Main Discussion

Worst behaviour you've seen at a wedding
Rate it
0
Report as offensive
Bloody Nora
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:12
Anyone got any good ones?
wilfrostron
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:35
Report as offensive
The Savoy

My chunky mate (always a liability) is swigging from bottle of red wine on the dance floor and then throws up over bottom of bride's dress.

One hour later - wedding party is in Savoy Bar with the pianist. Above mate staggers into the little pianist, knocks him off his stool and flattens him. Poor little pianist has to then try to squeeze out from underneath my sweaty and vomit-stained mate.

My mate was then indignant when staff 'escorted' him out and bundled him into a taxi.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:39
Report as offensive
Heh! Was this a recent wedding?
Obadiah Hakeswill
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:41
Report as offensive
Not really at an actual wedding (although I once went to the service and then only turned up at the reception 2 hours later after going to the pub to watch the rugby, which was pretty shitty behaviour). But (1) guests who cancel on the day or just don’t show up and (2) couples who have destination weddings when they have no connection at all with the destination are arses IMO.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:49
Report as offensive
I have never been at a wedding where people have been caught shagging.

Worst I've seen is some cringeworthy best man speeches and the family wedding where my 80 year old great aunt got ratarsed and threw up into a hat she'd borrowed for the occasion.
Crazy Puppy
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:56
Report as offensive
Seconded reference destination weddings by people who have no connection to the destination. It just assumes everyone has loads of money and can afford to go.

Weddings put single ladies on heat. So are great for shagging.

Martian Law
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:57
Report as offensive
I've hooked up at 2 weddings in my time, but the vast majority I've been to haven't had many single people in attendance
Bloody Nora
Posted - 07 August 2018 17:58
Report as offensive
Agree about the destination weddings but I'm interested in stuff that has gone down at the actual wedding.
Wellington
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:02
Report as offensive
Drunk bloke stealing a ride on mower and taking it for a joy ride across the law of this lovely country house before running into a flower bed and a water feature, breaking it, then throwing up on top of it for good measure.

#lad
Wellington
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:05
Report as offensive
Lawn*
GwenllianJones
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:08
Report as offensive
Big heh at Nora's great aunt.
PlasticPaddy
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:20
Report as offensive
"Usher caught shagging the chief bridesmaid by the brides family and the boyfriend of said bridesmaid in a utility cupboard room which unfortunately had a door on either side, unbeknownst to the shaggers in question."

The real question here is why were the boyfriend and the bride's family also going into the utility cupboard together?
fumio
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:23
Report as offensive
Ive seen a few people get married who soon enough realised it was pretty dumbass behaviour, if that counts.
Chambers
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:24
Report as offensive
Some elderly relative keeled over and died at one I went to. It put a bit of a damper on things, but they went ahead with it.
131 sleeps till Christmas
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:36
Report as offensive
Groom's parents refusing to sit on top table because they disapproved. When the groom presented his mother with a bunch of flowers she wouldn't even acknowledge him. In the end his embarrassed father took them, then she threw them back into the reception venue as she was leaving.
131 sleeps till Christmas
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:37
Report as offensive
Chambers
Posted - 07 August 2018 18:24

Some elderly relative keeled over and died at one I went to. It put a bit of a damper on things, but they went ahead with it.

--

My cousins were at one where the father of the bride died suddenly between the church and the reception, by which I mean timing of the reception, he'd made it to the venue.

From memory they called a halt to proceedings thereafter.
Fonders
Posted - 07 August 2018 19:22
Report as offensive
Groom’s cousin got really drunk and fell off an open balcony at the reception venue. Panicked family rushed out to see if cousin was ok/alive.

Prior to discovering the status of the possibly dead cousin the bride had a massive tantrum about the cousin stealing all her thunder. Cousin’s family told the bride that she was a ladypart and that the family never liked her.

Thankfully the cousin survived.

Imagine being called a ladypart on your wedding day though (although deserved in this case).

fumio
Posted - 07 August 2018 19:24
Report as offensive
There are plenty of people I’m happy to call a khunt every day. No need for a special occasion ffs
Fr Dougal McGuire
Posted - 07 August 2018 19:34
Report as offensive
My own mother got completely rat-arsed at my wedding and halfway through the Wedding Breakfast pointed vaguely in the direction of one of my wife's friends (who TBF was somewhat "curvy") and pronounced loudly "you see, son, you could have married a fat lass like that!".

