Hallelujah for the firms which demonstrated in 2017 that, lurking behind a mask of corporate competence, there are still lawyers with beating hearts, human impulses and souls filled with pure and burning rage about the hot drinks situation.

For some reason, this year lots of people got steamed about coffee. A CMS lawyer fumed about inadequate coffee machines. A Simpson Millar office manager produced the definitive mental guide to coffee measurements in which he vowed to strangle milk supplies. Over at Watson Farley & Williams they just went ahead and accidentally poisoned their water supply, so no-one had any coffee at all, or tea, or Ribena. No-one who's still alive, anyway.



Squire Patton Boggs also produced a guide for its staff. Tellingly and tragically it advised them where to go to eat alone. Addleshaw Goddard produced a special Scottish menu featuring deep-fried Mars Bars. They delighted everyone, according to the firm. But not according to ROF sources, who said it was trading on a stereotype, the haggis-munching ingrates. However the tone-deaf award goes to Withers, which offered female staff a special treat on Women’s Day. Half price salad. Spare a thought, though for the firm which begged for rotten chicken work.

Eversheds proved that CSR deplores a vacuum when it strong-armed reluctant staff onto its LGBT committee. And because you can't spell diversity without div, Travers Smith told vacation scheme students to black up. Much more inclusively, Slaughter and May promised anal play on its pro forma powerpoint slides.