that is not a humblebrag, I would just prefer to pay the “no gobbing in my food next time” tax.

 

Spaniards do not tip in Spain. Not part of the culture, which is refreshing  

This thread reminds me that that I need to  recheck my ammo supplies

Also to  upgrade my concealed carry to a Beretta 92F

 

"Lol. The absolute state of you. Internet hardman.

Somewhat harder than you? Wow. Because you are well hard, right?"

Actually, if one wishes to pusue this argument then I am happy to do so. JLPC is not that hard. But he carries a Glock .17 in his professional life. As do many. He is a bit bigger then me . I am soft and about 1.80 mtres and 100kg. He is about 1.85m and perhaps 85 kg. But I can promise you that one of the scariest people I have ever met is his father. He has never been less than good to me.

He is now about 88 years old and  now about 1.90 m. When he was in his prime he was perhaps 2m tall. In photos he does look completely out of pplace because he is so much bigger (at least half a metre) than his contemporaries. I am due to go to Spain next week. Perhaps I can secure a scan of photos to prove the point. That may not be possible. The events I talk of took place about 70 years ago. Almost of the protagonists are dead. Although, while for me it is of historical interst, actually it is quite a very sensitive subject (especailly for those actively involved and their children.)

We have been to see his younger cousin, in Santoyna, near Sanatander, who is herself in her early 70s but like a sister to him (long story). Her husband, also in his 70s  is a retired fisherman and a hard-left trawlerman. The is some real needle between them.  They are generous hosts but I am always told we will not stay long.

But that is not the point. He was hunting Republican guerillas in the mountains of northern Spain in the 1950s. Yes, the war against Franco, in guerilla groups, continued long after 1939. Not very successfully. Sitting in a hide, Just waiting. Sometimes patrolling. But avoiding contact with the locals who were not ´reliable´. Sometimes for days or weeks at a time. Tours of months. He is an old man now. But you sure as eff do not want to get on the wrong side of him.  Even now.. 

Bernie - not been to Spain much and when I did was always a lads group thing so crap food and as much beer as we could get down our necks.  I probably did leave some tips tho, ah well.

leftwellout - this sort of long winded ranty and dubiously sourced meltdown style already has an aficionado on rof.  Please get your own thing.

P.S.  It literally has never ended well.

@Cheesetoastie14 Oct 19 18:52

About 6 years ago I had a road rage incident (as a pedestrian) where a fella (perhaps Polish, I can´t be sure) got out of the car and gave me a clean blow to the jaw. I went down. Not possible to resist.

This terse writing style is really odd. Like Rorschach from Watchmen only less interesting. 

I am leftwellout. I fantasise about violence. Had a fight once. I lost. Guess we all lose sometimes. I am so alone. Why am I so alone?

Are you sure that Polish chap did not give you permanent brain damage?

Brain damage? Perhaps, but I have had worse blows. It was a lovely effective punch. I don´t really fantasise about violence. I saw enough of it when I was a teen. On and off the rugby field.

In those day when, in a ruck, you would be stamped on.

Does not happen any more. Illegal. Actuial stamping (up and down repeatly with the booted foot with studs) onto your torso and head.in the ruck. If you did could not roll off the ball. Get off the ball. That was the repeated shout. Stamp. Stamp. Stamp.

GET OFF THE BALL:!!! GET OFF THE BALL:!!! GET OFF THE BALL:!!!

Of course it was usually very difficult because one might have six other players lying on top of you. It did not matter if you were not actually lying on top of the ball. That was how it was played.

Referee was more concerned about some player putting hands into a ruck. Illegal. Penalty.   

Haha. You really are reinforcing the idea that you are a muppet.

I am not sure what you mean by "terse writing style". Perhaps because I have to cover by emails comments/corrections to reasonably long contracts.

If anything, my flaw is over-elaborating.

It’s like a sort of lovechild between me in mid-meltdown mode and chambo in, well, chambomode.