She then sort of realised what she had said and tried to back track by stating that she was referring to a painting on the wall of the room.
minkie
Posted - 07 August 2018 20:04
Report as offensive
After our wedding my mother ( serial pain in @rse) told us she remembered taking a large wrapped present from a guest to keep it safe but had totally forgotten what she had done with it, didnt know who the guest was nor what the gift was. We went all the way back to the venue next day to hunt for it, waste of time.
To this day we never did find out nor indeed if she had made the whole thing up but still rankles that some kind guest had brought a present and never got thanked ( and we never got the present).
Massive fuckwit
Posted - 07 August 2018 20:26
Report as offensive
My father showing me a picture of my mother when they were courting and telling me how much better looking she was than my wife (in his opinion) also overhearing him saying to my mother "Well they could still get get divorced." And then leaving early using his tried and tested bullshit way out of anything by faking a stomach bug.
nightcrawler
Posted - 07 August 2018 20:36
Report as offensive
The groom being thrown in a pond by one of his mates at the end of the evening.

The mother of the bride's mother storming off mid-speeches as the mother of the bride had not been sat at the top table. The mother of the bride's mother was the only one at the wedding who didn't know that the bride's mother had recently been caught out having an affair!

InfiniteMonkeyTheorem
Posted - 07 August 2018 20:53
Report as offensive
Mixed heritage wedding. Catholic bride marrying a Muslim groom in a church. Groom's family all turned up in black.
Chambers
Posted - 07 August 2018 20:55
Report as offensive
Oh, and at my first one the Priest and I got into a drinking contest afterwards. I'm sure he had started long before the wedding. Are you sure he's legal? I asked my wife.

Who knows.
Ronaldo'sadamsapple
Posted - 07 August 2018 21:26
Report as offensive
Chambers wtf? Are you saying you and your wife shagged a priest?
Moosheepploptrump
Posted - 07 August 2018 21:46
Report as offensive
It also reads like the Priest was too drunk to consent.
student05
Posted - 07 August 2018 22:51
Report as offensive
Anyone that involves paying for alcohol
Incakenito
Posted - 07 August 2018 22:54
Report as offensive
Lol at Anna’s auntie and the hat!

My friend got so hammered at a garden marquee wedding hosted by the grooms parents that she let herself into the house and climbed into the grooms parents bed naked. My friend and I went to find her and told her to get out quickly. When she reappeared in the marquee she was wearing the father of the grooms fleece and the mother of the brides hat that she’d worn at the church. She had no knickers on.

Shortly after that she joined AA and hasn’t drunk since.
Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 07:33
Report as offensive
Watching the then now ex wife of a law school m6 of Mr Pithe and (slightly less so) I getting hammered at another m6s wedding and trying to pull one of my old m6s from uni in full view of her husband. He wasn't particularly pleased by her behaviour and they didn't last long afterwards. Livened things up nicely when everyone was beginning to flag a bit.
3-ducks
Posted - 08 August 2018 07:54
Report as offensive
Some of you people must move in proper chav circles.
3-ducks
Posted - 08 August 2018 07:56
Report as offensive
Wellers's one involving the lawnmower is class. Heh.
Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 08:01
Report as offensive
Well tbf Dux the one I mentioned was in 'stralia. And I'd forgotten the rather racist joke that the FotB cracked in his speech.
3-ducks
Posted - 08 August 2018 08:03
Report as offensive
Aussies are gr8 lads but deeply uncivilised.
3-ducks
Posted - 08 August 2018 08:04
Report as offensive
And Buzz- surely your example is just standard behaviour for most weddings, no?
Asturias es mi patria
Posted - 08 August 2018 08:47
Report as offensive
1. Best man shagging a (very loud) ex the day before his absolutely stunning girlfriend arrived. The.whole.wedding.knew.and.were.frankly.baffled.

2. Best man, dressed in family tartan , in fully traditional manner, decided to demonstrate that a. his drunkenness had no impact on his trad dancing skills b. the tables in the venue were v v sturdy c. Shirtlessness is beloved of all drunks and d. The v traditional way of wearing kilts doesn’t suit a combo of a b and c

3. I’ve gate crashed a wedding outside Dublin of an old friend from uni cos I ran into other (invited) friends on the night before. I was there on a v tame stag weekend. He laughed, she not so much

