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Exclusive: The Texas Law Hawk shows how PR is done
22 May 2015
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In a sequel more burdened with expectations than Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the Texas Law Hawk has released a follow-up to his blockbuster Youtube advert in which he did all kinds of great stuff like fail to snap a branch.

It is not hyperbolic to say it is the best thing you will see today featuring a hawk. The commercial opens with a melancholy, almost mythic air as US attorney Bryan Wilson, aka the Texas Law Hawk, runs in slow motion towards the camera holding the American flag, superimposed with a hawk and, for good measure, another flag, while a keyboard picks out America the Beautiful in a mournful minor key.


   

Then, BLAMMO! Texas Law Hawk shrieks "Texas Law Hawk", a hawk screams, the screen explodes and Wilson pops up in a wood snarling "Talons of justice".

   

There's no time for slomo now at the Texas Law Hawk plucks a fish from a river with his bare hands and runs through the forest with his flag, growling.
 

   

Things then take a rapid turn for the surreal as the action cuts to a mean cop carrying a small dog...

     

...spying on a group of men deliriously playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.


   

Quite correctly, the officer suspects they are high on drugs, and orders the hysterical gamers to let him in without a warrant. Luckily one of them gets a call from the Texas Law Hawk, and before he can even answer the man himself smashes through the door shouting.


   

Without giving them time to explain, he takes action.


   

Briefly, the Texas Law Hawk allows viewers to see his soft side, breaking into laughter as he tries to growl "Texas Law Hawk". Then he leaps carefully out of a moving 4x4, the hawk screeches and there's an explosion.


   

Thanks to, well, the Texas Law Hawk for bringing his latest spectacular to RollOnFriday's attention. "Hey RollonFriday Editors!" he wrote, "Bryan Wilson, the Texas Law Hawk here! I noticed y'all wrote an article about my first commercial. I just wanted to send you a link to the second one we just released. Hope you enjoy!"

Usually people have to pay to advertise on RollOnFriday, Texas Law Hawk, but, dammit, you're still law's best answer to Steven Seagal.



  

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anonymous user
22/05/2015 09:34
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Yay. Go The Hawk
anonymous user
22/05/2015 09:57
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yet again, the Law Hawk exceeds expectations and maintains the standards we all come to expect of him. Pleased to see the dog didn't get flattened on the 'door' rugby tackle.
anonymous user
22/05/2015 11:28
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Suspect the fish was a fake. Highly unlikely that even Bryan Wilson - Texas Law Hawk - would be able to find a fish of that size in that particular location, let alone snatch it with his bare hand.
anonymous user
22/05/2015 12:46
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TEXAS LAW HAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anonymous user
29/05/2015 07:48
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He used his talons of justice to get that fish. What a dead set legend.