The toilets at Allen & Overy were best avoided this week, after a member of staff voided his bowels in the soap dispensers.

The incident happened in the firm's Belfast office, presumably in homage to the rich tradition of dirty protests in the region. The profoundly disturbed employee made his point in the 5th floor lavatories, which are those used by management and HR. The physical mechanics of how he achieved this are not known to science.
 

A&O yesterday

The contamination was swiftly discovered, staff were given antibacterial gel and the soap dispensers were locked in the style of a young offenders' institution. A hunt is underway for the culprit, although given the difficulties faced by Hammonds in catching the phantom shoe-pisser, tracking him down may not be an easy job.

A spokesman for the firm said that "this is an extremely unpleasant incident which we take very seriously. As you would expect, we have investigated the matter and taken steps to avoid a recurrence".