4. I’ve turned up at a wedding despite forgetting to RSVP.

Wot others said about destination weddings without connecting reasons



Asturias es mi patria
Posted - 08 August 2018 08:47
Report as offensive
....unless it’s super super cheap
Asturias es mi patria
Posted - 08 August 2018 08:51
Report as offensive
I would post more but I have to get ready to go to Portugal today.....for a wedding
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 08:56
Report as offensive
At the first ever wedding I went to, I woke up at 3am being blown by a female friend. Despite having been dead to the world mentally I was pleased to find I was fully functional physically and she was going at it like a good’un. I don’t really regard this as bad behaviour tbh and it had very little effect on our friendship though it freaked me out a bit at the time. I can’t say I’ve ever seen any memorable misbehaviour except for twats moaning about the evening do being cash bar.
GHF
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:01
Report as offensive
Our small wedding (34 people) was held at a farmhouse, which had its own license for ceremonies, the wife was a chef who did the catering, and the husband put up a small marquee for the ceremony which was outdoors, and helped the bar staff serve drinks. Drinks were on a terrace by a swimming pool which was surround by lovely lawns and gardens. Around 10pm, once dark, my friend's husband who was sh1tfaced by this point, staggered out onto the lawns for a pee. At which point, the garden lights which were on movement sensors, lit him up like a Christmas tree for all to see, including the farmhouse owners.
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:02
Report as offensive
heh, Laz had a cash bar
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:03
Report as offensive
I did but nobody moaned about it cos I didn’t invite any twats
cІubman
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:05
Report as offensive
i remember on particular wedding which was jolly good fun. memorable bits included downing a bottle of wine after i'd given my best man's speech, introducing my girlfriend to my ex-wife, and being woken up by the landlord of the pub we were staying in to pay for/nod sympathetically at a room that had been trashed by another set of friends (who'd played at the wedding).

un-remembered bits (but evidenced with photos) included taking my clothes off on the dance floor in front of the great and the good of yorkshire.

i still lol at the groom starting his speech "The current Mrs [mate dave's surname] and I..."

Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:05
Report as offensive
that place sounds perfect GHFers
fumio
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:07
Report as offensive
Is no one else nauseous at the thought of big liz being fellated?
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:24
Report as offensive
Oh how unusual, some griefing from cookie. Pls do one.
rogermellie
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:28
Report as offensive
who on earth asks guests to pay for drinks. it's such poor form
Mr Sugden
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:29
Report as offensive
Laz, writing “Eileen” on your hand and drawing eyes & a mouth on it doesn’t count as “a female friend” in the real world.


(See what I did there? = Cum on Eileen, tee hee!)
(I’ll get my coat)
3-ducks
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:31
Report as offensive
Not sure which is more irrit8ing: having to pay for my own drinks, or listening to supercilious twats complaining about it.
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:34
Report as offensive
People who aren’t supercilious Surrey twatbaskets trying to show off what great manners they have sorry how much money they have, rodge

We had free flow champagne and wine right the way through dinner. People notice that and appreciate it. If you go free flow bar in the evening people just order pint after pint after pint and leave hem standing around a quarter drunk. I’m a generous man but I’m not stupid. I’m much richer now than I was then, and if I did it again - cash bar. Every time.
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:36
Report as offensive
Anyway I didn't ask anyone to pay for drinks. The hotel staff did.

Sugden, funny you should mention if but "Come on Eileen" was banned at our wedding. Whether or not this came as a disappointment to my m88 Dave's divorcee mum, Eileen, I don't know.
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:36
Report as offensive
my m4s dad was horrified at how many half finished drinks he'd paid for, as evidenced by them everywhere. People clearly just put them down for a dance or loo etc, and then just go to the bar for a fresh one afterwards
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:36
Report as offensive
Having looked at wedding venues in the UK, I now understand why cash bars are a thing. I don't like them, but they are hard to avoid without just sticking your credit card behind the bar and hoping your guests don't spend an amount you can't afford, or BYO and paying an extortionate amount in corkage.
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:37
Report as offensive
exactly

c0ck that

We spent plenty on making sure people had a good time - we focused it on stuff they'd appreciate.

But then I'm not a thrusting Surrey noove .
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:37
Report as offensive
snap Laz!
blindtom
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:37
Report as offensive
When a student I was working behind the bar at a classic geordie wedding. There had been a lot of friction between the two families involved which then culminated in one of the ushers headbutting the boyfriend of one of the bridesmaids right next to the bar I was working at and then it all kicked off.
January Sails
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:44
Report as offensive
After one friend's wedding I was sitting in the bar of the hotel I was staying in with another chap who'd been at the same wedding having a nightcap when the wedding in the function room next to the bar spilled out into the bar in a full on brawl followed by one of the bar staff joining in because her mum was already in the fight.

I've also once seen the groom, the best man and the usher who had been an All Black doing a naked haka on a roof.
jinx
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:45
Report as offensive
Cash bar.

So very laz.

And then trying to justify his utter lack of class by making up a previously unheard of social group and pretending that his tight-fisted ways and social fail are some sort of political decision.

So very very laz.
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:46
Report as offensive
Nice of the Diametrically Wrong Barometer, jinx, to confirm the wisdom of my approach.
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:47
Report as offensive
Given the level of social retardation and general difficulty holding down functional human relationships that one sees on ROF, a great tip when planning any kind of social event is to canvass ROF opinion and then do the exact opposite.
3-ducks
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:48
Report as offensive
heh!
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:49
Report as offensive
what are you going to do Laz when your kid grows up posher etc than you Laz?
GHF
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:50
Report as offensive
I'd just like to point out that we did not have a cash bar....but then that's one of the reasons why we kept our wedding small....
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:52
Report as offensive
the other scam ofc is half the bottles of booze go out the back door with the staff, hence why people often count the empties
January Sails
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:53
Report as offensive
I had a free bar for my 40th and the only problem I had was people not drinking enough. It's taken me two years to finish off the left over booze with the help of my parents.
jinx
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:56
Report as offensive
How did the other diners at the Little Chef feel about you passing round a bottle of Asti Spumante to your friends under the table during the meal whilst they were trying to eat?
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 09:58
Report as offensive
I'd just like to point out that we did not have a cash bar...

Same here, it's a massive no-no in our culture. Small wasn't an option though, so we ruled out doing it in the UK for essentially this reason.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:01
Report as offensive
the other scam ofc is half the bottles of booze go out the back door with the staff, hence why people often count the empties

Ripe for scamming if you go for the BYO/corkage option too.

I looked at a kind of low-key, foresty type venue which seemed very laid back and casual, with a mixture of what sounded like reasonable-ish corkage for wine (although I object to having to pay to open booze you already own on principle tbh) and cheap bar prices. Then the bloke who owned the place explained (by way of example) that if they found an empty bottle of vodka on the premises the next morning the corkage charge for that would be £100!

Thanks, but no thanks.
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:06
Report as offensive
people do smuggle in ofc, just tell em to take away too!
January Sails
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:13
Report as offensive
Had no problem with stuff going out the back door because I offered the staff a drink because I'm not a tight anti-social git.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:13
Report as offensive
Even if all your guests do as you ask (which is a big if given how drunk people get at weddings), what's to stop the owner of that venue adding several hundred quid onto your bill at the end for empty bottles he claimed to have found? How would you prove it either way?
Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:15
Report as offensive
Ok that's an evidential issue but on what "principle" can you object to corkage??
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:18
Report as offensive
On the principle that you are already paying for the venue and the staff and it doesn't cost them £15 to open and pour a bottle of wine?
Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:21
Report as offensive
The point of corkage is to compensate for the loss of profit on a sale. Why do you think they offer the venue hire at the price they do? Clue - it's because they factor in a level of revenue from assumed sales of booze.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:31
Report as offensive
If it were about compensating for the loss of profit on a sale then the corkage wouldn't be set at the level it generally is. It would be set at a level which ensures they are making more or less the same amount whether you buy from them or BYO. Most places that offer a corkage option deliberately make it prohibitively expensive to BYO rather than buying whatever they have on offer.

I think that the wedding industry in the UK has massively taken the piss ever since it became broadly acceptable to have a cash bar at a wedding. Couples just can't be arsed to argue with venues over it so they transfer the cost to their guests instead.

In countries where cash bars are not OK, people don't put up with this kind of shite from venues, because they can't afford to.
January Sails
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:36
Report as offensive
Nora what is compensation for loss of profit if it is not a payment that puts someone in the same position they would have been in had you bought an item from them instead of from a cheaper competitor? Their profit comes wholly from the sale of food and booze with a huge mark up and generally not from the hire of the venue and the staff.

This is why for most big parties I'd try and find a private venue and then source everything myself.
Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:36
Report as offensive
Utter bollocks about corkage.

" It would be set at a level which ensures they are making more or less the same amount whether you buy from them or BYO."

Except of course they can't possibly know which wine you'd buy from them or which wine you'd bring. £15 corkage is the difference between a bottle of wine which costs a tenner from a retailer and the £25 quid which would be a normal catering mark up from retail.
Used Psychology
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:36
Report as offensive
While Buzz offers an objective justification, I would expect they don't then charge muslim or tee-totaller weddings more on venue and catering fees to offset booze costs. But I could be wrong.

Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:42
Report as offensive
I think there's some legislation or other which might stop them doing that UP. Come to our venue and hire it for £200 if you're Jew. Muzzas and Methodists can hire for £500. Irish catholics, no fee applies!
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:43
Report as offensive
*"Except of course they can't possibly know which wine you'd buy from them or which wine you'd bring. £15 corkage is the difference between a bottle of wine which costs a tenner from a retailer and the £25 quid which would be a normal catering mark up from retail."*

I looked at two or three venues which were essentially charging the same in corkage (per bottle) as the bottle price of the table wine they provided as part of their set wedding menu (according to their own wine list).
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:44
Report as offensive
It was essentially, "This is how much you will pay us per bottle of wine your guests drink. Up to you whether you want our house wine included with that or not."

Funnily enough, we ended up spending the grand sum of £0 with them.
Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:52
Report as offensive
Well more fool them for not setting a realistic corkage price. If, however, you were planning on buying anything other than their most basic wine, corkage can be an absolute bargain.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:55
Report as offensive
A lot of places don't even offer corkage (probably for that reason).

And some have a great "low corkage policy" but then it turns out that that's only for table wine and you're still required to move on to a cash bar after dinner.

So glad we said no to all this shite.
Parsnip
Posted - 08 August 2018 10:59
Report as offensive
renting a venue that doesnt do weddings is probably the best option for a wedding

marquees are good but they are often way more expensive than renting a venue - by the time the place is kitted out with tables / chairs / power / a kitchen / flooring / lighting - some of the things that venue hire includes regardless

i don't mind buying drinks at a wedding. i think i have only been to three where that was the case though.
Buzz.
Posted - 08 August 2018 11:00
Report as offensive
Only for table wine? So nothing to stop you buying £50 bottles of wine that they'd seek to sell for £125 and paying £15 corkage on them
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 11:04
Report as offensive
No we just decided to do it abroad instead.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 11:09
Report as offensive
No, you would not be right in thinking that at all. HTH.
Cat on a hot tin ceiling
Posted - 08 August 2018 11:52
Report as offensive
Heh, this is why we found a venue which did an all inclusive booze package for champagne and wine Anna.

They hadn't counted on the coach party coming down from the valleys (and a couple of rofers) and had to go back to the cellar at least twice for more fizz. I very much doubt they made any money out of that bit...

We had a cash bar in the evening for all the reasons Laz mentions. The ushers, best man, my dad and father law had cash from us with instructions to buy booze for the less well off end of the guests but a free bar is a bit of a recipe for chaos and I suspect several of my younger cousins would have ended up in hospital.

Wedding venues in the UK are mostly utter khunts (I did quite like ours, which wasn't a corporate venue), total rip off merchants and for the most part run by deeply obnoxious and unhelpful people.

Personally free bars slightly annoy me. I like to drink nice booze but you feel like a bit of a vvanker/somehow disrespectful if you order a decent cognac or something and pay for it when there is a sh1t one going free, also the only drink Mrs CC really likes is Champagne (she'll probably only drink two glasses at most) but again I feel like an ar8e ordering it and paying for it.
Cat on a hot tin ceiling
Posted - 08 August 2018 12:00
Report as offensive
Back to the OP, two contenders:

1. The father of the bride who disapproved of the match and made that absolutely crystal clear in his speech (he also, literally called the assembled guests a 'bunch of khunts' in his speech); and

2. My cousin's wife who at her own wedding got so sh1tfaced she threw up (complete with bridesmaids on hair and dress holding back duty) and around midnight was seen stomping around the venue (which was a bit spread out into a few rooms) shouting/slurring 'where is my fvcking husband, I am going kill him for leaving me on my own on my wedding day'. Said husband was getting p1ssed with his mates and presumably wondering what the fvck he had let himself in for. That said they are still married nearly 20 years later.
rogermellie
Posted - 08 August 2018 12:36
Report as offensive
we had laid on so much booze that by the time the bar opened most people were wankered. total bar bill from 6pm to midnight was under 2k - worth every penny. If you think I want my guests putting their hand in their pocket when they have already gone to great expense (hotel, gifts, stag/hens) you are socially backward....
Jorrocks
Posted - 08 August 2018 13:04
Report as offensive
I left a wedding with some burd a little while ago and now she won't leave me alone!
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 13:13
Report as offensive
I agree with your logic Roger. Weddings can be v expensive for guests (and thats just the day itself) so a free bar is a way of looking after the people you and her love/like for a one off evening

Plus if you invite Clubbers he'll likely use the venue himself one day so you should ask for a finders fee

The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 13:41
Report as offensive
Because I'm not a flash twat, attending my wedding was not a financial stretch for anyone and everyone, down to the last guest, had a great time in no small part because of how freely the wine flowed earlier in the day. It's almost as if I can make my own life decisions without the need for commentary from a bunch of social misfits who routinely demonstrate their inability to hold down relationships/
January Sails
Posted - 08 August 2018 13:48
Report as offensive
So your wedding was in the town that all of the guests lived in and didn't require anyone to pay for an overnight stay? I've only been to one wedding like that which was one of my relatives who had the reception in my parents' field.
RustCohle
Posted - 08 August 2018 14:19
Report as offensive
Two good friends from uni wrote on the invitation letter that the dress code was 'Dress for a party'.

I turned up in jeans and an oversized Bruce Lee T-Shirt and then took some unidentified drugs that the bride's ski bum cousin gave me because he was going back to France the next day and had to get rid of them.

During the speeches I was asked to stand up and people clapped that I'd introduced the couple. This was a very public school wedding and literally everyone else was in suits or top and tails.

I was also hallucinating at the time and apparently that was quite obvious.
Perfidious Porpoise
Posted - 08 August 2018 14:22
Report as offensive
So maybe you were just hallucinating that the other guests were in suits?
jinx
Posted - 08 August 2018 14:28
Report as offensive
Laz very much giving off the chippy defensive vibes of someone who knows that he messed up and who has been the subject of pitying comments amongst friends and family since that day
Tom Linorder
Posted - 08 August 2018 14:43
Report as offensive
What roger said tbh.

Putting sufficient spends behind the bar isn’t being flash, it’s being polite.
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 14:46
Report as offensive
*awaits next Laz outburst*
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 14:47
Report as offensive
If I did it again tomorrow: cash bar
Jabberwangy
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:06
Report as offensive
worst behaviour I can recall was at my m7 dave's wedding. me and a Roffer of this parish were some way thru a third bottle of bushmills at about 4am when some elderly irish relative/acquaintance rolled up and started beratng my companion for causing 9/11 "ye should be fecking ashamd ye muslim bastard" etc. i mean yes, the bloke's parents are turkish but given he was holding half a pint of whiskey it should have been clear that his submission to the will of allah is somewhat transient. he didnt even know how many virgins he'd get if he martyred hisself.
Tricksy Woo
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:11
Report as offensive
Wedding abroad at friend's parents' chateau hotel/gites thingy. Father of the bride knocked the mother of the bride down the stairs and gave her a black eye night before the wedding. No amount of make up could cover up that she could hardly see through that eye on the day itself and the fact that they were seated at opposite ends of a very long top table was awkward to say the least.
jinx
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:25
Report as offensive
Quite right too laz. Also make certain that everyone attending knows the absolute minimum that they need to spend on wedding presents and that you will be inspecting the receipts.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:28
Report as offensive
What do people think about the use of the expression "no boxed gifts please" on the invitation?

(In the couple's defence, they are getting married thousands of miles from where they live so carting physical gifts home would be a logistical nightmare.)
Captain Mal
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:31
Report as offensive
Okay the boxes take up some space but surely its easier and safer to get a set of plates home if the people give you the box as well.

FAOD I would definitely buy something large and breakable and bring it to the wedding to be delivered sans box.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:34
Report as offensive
Heh.
!Threepwood
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:37
Report as offensive
I've seen terrible and hilarious fighting among families, drunken tears, arguments and threats of annulment among the happy couple and someone piss themselves on the dance floor.

A mate of mine was at a wedding where one of bridesmaids sucked off the groom and told the bride.

The very worst behaviour I've ever seen or heard of though is a bloke standing up after the best man's speech, tapping his glass with his fork, and proposing to his fiance (a bridesmaid). What a f*cking arsehole that guy is.
ShootyIsBack
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:48
Report as offensive
Not bad, but i just remembered this: My best man got married at a country house hotel type place. Several of us had kids, and so had brought our baby monitors with us.

Before the kids went to bed, one of the bridesmaids went to one of the rooms with a baby monitor. Our mate followed her in and tried, badly, to seduce her.

How do we know? We turned the baby monitor receiver on and listened in on the whole thing.
Crazy Puppy
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:52
Report as offensive
THe posts from Threep and Shooty have made me cringe and chuckle in equal measures.

Keep them coming...
Bloody Nora
Posted - 08 August 2018 15:56
Report as offensive
The very worst behaviour I've ever seen or heard of though is a bloke standing up after the best man's speech, tapping his glass with his fork, and proposing to his fiance (a bridesmaid). What a f*cking arsehole that guy is.

What a khunt.
Jabberwangy
Posted - 08 August 2018 16:08
Report as offensive
at my wedding my then 17 y/o cousin hadnt realised the bar was free and so he was drinking pints of mineswept red wine from the tables. too challenging for a stella drinker from st albans. seem to recall he tried to pull nexis right next to mr nexis. my mum intervened and put him to bed.
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 16:33
Report as offensive
minesweeping at a free bar lol
Fr Dougal McGuire
Posted - 08 August 2018 16:37
Report as offensive
We had the cash/free bar for the evening do debate before our wedding, my mother (see above) urging us to have a cash bar for the reasons enunciated above, my weegie m7 urging a free bar because, well, he was a weegie.

Eventually we settled for buying 20 bottles of sake (Mrs. D is Japanese) and allowing the guests to help themselves, otherwise cash bar if they didn't want sake. We also laid on food and a band of course.

At my brother's wedding some years previously, I was talking to my cousins who had just arrived for the evening do and were stone cold sober, whilst a complete ar5ehole m6 of my brother was non too subtly, and fairly insistently, demanding that I go with him to hoover up a load of gak he thought I had (I didn't). This same guy later stripped off on the dancefloor and tried to steal the mobile phone from one of my parents' friends.
Captain Mal
Posted - 08 August 2018 16:43
Report as offensive
minesweeping at a free bar lol

Better than mine where my friend generously decided to kick off the evening by buying me a bottle of champagne before discovering it was a free bar...
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 16:54
Report as offensive
“Quite right too laz. Also make certain that everyone attending knows the absolute minimum that they need to spend on wedding presents and that you will be inspecting the receipts.”

No. Incorrect. Only a social retard would do this. Did you, then, intend to address this comment to your f*ckin’ self?
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 16:57
Report as offensive
you've been very grumpy l7ely Laz, whats stirring your noodles?
Jabberwangy
Posted - 08 August 2018 16:59
Report as offensive
we also had some crashers come in thru ghe open door to parkers piece. my cop m7 was dealing with the little scrotes when my mrs' uncle (who tucks away a few) came piling in and lifted both scrotes by their collar b4 slingining them back out the door. gr8 times.
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 17:06
Report as offensive
wang you had your reception in Pizza Hut?
3-ducks
Posted - 08 August 2018 18:28
Report as offensive
LOL
jinx
Posted - 08 August 2018 19:01
Report as offensive
Actually i’ve been thinking about this and the big lad has a point - I mean it’s just like when you have people round for Sunday lunch isn’t it? You’ve given them their roast beef and Yorkies, maybe a glass of wine but there’s always some chancer who thinks that you’re going to pay for their coffee afterwards as well isn’t there? These people, don’t they realise the price of kenco?
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 08 August 2018 19:07
Report as offensive
Hehe as if!
McTobes
Posted - 08 August 2018 21:06
Report as offensive
I don't see why folk get so vexed about a pay bar. If you know it's happening and object, don't go to the wedding. It's not your day. If it is your day and you don't want a pay bar, don't have one. Laz has his moments, but this seems like a pretty poor reason to berate him.

The only thing that's really crap about the free bar is when you don't know and it's cash only at somewhere in the middle of nowhere....
Oslama
Posted - 08 August 2018 21:23
Report as offensive
Laz only got ongoing abuse because he seemed so wound up by it. Nobody cares if he had a pay meal too and wore a newcastle shirt all day
Tom Linorder
Posted - 08 August 2018 21:59
Report as offensive
What Os said
Rhialto
Posted - 09 August 2018 00:39
Report as offensive
I remember the impeccable behavior of a best man leaving early as he had a work issue and needed to catch a plane to hong kong. Poor man was a Barings Bank director.
Pinkus
Posted - 09 August 2018 08:14
Report as offensive
Saw best man with his tongue down the throat and hand in knickers of a 35+ y/o bridesmaid -- a bridesmaid whose husband had taken to bed upstairs after suffering through most of the wedding with a rotten cold (he'd really done his duty that day). Tbf the best man was very dashing. The weird thing is that it was never mentioned by anyone ever again. Bridesmaid and her husband still married and ostensibly happy. Can only assume that nobody told the poor bloke that while he was convalescing after suffering through a wedding he probably didn't want to be at with an impressively aggressive cold, his Mrs was getting fingered in a faux Georgian function room by a bloke several years her junior in fairly plain sight of many of his wife's friends and acquaintances.

Never been to a wedding with a free bar. Must be brill.
3-ducks
Posted - 09 August 2018 08:33
Report as offensive
Silly Billy
Posted - 09 August 2018 08:38
Report as offensive
God, some of you lot are pretentious, privileged fvckers.

My wife and I had a pay bar for the evening reception. We had a CD player and a load of CDs so people could play what they wanted for dancing.

We couldn't afford a band; we couldn't afford a free bar (other than for family) and, so far as I can tell, none of our friends who attended had any issue with this or enjoyed it any less.

Neither of us had any assistance from the Bank of Mum & Dad. I had just qualified and my wife had just started a new job. We had just bought a flat so didn't have a lot of spare cash; we could only afford to go on honeymoon because I'd received a discretionary bonus at work.

Obviously, if we got married now, we'd have a free bar but, seriously, some of you need to take a good look at yourselves and wise the fvck up.
fumio
Posted - 09 August 2018 08:41
Report as offensive
Wot bill said.

This thing people have that assumes their parents pay for everything

Bad look, kids.
3-ducks
Posted - 09 August 2018 08:44
Report as offensive
This thread needs more on norty wives and less on financial logistics imo.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 09 August 2018 08:51
Report as offensive
What Dux said.
Buzz.
Posted - 09 August 2018 08:52
Report as offensive
No, what this thread needs is Cam to come along and do a welding prolif.
January Sails
Posted - 09 August 2018 09:39
Report as offensive
Always paid for my big parties and my parents have benefited from polishing off a lot of the booze leftover from the last one.

My parents went to a wedding where all I've heard was that the best man was dreadful and it seems that what he said was so shocking that I can't get anyone to repeat it to me.
Bloody Nora
Posted - 09 August 2018 09:43
Report as offensive
I went to one where the best man's speech started with an anecdote about how the groom bought a new car to impress the bride on their first date (not sure whether this is true or not or he was just buying the car anyway) and then continued like a litany of all the expensive things the groom had ever bought. Precious little about the groom himself, or their friendship, or the bride. By the end of the speech I think everyone was just wondering where the groom had got the money to pay for all this stuff, since he'd only recently finished a PhD.

The whole thing was just very odd.

The bride and groom are both perfectly nice, normal people and not flash wankers.
January Sails
Posted - 09 August 2018 09:48
Report as offensive
Actually you've reminded me of the bizarre wedding where the best man was the groom's former scout leader who finished his speech with his alternative version of What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor complete with audience participation for the chorus.
Martian Law
Posted - 09 August 2018 09:52
Report as offensive
Wedding speeches are not hard. How do so many people get them so wrong?
FactHunt22
Posted - 09 August 2018 09:53
Report as offensive
I went to my cousins wedding aged around 12 and I walked out of the barn/venue to find the best man fvcking one of the waitresses on the lawn. He walked over and gave me 50 quid not to tell anyone and then went back to finish what he had started,
Bloody Nora
Posted - 09 August 2018 09:56
Report as offensive
Wedding speeches are not hard. How do so many people get them so wrong?

By trying to be funny rather than sincere, IMO.

You are not a stand up comedian. You are not being paid to entertain. Just say some nice, heartfelt things about the couple, do a toast, and sit back down FFS.
Oslama
Posted - 09 August 2018 10:00
Report as offensive
one m6 best man learnt some sentences in hindi, which her family appreciated. Although i suspect it made no sense at all

anyway, back to the horror stories...
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 09 August 2018 11:39
Report as offensive
I saw this wedding where the bride got freaky with about 30male guests and let them make a proper mess of her and her dress at the finish.

Thinking back, I’m not 100% convinced it was a real wedding.
The Nutsacker Ballet
Posted - 09 August 2018 11:44
Report as offensive
“Laz only got ongoing abuse because he seemed so wound up by it“

Absolute tosh.

I am not, as you know, one to feign not giving a sh1t; to give a sh1t is glorious, and the earnest shall inherit the earth. However, the reason I got stick on this thread is that a lot of you are entitled, pretentious twats. HTHHTHHTHHTHHTHHTHHTHHTHHTH
3-ducks
Posted - 09 August 2018 11:47
Report as offensive
heh @ Laz 1139
Oslama
Posted - 09 August 2018 11:55
Report as offensive
oh dear, the chippy are out in force today
jinx
Posted - 09 August 2018 11:56
Report as offensive
‘a lot of you are entitled, pretentious twats’ - claims privately educated tax exile with a habit of referring to himself in the third person

Ps heh @ your 11.39
Montagueh
Posted - 09 August 2018 12:01
Report as offensive
Heh@wnagle's 17 year old cousin trying to chat up Mr Nex after minesweeping the red wine...had forgotten about that, but it was bluddy funny...
shatner's bassoon
Posted - 09 August 2018 13:12
Report as offensive
I'm getting married later in the year, it will be a cash bar. I'm forking out a shitload for venue, meal etc, if you want to get smashed then you can pay for it.

Plus all my m7s had cash bars at their weddings so I'm not going to subsidise them after I had to pay for it.
funsize 12
Posted - 09 August 2018 14:06
Report as offensive
The cash bar thing depends. If you want to come across all bill big balls by having a 'spectacular' venue or being in central London, that's fine, but do it properly, i.e. no cash bar and not on a Friday.

If you aren't loaded and it's just a meaningful occasion with a limited budget, knock yourself out.

funsize 12
Posted - 09 August 2018 14:10
Report as offensive
Also, whilst my group of mates is boozy but pretty respectable, nobody who's had a cash bar has had it abused in any meaningful way. It adds a few grand to the cost but changes the dynamic for the better, in my experience. Also no experience with venues using it to shaft you.
Ash89
Posted - 09 August 2018 14:24
Report as offensive
I had an open bar, and nobody abused it.
3-ducks
Posted - 09 August 2018 14:32
Report as offensive
heh @ "Billy Big Balls"
Crazy Puppy
Posted - 09 August 2018 18:01
Report as offensive
The trick with an open bar is to negotiate with the venue.

A friend recently got married overseas and paid 15 Euros a head on the basis of 70 people.

The 'free' element of the bar was limited to basic spirits (i.e. not premium stuff) and beer.

It worked quite well; those who were big boozers more than got him a return on investment. And quite a few people either didn't drink or didn't drink much, so I think the hotel was happy too.

Overseas weddings are actually not a bad way to go. You can do a '5 star' wedding in somewhere like Portugal for about 15000 Euros, to include amazing food and drink plus entertainment. The same sum of money in the UK would probably get your something fairly basic in London or the south east.
Appletini
Posted - 10 August 2018 09:57
Report as offensive
A recently single and very drunk bridesmaid cracking onto any man she came across at the wedding including the priest who had to run away from her. It turned out years later he wasn't opposed to the odd hook up but preferred the company of a gentleman instead... but that's a whole other story. Bridesmaid ended up getting it on with the hotel manager.